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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 02-11-2019, 12:24 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default OCL Disclosure today

I wasnít really nervous- until right now.

Itís this afternoon. Iím just making my little some soup for dinner. I wish I had gone into the office- but took the day off- to, you know, stew, like a dummy.

I just keep reminding myself though- like you all say- itís only a recommendation. I can leave after and donít have to agree on anything.

Will update you guys.

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive.

Last edited by iona6656; 02-11-2019 at 12:33 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02-11-2019, 12:51 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Youíre right to remember that it is simply a recommendation. Also remember that there could be additional recommendations like parenting classes, supervised access, limits and clauses.

You should also remember that your child will not always be little and full dependent. This is their father and this entire process may make them take control of their life for their child. In many instances, the OCL recommendation helps the judge impose some hard truths on each of you. OCL represents the childís best interest.

At the end of the day when the report is done, your child is still loved and cared for and will benefit from a plan that evolves over time. Stay calm and know that you going through the proper processes.
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  #3  
Old 02-11-2019, 12:55 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
I wasnít really nervous- until right now.

Itís this afternoon. Iím just making my little some soup for dinner. I wish I had gone into the office- but took the day off- to, you know, stew, like a dummy.

I just keep reminding myself though- like you all say- itís only a recommendation. I can leave after and donít have to agree on anything.

Will update you guys.

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive.


Will be thinking of you... this will be me in about a months time.


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  #4  
Old 02-11-2019, 09:39 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Was thinking about you today! Hope all went well.
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  #5  
Old 02-11-2019, 11:12 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Holy shit.

I donít even know where to start.

In short- most importantly, she recommended that supervision of his access not be removed at this time.

This is because she feels that through her interviews with his therapist in conjunction with the CAS report - there are high risk factors there to our daughter and to me. She was troubled by the danger screening report. She picked up that CAS only closed our file because D2 had de facto custody with me- and apparently, had I indicated I would return to my ex.... further intervention wouldíve been necessary, for our daughterís sake.

She recommended sole custody to me. She said this is not a case for joint custody because of the history of violence. She appreciates that we both use OFW well and are able to communicate that way- and I should continue to keep my ex updated on all medical and school stuff as I have been doing. Recommendation is that I sign everything to allow him to keep updated on school and medical. Religion isnít an issue.

She said that it was concerning that during his therapy sessions that he never disclosed his threats against D2 and he never specifically told his therapist that heíd been charged with threatening her life and mine. Just assault. She said she is concerned that he continues to minimize the violence. And hasnít addressed his substance issues at all. She called it his troubling past with substance use.

She said the observations went well at both homes. The level of engagement with D2 and her dad is great. She did not express any concerns around alienation.

So yeah, her recommendation is that my ex continues his therapy;
and his therapist said she would be willing to continue to work with him IF she got a copy of the OCL report and the CAS report- oh yeah, he forgot to mention that our family was involved with them. Basically- and these are my lawyers words to me after- therapy was a PR campaign to help him deal with his criminal charges, but he got called out by his therapist and the OCL.

He asked for a gradual increase to 50/50. Letís put it this way- she didnít even mention when he should start getting overnightsó- maybe it will be in the report?

OCL recommended the same schedule be maintained- Wed afternoons and 1 day each weekend...and maybe add a second weekday evening IF and only IF the proper supervision could be arranged.

Is there an end in sight? Yes, if he can get a therapist to say heís not a danger to our daughter.

But that custody should be settled because medical decisions have to be made around D2ís health, and education.

So hereís the problems...

First. What the actual fuck??! Heís still a danger to our daughter??!

To me? Yes. But to her? I didnít expect to hear that.

I donít think this couldíve gone worse for him..what does he have left to lose? He might as well fight the report.
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:54 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Wow!!! Thatís scary. I hope the road ahead of you in family court gets resolved quickly now. Letís hope he doesnít decide to fight it and gets the help he needs instead.

I was hoping this meeting would give you some kind of closure after the long wait for the report. But now I feel scared shitless for you and your child.

Itís a blessing your child is too young to understand, I canít imagine having that conversation with her.
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  #7  
Old 02-12-2019, 05:37 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Holy shit.

I donít even know where to start.

In short- most importantly, she recommended that supervision of his access not be removed at this time.

This is because she feels that through her interviews with his therapist in conjunction with the CAS report - there are high risk factors there to our daughter and to me. She was troubled by the danger screening report. She picked up that CAS only closed our file because D2 had de facto custody with me- and apparently, had I indicated I would return to my ex.... further intervention wouldíve been necessary, for our daughterís sake.

She recommended sole custody to me. She said this is not a case for joint custody because of the history of violence. She appreciates that we both use OFW well and are able to communicate that way- and I should continue to keep my ex updated on all medical and school stuff as I have been doing. Recommendation is that I sign everything to allow him to keep updated on school and medical. Religion isnít an issue.

She said that it was concerning that during his therapy sessions that he never disclosed his threats against D2 and he never specifically told his therapist that heíd been charged with threatening her life and mine. Just assault. She said she is concerned that he continues to minimize the violence. And hasnít addressed his substance issues at all. She called it his troubling past with substance use.

She said the observations went well at both homes. The level of engagement with D2 and her dad is great. She did not express any concerns around alienation.

So yeah, her recommendation is that my ex continues his therapy;
and his therapist said she would be willing to continue to work with him IF she got a copy of the OCL report and the CAS report- oh yeah, he forgot to mention that our family was involved with them. Basically- and these are my lawyers words to me after- therapy was a PR campaign to help him deal with his criminal charges, but he got called out by his therapist and the OCL.

He asked for a gradual increase to 50/50. Letís put it this way- she didnít even mention when he should start getting overnightsó- maybe it will be in the report?

OCL recommended the same schedule be maintained- Wed afternoons and 1 day each weekend...and maybe add a second weekday evening IF and only IF the proper supervision could be arranged.

Is there an end in sight? Yes, if he can get a therapist to say heís not a danger to our daughter.

But that custody should be settled because medical decisions have to be made around D2ís health, and education.

So hereís the problems...

First. What the actual fuck??! Heís still a danger to our daughter??!

To me? Yes. But to her? I didnít expect to hear that.

I donít think this couldíve gone worse for him..what does he have left to lose? He might as well fight the report.

Iím glad you finally know what the ocl was thinking. Even though it sounds really scary... at least they are aware of what is really going on with dad and his behaviour. I hope he wonít fight the report. Even if he does it doesnít mean he will win.


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  #8  
Old 02-12-2019, 07:10 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Is there any danger he may take physical action toward you at this time outside of the report? That is my concern right now. Retaliation.
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  #9  
Old 02-12-2019, 08:55 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Is there any danger he may take physical action toward you at this time outside of the report? That is my concern right now. Retaliation.
It's my concern right now as well. My bigger concern is his mental state and if he decides to do something to himself- and our daughter. His sister is still the supervisor. I have some concerns there...I've contacted our co-parent therapist and my therapist for some guidance- on what I can do to ensure she's safe when she goes for her visits.

As for me- yes, I'm afraid. The OCL made it a point to note that there is a still a risk to me- there are high indicators. I always sort of knew it- but I am hoping they are just being overly cautious. Right now I have to decide whether I bring this issue with me to my new place of employment and do the safety planning. I did at my last workplace- it sucks because it definitely affects the way upper management views you. He's never shown up at my workplace before and never has done the following/stalking thing...I have a safety plan at home with my parents (where we currently live).
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  #10  
Old 02-12-2019, 09:13 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Just be safe and in high alert. If your gut tells you something is off. Listen to it... you sound like you have some plans in place so that is good just keep building on them.

How did ex react at the meeting?? Or did they do it separately?


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