Venting...When will enough be enough?

[Helpless]

The problem is that as per court agreement, one,the dogs are not to be around the child at any point and time and two, the father is to abstain from using while S5 is in his care. There is reason why a judge ruled on this and that both these clauses were added to a separation/custody agreement but clearly and for probably a great amount of time now, ex's actions are questionable in favoring the benefit of a child...In contempt....?

[rockscan]

I suggested the urine test for possible contempt. I dont know if him breaching that aspect of your order is contempt but if you needed to prove he was doing it, the presence of it in childs urine will be an indication. Again though, im not an expert on contempt...

[Berner_Faith]

I wonder if these are some of those unenforceable clauses? If CAS has closed files and has no concerns, what proof do you have that he smokes around the child? What proof do you have that the dogs are dangerous? Unfortunately it seems like you have no proof and you are using your past as a projection on your sons future.

And as for the dog, even though she may kill birds or whatever does not mean she is dangerous towards humans. A dachshund was originally bred to hunt small game, hounds are still used for different kinds of hunting, it doesn't mean the dog is dangerous. If his pit bull is as dangerous as you claim, then call the police and file a report, but without proof you have very little to go on.

You are getting all worked up and making a mountain out of a mole hill because you are afraid of your son going down the same path you did. While to you it may seem like a reasonable fear, as outsiders looking in, a lot of what you are saying is not that big of deal. I would like to believe everything you are saying, but because authorities have not done anything and closed files, it really does seem like you are getting worked up over nothing.

[Pursuinghappiness]

What was this person like when you decided to have a child with him?

Was he a weed smoking, dog owning, tattoo artist?

[Helpless]

I wonder if these are some of those unenforceable clauses? If CAS has closed files and has no concerns, what proof do you have that he smokes around the child? What proof do you have that the dogs are dangerous? Unfortunately it seems like you have no proof and you are using your past as a projection on your sons future.

And as for the dog, even though she may kill birds or whatever does not mean she is dangerous towards humans. A dachshund was originally bred to hunt small game, hounds are still used for different kinds of hunting, it doesn't mean the dog is dangerous. If his pit bull is as dangerous as you claim, then call the police and file a report, but without proof you have very little to go on.

You are getting all worked up and making a mountain out of a mole hill because you are afraid of your son going down the same path you did. While to you it may seem like a reasonable fear, as outsiders looking in, a lot of what you are saying is not that big of deal. I would like to believe everything you are saying, but because authorities have not done anything and closed files, it really does seem like you are getting worked up over nothing.

Telling me I'm getting worked up for what seems to be nothing makes me grind my teeth!

A. You don't seem to understand anything that involves child protection! Read up before you speak up.
B. I've dealt with crap in my life, took the long way to learn my lessons yes, but I still have my son's best interests at heart and I do and can expect from anyone that my child not be in contact with any legal substances. That is not me "projecting" my past onto my son.
C. Your dog can kill anything it wants, as a responsible owner I hope you mussel the bastard before it does bite a human, as should any other animal for that matter...that's simple being a responsible pet owner.

As for proof, you may be right, that's why I come on here, to get information, advice and opinions...

[Helpless]

What was this person like when you decided to have a child with him?

Was he a weed smoking, dog owning, tattoo artist?

Yes he was all those things, in moderation
He attempted to quite smoking a few times because of the problems it brought on into our relationship.

He owned one pitbull (the eldest) of which I tried to have in my home because I understood fully the bond between dog and human but this dog tried to attack my neighbour and when I sent her to her cage, she went up the stairs and tried to bite me. I still don't blame the dog, ex had her in a 1 bedroom app in the city, no behavioral training and he was often time gone on a crack smoking binge. BUT even then, I tried it out and asked ex to get her some formal training...he never called anyone or anywhere.

As for being a tattoo artist, I helped him get his portfolio started, we actually co owned a shop, I learned how to pierce in order for our business to have more services offered and for our business to grow. I did all the administrative work, sterilization and everything else that's involved in owning a business (any type business).

Yes I knew all off this and still took him for the person he was. But he's not the same now and NOW it has become a problem because 50% of the time our son is in his care and by the looks of it, as one member pointed out, maybe he cannot abstain from using, or prioritizing and so maybe he should just be a visiting parent...

[stripes]

Telling me I'm getting worked up for what seems to be nothing makes me grind my teeth!

A. You don't seem to understand anything that involves child protection! Read up before you speak up.
B. I've dealt with crap in my life, took the long way to learn my lessons yes, but I still have my son's best interests at heart and I do and can expect from anyone that my child not be in contact with any legal substances. That is not me "projecting" my past onto my son.
C. Your dog can kill anything it wants, as a responsible owner I hope you mussel the bastard before it does bite a human, as should any other animal for that matter...that's simple being a responsible pet owner.

As for proof, you may be right, that's why I come on here, to get information, advice and opinions...

I think that a clause requiring your ex to not smoke dope when Kid is with him is probably unenforceable. If you see signs that this is harmful to Kid - abuse, neglect, weird behavior from Kid - then you may wish to take this to CAS, but just the fact that he smokes when Kid is in the apartment doesn't seem to rise to the level at which intervention is called for. It's like having a clause prohibiting you from driving over the speed limit when you have Kid. How would that be enforced? People can put all anything at all in their agreements, but the courts, police, CAS etc can be selective as to what to enforce.

The dogs are another issue. Have you communicated with Dad, reminding him of the exact wording of the court order and politely requesting that he harbor the dogs somewhere else when Kid is with him? That should be your first step in dealing with the dog problem.

In general, take your cues from Kid - if he is doing okay, and if no authorities have found cause for concern despite investigations, then this may just be a case of a kid who has a dumbass father. This is not the ideal life you would want for Kid, but there doesn't appear to be evidence that Kid is suffering. Kid might be better off if Dad was just a visiting parent, but with what you've got here, it doesn't sound like you're going to be able to get to that situation.

[arabian]

What was this person like when you decided to have a child with him?

Was he a weed smoking, dog owning, tattoo artist?

You read my mind.

and the answer is......... yes but not so much.

LOL

[standing on the sidelines]

You read my mind.

and the answer is......... yes but not so much.

LOL

isn't it always..sigh

[Helpless]

You read my mind.

and the answer is......... yes but not so much.

LOL

Trust me I shake my head at myself too, I look back five years and think, WTH! where was your head at?...My S5 has to be the best and most beautiful mistake I`ve ever made HAHA!

[Links17]

I think their might be a gap between something being a child protection issue and what is in the best interests of the child.

CAS isn't there to say what is in the child's best interests. They are there to determine if the child is in danger.

Just because CAS doesn't think your child is in danger it doesnt mean the current custodial arrangement is in the child's best interest.

Do you have anything CAS substantiating any of your concerns or just "closed files"?

[Berner_Faith]

Telling me I'm getting worked up for what seems to be nothing makes me grind my teeth!

A. You don't seem to understand anything that involves child protection! Read up before you speak up.
B. I've dealt with crap in my life, took the long way to learn my lessons yes, but I still have my son's best interests at heart and I do and can expect from anyone that my child not be in contact with any legal substances. That is not me "projecting" my past onto my son.
C. Your dog can kill anything it wants, as a responsible owner I hope you mussel the bastard before it does bite a human, as should any other animal for that matter...that's simple being a responsible pet owner.

As for proof, you may be right, that's why I come on here, to get information, advice and opinions...

I am not going to go down to your level with the angry words, just not worth my time, but clearly none of the authorities (CAS, police, judges) agree with your "child protection"

[Helpless]

I think their might be a gap between something being a child protection issue and what is in the best interests of the child.

CAS isn't there to say what is in the child's best interests. They are there to determine if the child is in danger.

Just because CAS doesn't think your child is in danger it doesnt mean the current custodial arrangement is in the child's best interest.

Do you have anything CAS substantiating any of your concerns or just "closed files"?

CAS investigated thoroughly, they visited ex something like 16 times, I'm guessing because of anonymous calls, then the information was given to me. A few weeks later, CAS worker called to tell me that they were closing file. This was said by ex's lawyer in court...You're on point when saying that a protection case and best interest of a child are two different things, when we went to court for our separation agreement, the judge added the no drugs/therapy and testing for my ex, that was two years ago, yet no evidence of the completion of testing and therapy...

[Helpless]

[QUOTE=Berner_Faith;191380]I am not going to go down to your level with the angry words, just not worth my time, but clearly none of the authorities (CAS, police, judges) agree with your "child protection"[/QUOTE

Authorities have not been involved in a couple of years..
And as for child protection, THIS IS NOT A CHILD PROTECTION CASE...

[Berner_Faith]

Authorities have not been involved in a couple of years..
And as for child protection, THIS IS NOT A CHILD PROTECTION CASE...

Telling me I'm getting worked up for what seems to be nothing makes me grind my teeth!

A. You don't seem to understand anything that involves child protection! Read up before you speak up.
B. I've dealt with crap in my life, took the long way to learn my lessons yes, but I still have my son's best interests at heart and I do and can expect from anyone that my child not be in contact with any legal substances. That is not me "projecting" my past onto my son.
C. Your dog can kill anything it wants, as a responsible owner I hope you mussel the bastard before it does bite a human, as should any other animal for that matter...that's simple being a responsible pet owner.

As for proof, you may be right, that's why I come on here, to get information, advice and opinions...

Umm... you are the one who brought up child protection? Yet another post where the story changes as the posts go on. You don't like any of the advice or opinions you are getting if they don't mesh with what you think. So why not just go talk to a lawyer instead of coming to an online forum and getting defensive when people don't agree with you?