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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #61  
Old 01-26-2012, 07:19 PM
Chris2008 Chris2008 is offline
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Hammerdad - Thanks for the tip on how to phrase the wording of the parenting plan. You're right, that could definitely bite me in the ass in the future if phrased wrong.

PursuingHappiness - Good advice, I have recorded pretty much all our conversations outside of phone calls. You're right, that does make a lot of sense as I don't need to attack her unless I am defending myself against her accusations. My lawyer said we should just present to the judge that you are a responsible, caring parent that wants to be actively part of your son's right. It is her fight to say I am unfit if she wants to have 100% physical custody of him. He said yes, give me all the texts on her but he said we shouldn't need to use it but we will if we have to. It doesn't need to get complicated and messy.

Dinkyface - You are absolutely 100% correct that I thought she had more rights to him than me. To be brutally honest, if it wasn't for you and everyone else on the this forum, (in addition to my lawyer) I am slowly moving out of her "reality distortion field" that our son is hers to do as she pleases.

Thank you everybody!
  #62  
Old 01-30-2012, 04:21 PM
Chris2008 Chris2008 is offline
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Okay, so things have slightly settled down. The move date for her is this Thursday. As it stands now, how does it work for child support? I am suppose to give her the full amount if she had full? I don't mind, but I dont want it to look if I give her full amount then it looks like I am saying i want her to have him 100%. I should only assume here that we are doing shared so I give her my amount - minus what she would pay me correct? I want to make sure I have all my crosses and t's on this.

Also, technically I can take him when i want right? Assuming here that I email her. That k on your night shift 5-2, I will take him to my house for overnight and bring him back in the morning?

The assumption here is we have shared parenting until a judge decides otherwise?
  #63  
Old 01-30-2012, 08:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris2008 View Post
I am suppose to give her the full amount if she had full? I don't mind, but I dont want it to look if I give her full amount then it looks like I am saying i want her to have him 100%.
More like, you are confirming that she is incurring all expenses, and you are incurring none, because you are acting only as occasional visitor.

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Originally Posted by Chris2008 View Post
I should only assume here that we are doing shared so I give her my amount - minus what she would pay me correct? I want to make sure I have all my crosses and t's on this. The assumption here is we have shared parenting until a judge decides otherwise?
Correct. Except that you would actually pay only half of the difference. This is why ...

Your table amount plus her table amount -> this is total cost to raise a kid in 2 households. e.g. 300 + 500 = 800/mo.

But, you have 50-50 time, so you are each 'spending from your own pocket' at the same rate i.e. 400/mo each.

But you are responsible for 500 which means you should pay her 500-400 = 100.
This leaves her responsible for 300 i.e. 400-100.

So, it is HALF of the difference.
  #64  
Old 01-31-2012, 09:10 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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If you are reserving yourself to the fact that she is taking the child when she leaves, then you will be probably end up paying full c/s. Why? Because now she gets to play gate-keeper. If you email her and say "Hey, I know you're working, I will pick up the kid", she will likely reply with "no" and then what do you do? Break into her apartment to your child? That isn't a good plan.....

You need to get a parenting plan in place ASAP. Offer mediation while at the same time filing in court. This should help make you look reasonable, while still getting the wheels in motion should you end up in court (meaning, you shorten the time you may have to wait....if you offer medation and go about that 2-3 months with no outcome, then file in court and it takes another 2-3 months just to get started, and then 3-4 months you finally get somewhere, you've lost nearly a year).

IMO, offer to mediate, but also get your lawyer to file for a custody agreement. Otherwise you will be at her mercy for when you get to see your kid because she will get to play gatekeeper and you can't force her to give up the child.
  #65  
Old 01-31-2012, 11:18 AM
Chris2008 Chris2008 is offline
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Very good point, I will try to put in an interim custody order.

Last night, she again called the cops on me from work. I came over to take care of my son, and she wanted her coworker to babysit him. She texted me that I am making everyone uncomfortable including her kids and I need to leave or she will call the police.

Well guess what, I said go ahead. So the cops came, and I showed her the text message. She wasn't a happy camper. She basically called Becky at her work and told you can't press charges for an assault for incident on the 15th and according to police records it was logged as an information file. On top of that you can't have me arrested for making everyone uncomfortable (is that the best you can come up with? uncomfortable?) especially if you're at work and I'm at the house.....common sense anyone? On top of that the officer commented that should this happen again, someone is going to get arrested.

As well, after speaking to my ex-common law she said she irrational and this was all going into the information file. I was free to stay if i wanted to. So you basically let a stranger you've known for a month babysit my son but not let his own father? I know I am jumping to conclusions along with her texts is this the smoking gun I need to show that she is trying to deny me access to my own son now that the police have this on file?

Maybe my lawyer is BSing, cause he said it would take us 2 weeks to go to court? From the time I gave him my affidavit from last week, to the time we need to get her served etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
If you are reserving yourself to the fact that she is taking the child when she leaves, then you will be probably end up paying full c/s. Why? Because now she gets to play gate-keeper. If you email her and say "Hey, I know you're working, I will pick up the kid", she will likely reply with "no" and then what do you do? Break into her apartment to your child? That isn't a good plan.....

You need to get a parenting plan in place ASAP. Offer mediation while at the same time filing in court. This should help make you look reasonable, while still getting the wheels in motion should you end up in court (meaning, you shorten the time you may have to wait....if you offer medation and go about that 2-3 months with no outcome, then file in court and it takes another 2-3 months just to get started, and then 3-4 months you finally get somewhere, you've lost nearly a year).

IMO, offer to mediate, but also get your lawyer to file for a custody agreement. Otherwise you will be at her mercy for when you get to see your kid because she will get to play gatekeeper and you can't force her to give up the child.
  #66  
Old 02-01-2012, 03:01 AM
Chris2008 Chris2008 is offline
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Thanks for the wake up call. Today she had asked me to give her child support for the full amount. I ended listening to you guys and saying look I'm am only giving you the amount we are doing for shared parenting. Her rebuttal was that behind my back she called MEP (maintenance enforcement program) and said they will come after me. How can they? Don't they need a child support order first and in order to get a child support order, we need to go to the judge regarding the parenting plan as we can't get along.

So all aside, MEP can't do anything to me until our custody "battle" gets finalized correct which could be another month?

Second, I am telling her and I am expecting to see him and have overnights for shared parenting. If you do not give me access to him, I'm recording all this as according to the Family Law Act, we have equal rights to him. And this is all going to be presented to court. Is that the right approach now?

As for my lawyer, he takes like 2-3 days to respond each time. I'm still waiting on him to put my affidavit into a parenting order. Another thing, I am in Alberta, is there such a thing as an emergency custody order or interim order and how long does that take?

Another thing here too, when she is off to work this weekend, she is going to ask me to take care of him at her new place. Can I assume here he is my son and I can take him to my house for the next 3 days for overnights? She can't do anything about that correct? Except maybe shoot herself in the foot again and call the cops.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
If you are reserving yourself to the fact that she is taking the child when she leaves, then you will be probably end up paying full c/s. Why? Because now she gets to play gate-keeper. If you email her and say "Hey, I know you're working, I will pick up the kid", she will likely reply with "no" and then what do you do? Break into her apartment to your child? That isn't a good plan.....

You need to get a parenting plan in place ASAP. Offer mediation while at the same time filing in court. This should help make you look reasonable, while still getting the wheels in motion should you end up in court (meaning, you shorten the time you may have to wait....if you offer medation and go about that 2-3 months with no outcome, then file in court and it takes another 2-3 months just to get started, and then 3-4 months you finally get somewhere, you've lost nearly a year).

IMO, offer to mediate, but also get your lawyer to file for a custody agreement. Otherwise you will be at her mercy for when you get to see your kid because she will get to play gatekeeper and you can't force her to give up the child.
  #67  
Old 02-01-2012, 07:55 AM
Chris2008 Chris2008 is offline
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She is now officially crazy....she just told me that she filed a complaint to the police and internal affairs is now looking into this case with the officer who came to the house and "don't h old your breathe sweetheart", I can still charge you.
  #68  
Old 02-01-2012, 08:48 AM
Exquizique Exquizique is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris2008 View Post
[...] Her rebuttal was that behind my back she called MEP (maintenance enforcement program) and said they will come after me. How can they? Don't they need a child support order first and in order to get a child support order, we need to go to the judge regarding the parenting plan as we can't get along.

So all aside, MEP can't do anything to me until our custody "battle" gets finalized correct which could be another month?
Without a court order or signed separation agreement/minutes of settlement, MEP will not get involved. They only enforce orders, which is why they are an ENFORCEMENT agency/program.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris2008 View Post
She is now officially crazy....she just told me that she filed a complaint to the police and internal affairs is now looking into this case with the officer who came to the house and "don't h old your breathe sweetheart", I can still charge you.
All these crazy things that she is "telling you" -- are they via phone? Face to face verbally? Email? Text messages? Are you recording any of them? They make good evidence (especially as they accumulate) for her volatile, conflict-oriented and unstable nature. I doubt she actually got the police internal affairs involved, it's not as simple as making a complaint call about the police/police officer.

Others more experienced here will hopefully comment on the child custody aspects and what to expect in terms of Alberta family law procedures.
  #69  
Old 02-01-2012, 11:22 AM
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It would make sense that in future, you would pick up your son from her place at the start of your access, and she would go pick up your son at your place at the start of her access. So, try to make that so ... arrive at her place, pick up your son. Then tell her that she can pick him up at your place at X time (preferably the next day - push it a bit, let her call cops).

There's a limit to how much you can discuss/negotiate the access. You're likely going to have to rely on the court to get this happening, so avoid any harassing, overbearing behaviour. Just inform her of your expectations, calmly make proposals in writing.

You're going to have a stressful, anxious time in the next few months, being separated from your son ... the interim order might take a few months (I'm not sure how quickly it can happen).
  #70  
Old 02-01-2012, 11:53 AM
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If she's arranging for people she barely knows to look after your child instead of you, you definitely want to put a Right of First Refusal clause in your separation agreement. You can do a search on the forum and find all sorts of info on it.

Sounds like she's doing the classic punish-the-ex by preventing access to the child and doesn't realize how much she's punishing the child. If this can be communicated to her, preferably by someone who isn't you, she might wake up to reality. Are you still in contact with her family? Maybe you can ask nicely if one of them could broach this with her.
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