Love yes, marriage no
Announcement
Collapse
No announcement yet.
Do you still believe in love?
Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
-
well i am on my second marriage and my hubby can tell you that i had deep trust issues to work on. With his help and love I learned that not every man was like my ex. My husband was wonderful and understanding when i was going through the turmoil of trying to learn to trust. He even said to me one time that he was paying for some others mans mistakes but he knew that i needed to work through things. He gave me the time i needed and it has been almost 12 years of happy marriage.
Comment
-
What is Love......
I am also a child of divorce. My Dad was an alcoholic, mom was the "perfect wife". They divorced when I was 13, and luckily I had two sisters and a brother. We became the four muskateers !! The four of us stuck together and protected each other from our parents crap, but in the end we all were screwed up as to relationships and love, and life. I was married at 24, to my public school crush. It was bizarre to me and "romantic"...is that stupid. I hadn't seen him in ten years, we never dated in public school, he didn't know I existed. Funnily enough, I took a part-time job with someone else I'd known all through ps and met him again after all those years and I shook ;like a baby just seeing him. Long and short of it three months later I moved in with him (his mother & sister, his parents had separated the year before) and a two years later we were married. His Mom and I became best friends and she was an amazing person. I spent most of our relationship as his caretaker, he was a drinker and the goal was always to drink and get drunk. You'd think I'd have clued in to the "marrying Dad" syndrome but oh no I knew better!!!! He spent his time with his friends, at strip clubs with his friends and at parties with his friends...first year we were married he spent "same as above" while I called around looking for him...or spent the weekend waiting for him to come home so we could fight....nice eh!!!! I should have left then and his Mom thought I would, she was the only one who knew some of this behavoir...I hid it from everyone else so I wouldn't look like a fool. Then I got pregnant....it got worse....he is/was a good provider but usually he provides for himself and then me and the children.
He wasn't abusive as in physical but emotionally and I let him. I knew better and I let him all because I didn't want anyone to know that I had made such a HUGE mistake because I was the "smart one"...lololo
I've come to realize through the death of many family members, his parents and my older sister, especially...that life is very short and very long...the death of people close to you will make you exam yourself and those around you. The loss of my sister was devastating to me and after her death I really started evaluating my life. Then my (oldest)15 year (at the time) old started cutting herself, one night I ended up at the hospital with her...I over heard her say to the attending that she cut herself so my husband and I would quit fighting and we'd have something else to do...I went for a walk while I cried my eyes out realizing in that brief moment that I had done no one any good and had taught my daughter that pain was the only way to get me to see...I called my husband and told him what she had said, he thought I was over reacting as usual. He was asleep when we got home at 4am. I know he had to work....so did I....I was up all night thinking, went to work and got sent home....no one ever brought up that night again...we didn't talk about it, I tried but both him and my daughter blocked me out. That's when I started leaving.....
I loved my husband with all my heart, I thought he was my sole mate... and he loved me maybe..I don't know..I loved my daughters unconditionally...they hate me....the best love I knew was my siblings and that's changed.....so I don't know if I know what love is or should be...I don't love myself anymore...I failed...a lot of people....I don't feel worthy of love....I wonder sometimes what's the point of any of it. I wonder if I did anything "right" or if love is some elusive carrot the world dangles in front of us to keep us going......
Non-existent in the universe
Comment
-
Originally posted by Mooview View PostThen my (oldest)15 year (at the time) old started cutting herself, one night I ended up at the hospital with her...I over heard her say to the attending that she cut herself so my husband and I would quit fighting and we'd have something else to do...
I hope she's better now.
Comment
-
As far as I know the oldest hasn't done it again, but I haven't seen my kids since the day I left, two years ago. Everyday I cry for what I 've lost and will never know. Some days are better than others.
Thanks for the support from all here and just the opportunity to connect with others going through this crazy ride.
All my love,
Non-existent in this world!
Comment
Comment