Divorce Party

[Tayken]

I don't think it's just a 'chick thing' to do.... some comments I've come across:

“After my divorce, I was bad-tempered and slightly crazy for months. My divorce party was cathartic. I finally let go of all the anger, sadness and regret. It marked the end of a difficult chaotic time.”
Rick

“My divorce was long and painful. After two years of lawyer hell, I got the divorce decree, placed it in the center of my mantelpiece, and threw a blowout party for all the friends who’d stood by me.”
Henry

or how about Divorce Gifts for Guys: Divorce Gifts for Guys,Divorce gift men,divorce party men,divorce men
www.DivorcePartyStore.com-Home

Lawyers, courts and experts profit enough from separation and divorce. Why spend more money on a party? Better to focus on moving on than trying to pretend that separation and divorce is a "happy" thing. If you are looking for closure be a good parent, love your children and move on. Demonstrate to the world that you can move on and be a good parent, raise children that are educated, contribute to society and are successful.

Divorce parties are in my opinion demonstrate narcissistic tendencies that only focus on one's self and not the situation at hand. Generally the people who have a "divorce party" exhibit very egocentric patterns of behaviour.

Find joy in being a better parent, finding a new relationship and truly moving on. So many people seek closure the wrong way with their "friends" and don't move on an appropriate way.

Living in the moment doesn't do much for one in the long term. A series of "moments" without consideration of the larger picture of one's life and the emotional impact of divorce can lead to a series of "moments" that lead up to a crash eventually.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

LOL!! As if what you do ((at that point)) is really any of your ex's concern!! LOL!!

My Ex has said to me on a couple occasions "so you're already planning your party, eh?" To which I reply - "Yep"... but then again, he also knew that I am the type that will plan a get together with my girlfriends for nothing more than "woohoo it's Friday" LOL!!

Please don't take this the wrong way - I really am not some wild party girl!! LOL!! ((I went back and re-read that... LMAO!!)) But when I do have the rare occasion to just let everything else go, I make sure I live in the moment and just enjoy the happiness and friends I am sharing this with.....

All ladies need a "Girls Nite Out" just as all guys need a "Guys Nite Out"....

Well, I have seen two divorce parties show up in affidavit materials. I can tell you judges generally who are big "C" conservative in the courts do not find them funny. The especially don't find them funny when the party who has the party has it at a night club and spends 100$ a bottle for their friends when accepting child support and spousal support.

It really doesn't demonstrate that you "need" the support. One resulted in the ending of spousal support.

If you want to run the risk of having the pictures of your "celebration" used in court by all means, party it up... But, what few people who go through the courts realize is that any thing you do is before the court. Even in your personal life.

A "change of circumstance" can be brought forward at any time when children are involved and the whole ordeal can start again.

So, celebrate by all means, post the pictures on your social media accounts... Demonstrate you are "happy" about what has happened... Hope they don't end up in an affidavit on a "change of circumstance".

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Fedupwithcrap]

Tayken,
If only 2 have shown up in affidavits then the chances of a vengeful ex doing it are slim. It wouldn't matter with people such as that whether it was $100 on booze or what they spent it on. Some ex's simply poke around anywhere looking for something to use against someone.
It's quite sad really.

In my opinion people shouldn't live in fear after divorce/separation of what their ex may or may not use against them.
To live that way is terrible, you have absolutely zero quality of life from fear.

[Tayken]

Tayken,
If only 2 have shown up in affidavits then the chances of a vengeful ex doing it are slim. It wouldn't matter with people such as that whether it was $100 on booze or what they spent it on. Some ex's simply poke around anywhere looking for something to use against someone.
It's quite sad really.

This only two motions that I have personally audited of the thousands that hit the courts a day. So, if you talk statistically I don't see all, nor do I have time to audit every motion before the court. These are just random long motion hearings that I have sat in that seemed interesting.

What is more sad is the parent who requests, demands and litigates for support and spends that money on a party and not the child or their own "best interests". Support is paid for those who need it... Not for those who want to have a good time.

In my opinion people shouldn't live in fear after divorce/separation of what their ex may or may not use against them.
To live that way is terrible, you have absolutely zero quality of life from fear.

That fear is personal anxiety. If they are living in "fear" then they should read some books, be good parents and not conduct themselves in a manner that could get them into hot water.

Fear drives litigation and if that person in question is "fearful" they should seek psychological assistance as the anxiety and/or fear and/or worry they have is their own personal problem. Not the problem the courts have.

If you don't do stupid things and be a good parent and live your life properly you have nothing to "fear" in court.

What you are discussion is what is known as "annihilation anxiety".

Annihilation Anxieties: Definition from Answers.com

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

Tayken,
If only 2 have shown up in affidavits then the chances of a vengeful ex doing it are slim. It wouldn't matter with people such as that whether it was $100 on booze or what they spent it on. Some ex's simply poke around anywhere looking for something to use against someone.
It's quite sad really.

In my opinion people shouldn't live in fear after divorce/separation of what their ex may or may not use against them.
To live that way is terrible, you have absolutely zero quality of life from fear.

Furthermore, if the party in question who lives in "fear" they may want to investigate why they have the "fear". Question if they were "reasonable" with the other party in the matter and if their conduct, requests and/or demands were reasonable.

If they made unreasonable requests, got an unreasonable settlement or made false statements... If they were reasonable then they have nothing to "fear".

Furthermore, if they are living in "fear" then they took matters to court... Their solicitor should have explained to them that once brought to court it will more than likely end up being in front of the court again. Once you break the seal and ask the public system to assist you in resolving a divorce your life and everything in it becomes a matter of public concern.

That is why you should settle matters reasonably and in a balanced way. If you took too much and know it... The "fear" that the person in question may be actually the "fear of being found out" (Pseudocompetence)

Pseudocompetence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Generally these types of fears are associated with a Axis II disorder of the personality and are long running fears that someone has had over the course of their lifetime. Court has nothing to do with the fears they are experiencing.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[blinkandimgone]

Well, I have seen two divorce parties show up in affidavit materials. I can tell you judges generally who are big "C" conservative in the courts do not find them funny. The especially don't find them funny when the party who has the party has it at a night club and spends 100$ a bottle for their friends when accepting child support and spousal support.

It really doesn't demonstrate that you "need" the support. One resulted in the ending of spousal support.

If you want to run the risk of having the pictures of your "celebration" used in court by all means, party it up... But, what few people who go through the courts realize is that any thing you do is before the court. Even in your personal life.

A "change of circumstance" can be brought forward at any time when children are involved and the whole ordeal can start again.

So, celebrate by all means, post the pictures on your social media accounts... Demonstrate you are "happy" about what has happened... Hope they don't end up in an affidavit on a "change of circumstance".

Good Luck!
Tayken

Unless they can prove YOU spent the money and on what, I find they'd have a difficult time including it in any arguements against you. Easy solution: have your friends throw you a party. The ex and a judge can't hold against you what your friends decide to spend THEIR money on...

[hadenough]

Posting anything personal on FACEBOOK is a huge mistake. I went off it while going thru Court and I'm still off it. Follow the rule: don't put anything on there that you wouldn't put on the back of a post card. A lot of ppl get busted by Social Media. FB is a big NO-NO during litigation.

My other court matter involves a vast collection of FB pics re: my ex and it definitely is not doing him any favors. Lol, the IDIOT...

[Tayken]

Unless they can prove YOU spent the money and on what, I find they'd have a difficult time including it in any arguements against you. Easy solution: have your friends throw you a party. The ex and a judge can't hold against you what your friends decide to spend THEIR money on...

Actually, that is what the judge said. They got the financial transactions under Rule 13. The bar bill was about 1,400 bucks for the "divorce party". It was 3 times what the SS and Child Support was for the month. Didn't demonstrate "best interests" very well to the judge. Judge was very loud to everyone in the motion hearing that day when the evidence was presented through disclosure.

Yes, the person was stupid enough to put the "divorce party" on their credit card and under Rule 13 had to produce the evidence. Yes, there are people this stupid out there before the court.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Fedupwithcrap]

Posting anything personal on FACEBOOK is a huge mistake. I went off it while going thru Court and I'm still off it. Follow the rule: don't put anything on there that you wouldn't put on the back of a post card. A lot of ppl get busted by Social Media. FB is a big NO-NO during litigation.

My other court matter involves a vast collection of FB pics re: my ex and it definitely is not doing him any favors. Lol, the IDIOT...

So true!!
Facebook should at times be renamed drama book. LOL
Some of the things people post on there is attrocious.

I know a few young woman that have posted rather explicit things, and had it come back and bite them in the butt.
Sometimes you have to give your head a shake at the sheer stupidity of people

[Tayken]

Posting anything personal on FACEBOOK is a huge mistake. I went off it while going thru Court and I'm still off it. Follow the rule: don't put anything on there that you wouldn't put on the back of a post card. A lot of ppl get busted by Social Media. FB is a big NO-NO during litigation.

My other court matter involves a vast collection of FB pics re: my ex and it definitely is not doing him any favors. Lol, the IDIOT...

Very sound advice that all good Family Law solicitors in their first meeting with a client advise these days.

Interesting side note to the discussion:

At a recent motion a party used the other party's financial disclosure against them. It seems that the other party subscribed to eHarmony when no divorce order was issued. They were still legally married. The opposing party used the other party's financial records to demonstrate that the opposing party was a habitual fabricator and used this in their favor. The only way the person could have subscribed to eHarmony was to lie to the service provider.

This threw the credibility of the other party under the bus. All the opposing party had to do was attach the financial record and the eHarmony policy for accounts. It was rather amusing to see how the party who claims honesty before the court in sworn material on "hearsay" have a judge question them as to how they got an account without deceiving the service provider.

eHarmony requires a copy of the divorce order and/or certificate to get a subscription.

The judge basically ended the oral arguments with the statement: "You are ending your last relationship on a lie and now are going to start one on a lie."

Good Luck!
Tayken

PS: Rule 13 (Financial Disclosure) is a deadly Rule if executed properly.

[Tayken]

So true!!
Facebook should at times be renamed drama book. LOL
Some of the things people post on there is attrocious.

I know a few young woman that have posted rather explicit things, and had it come back and bite them in the butt.
Sometimes you have to give your head a shake at the sheer stupidity of people

Justice Quinn, Bruni v. Bruni:

In recent years, the evidence in family trials typically includes reams of text messages between the parties, helpfully laying bare their true characters. Assessing credibility is not nearly as difficult as it was before the use of e-mails and text messages became prolific. Parties are not shy about splattering their spleens throughout cyberspace.

Date: 2010-11-29
Docket: 384/07
URL: CanLII - 2010 ONSC 6568 (CanLII)
Citation: Bruni v. Bruni, 2010 ONSC 6568 (CanLII)

You can add all the social media sites to the list of places people say stupid things about the other party to Justice Quinn's wise observations.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[hadenough]

My EX spent 8 months CS (at the time: he was "voluntarily" paying $300/mo) on his wife's engagement ring. Although the discrepancy between what he claimed to spend on the ring and the receipt for it produced - the Judge made no reference to the cost of the ring being 8 months CS, paid for IN CASH, as per the Receipt. And would you believe - HIS lawyer provided the receipt!!

As well, EX had gambled and spent a night at a Casino/Resort Hotel @$280 per night just a few weeks prior to Trial. Again, the Judge referenced this (b/c at trial he denied it, then "couldn't recall") and again, no comment was produced in the decision that he spent almost 1 month CS for a hotel, not to mention gambling. And yes: this "stay" was on his Credit Card Statement. I still have NO idea why his attorney produced that engagement ring receipt, which was entered as an exhibit. He actually did a few things along those lines, that I to this day have NO idea why he did. (?!) But hey, thanks Bozo.

[Tayken]

My EX spent 8 months CS (at the time: he was "voluntarily" paying $300/mo) on his wife's engagement ring. Although the discrepancy between what he claimed to spend on the ring and the receipt for it produced - the Judge made no reference to the cost of the ring being 8 months CS, paid for IN CASH, as per the Receipt. And would you believe - HIS lawyer provided the receipt!!

As well, EX had gambled and spent a night at a Casino/Resort Hotel @$280 per night just a few weeks prior to Trial. Again, the Judge referenced this (b/c at trial he denied it, then "couldn't recall") and again, no comment was produced in the decision that he spent almost 1 month CS for a hotel, not to mention gambling. And yes: this "stay" was on his Credit Card Statement. I still have NO idea why his attorney produced that engagement ring receipt, which was entered as an exhibit. He actually did a few things along those lines, that I to this day have NO idea why he did. (?!) But hey, thanks Bozo.

Rule 13 strikes again. Hadenough great use of the financial disclosure.

The solicitor is compelled to produce the financial disclosure under Rule 13. If they don't it will be court ordered on motion and your costs would be paid. Better to produce the evidence than to have your client thrown under the bus. Even if the evidence is bad like you demonstrated it is better to give it up without fear and hope no one notices. If they refused it and forced you to get it through motion then it would only put more attention on it.

But, good for you handenough! Great use of Rule 13.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[hadenough]

There has been a material change in circumstance since Trial. To his benefit and to my detriment. As well, the Golden 6 months has passed since the Decision was released. He has not complied at all w/the order (new CS and SS amount). The *6 month* mark is very relevant and I'm hoping will benefit me (his total disregard) in filing a motion to change the Final Order. I will have to get on top of this asap, as in next week. I never thought there was a silver lining to his wanton disregard but I feel optimistic that his pompous, lying ways are about to bite him hard on the ass. Stay tuned.

[Fedupwithcrap]

Will do hadenough.
Fingers and toes crossed