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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 02-12-2019, 10:07 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Just wanted to add this: Assuming your childís special needs are being monitored by a physician and there is a treatment plan in place which I have for both my children, I have never encountered a professional saying stability is based on only one parent when both are willing. Stability is based on 2 active parents following the treatment plan in their respective homes. It falls apart when one parent bails. Sounds to me your ex is sticking around.

I would reach out to your childís support team for guidance. If your situation ends up in court a Judge will want to know their opinions and most likely through an OCL report. Be proactive and get a plan in place with their helped based on the best interest of the children.
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  #12  
Old 02-13-2019, 01:38 AM
lorely lorely is offline
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I see and understand your point. My point is this man left home three times since we have the kids, last time moved out for a month with the statement that he wants to spend time with the kids only when he is not tired. He came back only when I agreed to put the down payment for a house. At that time he had no claim for spousal and child because there was no difference inbhow much we were earning. Everything is connected to money for him. He has no patience whatsoever with the older one with ADD.
If I would trust him for the care of the children I would have no problem. He would not want to put them in tutoring even that made a huge difference if he would have to pay for half of the expense.
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  #13  
Old 02-13-2019, 08:48 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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You can always try but I think your case is weak. Sounds like he knows his rights and is holding firm now by staying in the home this time. Hopefully the 2 of you wonít spend your kids education funds and life saving in court.
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  #14  
Old 02-13-2019, 09:09 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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He left before for a period of time? Irrelevant.
He refused to pay for things? Irrelevant.
He was difficult and didnít agree with you? Irrelevant.

Best advice? Donít waste your money fighting for full custody. Split the time 50/50 and agree to specific items like tutoring in the agreement. The kids WILL benefit from the time with both parents.
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  #15  
Old 02-13-2019, 09:12 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lorely View Post
I see and understand your point. My point is this man left home three times since we have the kids, last time moved out for a month with the statement that he wants to spend time with the kids only when he is not tired. He came back only when I agreed to put the down payment for a house. At that time he had no claim for spousal and child because there was no difference inbhow much we were earning. Everything is connected to money for him. He has no patience whatsoever with the older one with ADD.
If I would trust him for the care of the children I would have no problem. He would not want to put them in tutoring even that made a huge difference if he would have to pay for half of the expense.
Honestly- it sounds like IS a money issue with your ex. I'm of a different opinion with others in this thread.

First thing I would do if I were you would be to get him into divorce/co-parent counselling. Put it to him there if he wants to have 50/50 would be okay with no CS being exchanged. See what his motivations really are...

Also- have you thought about some counselling for you? Divorce is hard...and sometimes bad feelings get in the way of what is good for your kids.
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  #16  
Old 02-13-2019, 12:13 PM
lorely lorely is offline
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Thank you for your advice, this is how I feel too. I got councelling for the older one since there were already challenges. I will suggest him and will see how it goes. Another example is I asked him to send the kids back jome for the summer, all extended family is there, as long as he had to pay half he would agree only to one month (supposedly mine) ; as soon as I mentioned I will pay for the full amount he agreed for the whole summer.
Unfortunately I know who I am dealing with and I believe playing around with the money with him will be the key.
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  #17  
Old 02-13-2019, 04:06 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lorely View Post
He wants shared custody for the child support purposes
You of course don't care about money...

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I would have to pay him couple hundred monthly, otherwise if residential it's with me he would have to pay big time.
You clearly do not care about money...

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I told him I don't need not even a loonie from him,
Of course you do not, you have a high paying job. It sounds like he needs a loonie or two from you though.

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He just wants that because he wants to punish me. I told him he has open access to them, both kids need stability, specially our son.
Stability is important. I suggest that you let them live with their father, and that you have open access to them. You can focus on your practice and pay child support to keep your son in a good place.

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How can I get the residential with me? I am just thinking of the best of the kids.
Sounds like you are thinking of the "big time" child support he will have to pay you.

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Also he was to restrict us to stay in the area of 25 km around just because he wants it
Ridiculous. I am sure if the kids lived with him full time you would be very comfortable with him moving hours away from you. Right?

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I tried to reason with him in regards to the time of high school and what is the best for the kids but there is no way of reasoning.
Tell him if he moves next to the high school you will give him full custody and table child support. That would be best for the kid. Normally I would say that this might be a bit of a financial hit for you but you have already established that you do not care about money, so no problem!

I know you love your kid, and you would never force him to endure a legal battle between his parents.

Show your love, give up residential custody. Pay your child support. It's best for everyone.
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  #18  
Old 02-13-2019, 04:31 PM
lorely lorely is offline
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If you don't know what someone went through I would stay away from any opinion.
I did not ask for any child support from him, read carrefully through the posts.
I will do whatever it takes for the best of the kids, same as I did up to know.
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  #19  
Old 02-13-2019, 07:10 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Iím confused now. You donít want to share custody but your OK with shipping your kids back home (presumably overseas) for 2 months in the summer? Who will be parenting the kids over the summer? I totally understand children need stability, especially special needs children, but this makes absolutely no sense to me.


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  #20  
Old 02-13-2019, 09:47 PM
lorely lorely is offline
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Let me ask you something Kate331: do you have your family here and your kids spend time with them? Did you grow up with grandparents love around you and you built beautiful memories? This is totally offtopic. Maybe you will understand my point of view or maybe not.
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