I Just don't get it!!

[lorlaman]

A horrible thing to say, but I did laugh, alone in my home - that is okay isn't it??

distraught, being abused the way you said is truly horrible, but it is hard to have sympathy for you the way you have conducted yourself here both in words and attitude.

It is in the past, yet you keep it with you and it does not seem to be helping you move on. He should not have done what he did, you should not have let him, it is all in the past.

AMEN! billm, Amen!

[Mess]

Don't go there Mess: You'll get a reputation


Cheers!

Gary

I'll bet you $10 and a bottle of tequilla that this is canadamomma

The $10 is for the cab ride home in the morning when you wake up in the alley.

[Gary M]

I'll bet you $10 and a bottle of tequilla that this is canadamomma

The $10 is for the cab ride home in the morning when you wake up in the alley.

I'll not take that bet, as it would not surprise me if you're correct.

As for the 10 smackers, I won't need it: The paramedics got me home safely after the last time we partied....

Cheers!

Gary

[Pursuinghappiness]

My rant was over him getting to walk away after his obligation to his kids was over and if we were together this would not be the case.

Everyone heard what your rant was over and were appalled by the what you think. The only lack of understanding here is on your part. YOU ARE WRONG, we all sided with your ex...and now you're mad. You starting talking about abuse, etc to deflect your initial argument because no one agreed. Then started hurling insults because your whining didn't work either.

Suck it up buttercup, you opinion on his obligation is ridiculous. You cannot speak for what your husband "would have done if you were together" because YOU ARE DIVORCED. And frankly, if he had supported your children into adulthood, he'd be even more abusive than you've already accused him of being by contributing to the dependency mentality of adults who should be out there earning their own living.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Let your children have real lives and go buy 15 cats or something if you're lonely...don't cripple their ability to function by trying to breastfeed them until they're 30.

While I don't believe anyone deserves to be physically or mentally abused...I must say that I think its a good thing that you are no longer married. I should feel sorry for a woman to have claimed to be abused in the past but truthfully, right now I find myself feeling for more pity for your children and ex-husband.

[MiViLaLoco]

I have a bit of a rant here.. I am currently separated almost 4 years, I have 3 children living with me. My ex does pay spousal and child support.My kids are older 19,17 and 15. He does pay for my sons university education, I did offer to pay some of it but he wanted to claim it on his taxes so he declined my offer. We were married or almost 18 years, in those 18 years he physically abused me and my children, threatened that if I ever left I would have nothing... the mental and verbal abuse were the worst(just a little insight). I had a separation agreement drawn up to which he changed everything n t and told me to sign or go to court and I would be broke (he makes a lot of money). Still living under fear I suppose and not wanting the fight or having the energy for it.

The agreement states ( the part he changed) that He would pay spousal for 8 years and child support until the kids were done school, I had originally asked for child support to be paid until the children were financially stable. Here is my rant, what gives him the right to cut his kids off once they are done school ??? these kids need to get into the workforce and start up their lives! so am I to kick out my kids because I cant afford to have them live with me?? if we were together he would still support his kids so what makes it different?? he would still pay the bills , pay for school and they would live at home until they could stand on their own!

Holy Hanna! Talk about OCDing on something that shouldn't be an issue.

It actually took me 2 cups of coffee (which I later wish had been spiked with a little something) to read through this tread and try to make sense out of why the OP was so "Distraught".

About halfway though the only thought that came to my mind is that if your ex somehow arranged for a glitter farting unicorn land in your yard and grant you 3 wishes you'd probably whine and complain about only getting 3 wishes, why it wasn't a panda bear, and that the glitter was making a mess.

Really...when it comes right down to it. Suck it up!

Nobody held a gun to your head and made you have 3 children with the man...nobody...but yourself. So your life now is a result of the choices you, yourself, made then. Regardless of how many other issues, situations, etc., that you feel you had no control over...it was ultimately you...nobody else...that stayed. Deal with it...live with it...accept it...for gods sake learn from it...and move on.

There are many, many, many people out there that wish they had an ex that actually paid what they were supposed to...when they were supposed to...secondary education included!

Somewhere along the line...did you happen to forget that it is your job as a parent to raise independent children? I don't really give a rats ass about what happened to you...or what your ex did. It is your job as a parent to make sure your children are productive members of society. Period. Nobody else's...yours.

Are your children handicapped in some way that they are incapable of being independent? By that I mean a physical or mental handicap...not just having a Mom that has taught them that they "deserve and are entitled" to being looked after by their parents because they've had such a hard life.

If the only reason you want them "looked after" is because you have instilled that sense of entitlement in them due to the situation you chose to raise them in when they were younger...well...I guess it really sucks to be you. Once again...you alone will have to live with the consequences of the choices you've made.

If your children feel they need to be "looked after" once their secondary education is complete...well the job will fall to you...you, afterall, helped mold their thinking this way.

Otherwise...they will have to go to their Dad and ask him themselves.

However, I fail to see how you think they will need any financial support if they are living with you and having all their secondary education paid for by their father. By all logic, they should be entering the work force with zero debt...and for that, any full-time entry level job will give them enough $$ to live independently with a couple of roommates...regardless of how they were raised.

[Pursuinghappiness]

By all logic, they should be entering the work force with zero debt.

You know that's a really good point. I was just reading an article about how many college/university grads are leaving school with massive amounts of debt even from just undergrad education. Schooling is so incredibly expensive now...takes you 10+ years to pay off the debt sometimes.

[cashcow4ex]

You know that's a really good point. I was just reading an article about how many college/university grads are leaving school with massive amounts of debt even from just undergrad education. Schooling is so incredibly expensive now...takes you 10+ years to pay off the debt sometimes.

Unless the children are in ways lucky enough to be the product of a divorced family. Then they leave with exactly 1/3 the debt. We pick up the tab for the rest.

[Gary M]

You know that's a really good point. I was just reading an article about how many college/university grads are leaving school with massive amounts of debt even from just undergrad education. Schooling is so incredibly expensive now...takes you 10+ years to pay off the debt sometimes.

A sound byte on the radio this morning spoke of an average student debt over $20K these days - and the piece was about college diplomas, not degrees (!)

Frightening

Cheers!

Gary

[distraught]

You all seem to be overwhelmed with the fact that he pays his support is on time and he pays for my sons university! He makes over $200,000 a year and gives me 500.00 for spousal and 300.00 per child, is that fair, yes I signed a separation agreement which is not valid! regardless if signed. When I went to a lawyer to have an agreement drawn up he stated that a financial statement was needed no matter what, my ex refused under any circumstances to fill one in I wanted this over and done with! I did not want to deal with him anymore.After the agreement was drawn up and done, my lawyer sent him a registered letter stating that he willingly refused to do a business and financial disclosure, he did not reply to that.As I said before he totally changed up the agreement, he refused to sign the one that was drawn up by the lawyer. Having spoke to my lawyer yesterday, the agreement is MOOT! He suggested I take the agreement, go file it in court . There is documented proof that he was given a letter to provide disclosure but didn't respond, the table amounts of ss and cs are as he put it "bullshit" to what he makes and hides in cash. Any judge will want financial disclosure regardless if all assets such as the home and other were settled, it does not matter, I am to file the original agreement along with the agreement that he put together. I am going to stand up for this! For those that have commented that I deserved to get beaten, you are all warped! I will stand up for myself I have hospital emergency room records, police records and doctor records. I am a very strong advocate against abuse!! If at the end of all this everything remains the way it is that's fine, but at the very least I know I spoke up and tried to do something about it.

[Mess]

Take some more meds.

You received indepenant legal advice and decided to settle out of court anyway. Your lawyer is trying to drum up billable hours.

You are both required to make a financial disclosure IF YOU GO TO COURT. If you don't go to court you can do or not do whatever the hell you want. He didn't break any laws, what he did make you an offer and you accepted it.

Did you sign the settlement agreement or didn't you? You say you did, so you agreed. He therefore signed it too in good faith.

As far as his income goes, you are raving. The court doesn't make decisions based on what yuo think. They make decisions based on what you can prove.

Why are you even here? You already have your mind made up. Are completely paralyzed and can't do a thing unless a bunch of faceless names on the internet agree with you and tell you to go ahead?

Start writing up your application, why not? You will find that you have to make LOGICAL arguements backed up by FACTS. You haven't been able to do this so far so you will need to start early, you have a lot work ahead of you.

[formyGirls]

I wanted this over and done with! I did not want to deal with him anymore.

You lost your patience and gave up the fight.

You obviously were happy enough with the agreement at the time to sign it, and accept it for this long.

Now that your financial reality is setting in, you feel that your ex should provide cs over and above guidelines, and for an amount of time that would be an exception to substantial precedence.

Be prepared to answer for all of this in a clear, fact based, and logical way. You have got one heck of a challenge ahead of yourself.

You may get further ahead by arguing that due to all your emotional issues, you were not competent to sign the agreement at the time, and thus should be voided. I think you even can get a bunch of people on here to vouch for you, too, as we would at least agree with that statement!

Good luck out there!

[distraught]

Yes my mind is made up and I can back it up! I will let you know how it turns out!! In the mean time take your bottle of tequila over to gray's house ( went to school with that jerk!) You two can hang out (eww), get it on, wrestle, and then you can stumble your ass on home, get up the next day walk to the mailbox pick up your welfare check and then get on the bus and head over to adult school so you can finish getting your grade 12 diploma!!! mess you don't know me yet you are so judgmental. Right down to the fact of me being deserving of abuse.I don;t know you nor would I want to but your very bitter and frustrated with yourself it seems that's how it seems to me and a lot of other people that I have received private messages from, it seems quite a few think you are a nut and appear to be very angry yourself. I would be to if I had to hang with Gary!! Wow Gary you have aged!

[lorlaman]

Dear (?) distraught,
I can't help but wonder how much of this anger and resentment you hold for your ex, is being rubbed off on your kids, even indirectly. You need to do look at your kids and ask the question the courts supposedly ask,"Is this in the best interest of the children?" If you can answer yes in everything you do, then you have parented as a parent should. I firmly believe you will not get there. You live your life the way you CHOOSE to live it, not how some-one forces you to live it. You are just a bag of excuses with not enough fingers to point at people. I am tired of reading about your sob story because I have seen that movie too. Except for your hair, face and body, you are identical to my ex. Stand up, be accountable and responsible for your own actions; today's and yesterday's. Raise your kids not to be like you. You will be disappointing in the end if you do. What a waste of bandwidth.

[blinkandimgone]

Yes my mind is made up and I can back it up! I will let you know how it turns out!! In the mean time take your bottle of tequila over to gray's house ( went to school with that jerk!) You two can hang out (eww), get it on, wrestle, and then you can stumble your ass on home, get up the next day walk to the mailbox pick up your welfare check and then get on the bus and head over to adult school so you can finish getting your grade 12 diploma!!! mess you don't know me yet you are so judgmental. Right down to the fact of me being deserving of abuse.I don;t know you nor would I want to but your very bitter and frustrated with yourself it seems that's how it seems to me and a lot of other people that I have received private messages from, it seems quite a few think you are a nut and appear to be very angry yourself. I would be to if I had to hang with Gary!! Wow Gary you have aged!

Oh...you went to Harvard too?

mess you don't know me yet you are so judgmental.

Hello Pot, have you met Kettle? Seems you're rather judgemental of any/everyone who has disagreed with you in this thread and you don't know any of them: Mess, Gary, Slughead etc.

[distraught]

You have bitter ex issues to, my kids are great!!! thanks to me.I have and am raising wonderful kids. They don't drink, do drugs, they go to school have great grades, my oldest works and goes to university. I take pride in how my kids are turning out in life, they are respectful and caring children. I can pat myself on the back and know I have done great with them. I have one major regret... not having removed them from the situation they were in, and I have to live with that.