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  • OCL Recommendations

    So S/C is tomorrow.

    I am in receipt of my EX’s brief.

    He strongly disagrees will most of OCL’s recommendations of course. Except for a small few that benefit him... such as some minor changes to access schedule.

    The one that I am most concerned about is the therapy and parenting classes he has been told to take.

    His Brief says he will “endeavour” to get therapy with our children and himself but does not want it ordered.

    Of course he makes no mention of the parenting classes. Which is what he needs the most. Imo.

    This will now be the 3rd social worker/ professional to recommend he get some help to learn how to support our children better. It shows in the report from collaterals who else has met with dad and recommended parenting classes.

    The fact that dad says he will “endeavour” means nothing. As he has said many times in the past he will attend. But why on earth should anyone believe him since he has yet to do so?

    This is one issue I hope at some point will be court ordered.

    That is where a lot of the kids resentment comes from. The way they are treated by dad.

    Have any of you actually had the SC judge read your OCL report? And speak to what is in it?

    I am pretty sure the report will get disputed which I know means nothing.

    But everything else aside I really want my ex to be able to better emotionally support our kids and understand what they are going through.

    He still is arguing we communicate “good enough” for joint custody.

    He says he gets back to me in 24 hrs. Lol

    I have so many emails where it takes weeks to get a response and only after 2nd request.

    One of his “wants orders” was to order me to include him in taking kids to bday parties in his time. Lol.

    Again I send the invites. He ignores. Child misses out. So a week before I get his brief. As usual I send a bday invite. I send photo of invite and ask him to respond. Either way yes or no.

    No response given. Send 2nd email saying 2nd request. He actually responded. (Responded to parents, not me) which is fine. After the second email.

    So again another example of how he can’t /won’t communicate with me. And I have a million others.

    Anyways I know the bashers will come out.

    I just want our kids to start trusting dad again and then I think things will get better for them. Which is why dad really needs to consider what has been recommended and why.



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  • #2
    Have you put all of these suggestions from the OCL into a settlement offer?

    I haven't been to an SC post-OCL so I can't tell you how much the SC judge reads and references the report...but I can imagine they look first and foremost at what the settlement offers are.

    What does yours say/offer?

    What does dads say/offer?

    Comment


    • #3
      So my lawyer advised not to put the therapy/parenting class in the offer. His reasoning was because of course he wouldn’t accept it. I strongly already knew he wouldn’t accept it anyways.

      So depending on what SC judge says tomorrow. I will do up another offer. And I think I will include the Caring Dads course. We are so far apart in our offers.

      My offer asks for most of the arrears he owes with a discount. His offer says he owes $0.00. That is insane.

      My offer says Sole custody. His says joint.

      Ocl included my ex admitted his gf writes all correspondence. Ocl says the gf has triangulated herself Into the parental relationship and needs to disengage completely.

      My ex says we can communicate enough for joint.

      Even though OCL pointed out several instances where consent was not given for medical necessities. Which was not in children’s best interest to deny. And that ex is not directly doing any communication with me.

      Ex wants to pickup children at 4:30 pm on his Friday and mid week access.

      I say it should be from school or bus stop (ex still working at this time). As why should I have to provide childcare/ pay for it for a half hour until he finishes work.

      Also the children are picked up by a family member and taken to their home. The ex refuses to pickup the children from that location. He insists it’s my home. Yet I work until 5pm and don’t get home till 5:30 after picking the children up. So I suggest 6pm pickup on his access Friday but he still insists on 4:30 pm.

      The holiday stuff we are very far apart on. There is an existing agreement that was filed with the courts.

      He has only had one week in the summer. I offered two weeks and OCL recommends that as well. He wants week in week off because his gf doesn’t work in the summer and can baby sit them. He also says that he can be home during this time??? Yet he is an auto mechanic and that is busiest time of year.

      He says that kids should not be in summer camps specifically because I need before and after care. And he can provide it instead of paying a portion of it. And that I have never needed before an after care in the past. All of a sudden I need it now? I have the past 4 years of camp in invoices showing we have always used before/after care. Lol.

      Keep in mind he lives 50 mins away from children.

      He agrees to $500 total per year for sports. (For two kids)

      And if that includes a summer/spring sport he will not pay for that and summer camp??

      I offered he pay for half the boys hockey as he always has previously. And we put I would be responsible for child care in the summer no cost to him.

      He offered $200 per year for tutoring. Again for two kids. (They currently don’t require it)
      And a max of $500 year for therapy for both kids after benefits which I pay for all of.

      $25 a year for orthotics.
      No mention of dental fees or other health related items.

      1/3 of tuition books and residence.

      He wants it ordered that I inform him if the kids are seriously ill two days prior to access. Lol

      This was because last year our son developed strep the day before his vacation. I notified him as soon as I could. But this again is my fault and I ruined their vacation


      I had him at dr’s two days prior and strep test came back negative. The morning before he was going with dad for a week he still felt ill. (I did inform dad of the previous app). So I then took child to emerge knowing he would’ve camping for a week. And emerge two days after a neg test confirmed it was strep.

      He also insists I provide professional consents again. I have provided these in writing to him and the professionals of whom most of them he already had prior contact.
      He says I have changed them and not notified him. Again all bs.


      He had family day weekend that I would never have them on the Monday. If it’s his weekend he keeps them till 7pm Monday. If it’s my weekend he gets them Sunday morning till Monday night. Lol.

      The way he split the holidays I would never have a long weekend with our kids

      I offered long weekends stay as they are and he can have kids until the Monday at 1pm.


      Keep in mind the children have repeatedly said throughout the entire OCL report they do not want more time with dad.

      Yet my offer significantly increased his time from what he has now and has had the last 5.5 years.

      I said I could agree to $500/yr per child for all extra curricular. Kids only play hockey and soccer.

      I said I would cover daycare

      And that I can’t and shouldn’t be made to agree to a limit on health/ medical costs.

      Im sure there is more. But we are miles apart on all of it.




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      • #4
        I think putting in therapy is a good idea if it's recommended by OCL and htere is a significant issue. If you want to sweeten the deal- you do the same thing.

        In my offer- I included a provision saying both parents continue therapy with their respective therapists AND continue co-parent therapy. I want my ex to continue with his therapy- and I will do the same to show it's even-steven. As to parenting classes- I find that one tough...from all the case law I've read- judges don't like to order it. Or worse- they get aggressive and ask whether the parent requesting it has done it themselves.

        All the stuff that he's requesting- and you've already done- why not agree to it again? Send back another offer that agrees to it. Just cause you're agreeing to it- doesn't mean you havent' already been doing it.

        The way you're framing things like "his gf doesnt' work in the summer, and he's not around"- I don't think it's helpful and a judge might go "it doesn't matter if it's the gf watching them"...instead- can you frame it in a parenting plan that works up to what he wants AND incorporates some of the suggestions from the OCL? e.g. work with a kids therapist and both parents attend- when all parties agree it's time- increase the kids time, every couple of months. So you can work up to week about access in the summer next year or the year after...etc etc.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          I think putting in therapy is a good idea if it's recommended by OCL and htere is a significant issue. If you want to sweeten the deal- you do the same thing.

          In my offer- I included a provision saying both parents continue therapy with their respective therapists AND continue co-parent therapy. I want my ex to continue with his therapy- and I will do the same to show it's even-steven. As to parenting classes- I find that one tough...from all the case law I've read- judges don't like to order it. Or worse- they get aggressive and ask whether the parent requesting it has done it themselves.

          All the stuff that he's requesting- and you've already done- why not agree to it again? Send back another offer that agrees to it. Just cause you're agreeing to it- doesn't mean you havent' already been doing it.

          The way you're framing things like "his gf doesnt' work in the summer, and he's not around"- I don't think it's helpful and a judge might go "it doesn't matter if it's the gf watching them"...instead- can you frame it in a parenting plan that works up to what he wants AND incorporates some of the suggestions from the OCL? e.g. work with a kids therapist and both parents attend- when all parties agree it's time- increase the kids time, every couple of months. So you can work up to week about access in the summer next year or the year after...etc etc.


          Thanks Iona all great suggestions.

          So here is the thing. I have done my due diligence. I took kids to moms house dads house program. Which is sited in OCL report. I am participating in a parenting course call “circle of Security”. Also sited in the OCL report. And ocl says that I have sought therapy myself and that I continue to do so as I feel its needed. All of these things were on my own choice.

          Actually school social worker recommended dad take the kids to Moms house dads house and he didn’t do it. So I took them.
          I also took the children to therapy for the last year and a half. I can no longer afford it on my own and pay for this litigation.

          Do you see a pattern?? Mom does everything. Dad does nothing. It’s always been this way. Ocl even out mom has always had to advocate for dad t be involved.

          So that clarifies the therapy part.

          The children do NOT want to spend more tome with dad. My oldest is 11. Does this count for nothing. And he specifically says he does not want to spend time with the gf and her kids.

          These are kids who have routine and structure with mom and have had so for a very long time. Why is it fair to upset this when for the last year dad has made no effort even while knowing we are in litigation??

          He says I don’t inform him of school events. Yet I have every email showing I did. And I invite to him to every appointment. School or drs. And he doesn’t show up. Particularly the school ones where he says I don’t tell him??

          One being two weeks ago and important meeting. He doesn’t respond to me. And he doesn’t show up??
          Yet I should put forth a plan to increase time??

          I agree with what you are saying. Put things in place that must take place first.

          But this is a person who just put in his brief he refuses to be ordered to do any of this

          Your ex is at least attending the parenting stuff with you. Kiddos to him.
          My ex has been invited several times. He ignores.

          Sure your right. I can agree to the stuff I already. Ex the consents. No biggy. Your right

          I asked the OCL to recommend co-parent therapy. There is a program called New ways for families.. she didn’t think it was needed. As she said it’s more important for dad to repair his relationship with his kids first and foremost.

          I offered to attend this Program with my ex and his partner before I took the court route. Again... two requests Ignored.


          Oh he also put in he wants a parenting coordinator and that if we can’t agree the coordinator has final say? He can’t afford to pay his fair share but wants us to pay for this??

          If I put in the clause that you are suggesting. Which I think is a good incentive for him to show he really does what more time and is willing to work towards that. There is no way he will ever agree to that. I will run it by my lawyer and see what he thinks.

          And as self rep mom already said and ocl said. Their school their medical stuff and primary residence are already figured out. The sports they play as well. So why does he insist on joint custody after so long? It’s a control issue that is all.


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          • #6
            all the things you're saying- are exactly what the court would want to see- put it in writing. make all those offers, again- in your offer.

            my lawyer put everything focused on D2 in parenting, we set out a parenting plan that continually increases D2s time with her dad- but there are checkpoints along the way that were recommended by OCL. Basically the strategy he's taking is "WARNING SIGN- something is not okay with dad and his anger. Could impact D2 adversely. Let's set out a plan so that D2 is safe". For me- safety is actual physical safety...for you- safety seems like mental safety for your boys. Equally as important. I hope your lawyer is focusing on that - and not on the time sharing....the narrative the OCL set out for you is that Dad has issues with his boys, and he needs to address it to ensure kids are okay. Run with that- which is what you sound like you're doing. Just make sure that's really clear in your court documents.


            our co-parent therapist is actually a parenting coordinator as well. I didn't set it out in the offer- but I offered for us to continue to work with her and IFF we can't reach a consented agreement with her help - we just take it back to court. So far I like our co-parent therapist. I think it's good to feel like we have some one neutral guiding us....and I'll certainly give my ex the fact that he's continued with her- and me and that he seems committed to the process. He's back in therapy as well- and I'm having an intake with his therapist next week.

            now- i just wish we could settle the litigaiton and stop the bleeding from legal fees.
            Last edited by iona6656; 05-29-2019, 10:25 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
              all the things you're saying- are exactly what the court would want to see- put it in writing. make all those offers, again- in your offer.

              my lawyer put everything focused on D2 in parenting, we set out a parenting plan that continually increases D2s time with her dad- but there are checkpoints along the way that were recommended by OCL. Basically the strategy he's taking is "WARNING SIGN- something is not okay with dad and his anger. Could impact D2 adversely. Let's set out a plan so that D2 is safe". For me- safety is actual physical safety...for you- safety seems like mental safety for your boys. Equally as important. I hope your lawyer is focusing on that - and not on the time sharing....the narrative the OCL set out for you is that Dad has issues with his boys, and he needs to address it to ensure kids are okay. Run with that- which is what you sound like you're doing. Just make sure that's really clear in your court documents.


              our co-parent therapist is actually a parenting coordinator as well. I didn't set it out in the offer- but I offered for us to continue to work with her and IFF we can't reach a consented agreement with her help - we just take it back to court. So far I like our co-parent therapist. I think it's good to feel like we have some one neutral guiding us....and I'll certainly give my ex the fact that he's continued with her- and me and that he seems committed to the process. He's back in therapy as well- and I'm having an intake with his therapist next week.

              now- i just wish we could settle the litigaiton and stop the bleeding from legal fees.


              I am glad things are working out for you and that at least your ex is trying and engaging in all these services. Mine however has always refused and continues to refuse.

              The OCL also said same as you. Dad takes kids to therapy. And when therapist thinks they are ready. They integrate back with gf’s kids

              Yes ocl recommended gf’s kids not be there on dads access. As they bully my kids and all the attention is on them. So perhaps I should add that in too although I know it won’t fly.

              Gf changed her access when she met my ex so they had all kids together. Fine I get it. Who wouldn’t. Want a kid free weekend. Except if my ex really wants to repair things he would make it go back to how it was. Just his kids with him and gf. I know that’s a hard one but it’s what our kids need


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              • #8
                Mom 2 two: what's the way out since you guys are so far apart? A trial to have the judge agree on these items? they all seem "trivial" but really pile up in the end.

                Custody / visitation will be the big one but other than that, I find all of this a big waste of time. Shouldn't all these expense be section 7 (or whatever it is) and he pays a percentage of them based on income? You then claim what you want but honestly if the kids are with you most of the times I wouldn't claim that much since it seems a major hassle to deal with him..

                Does he have NPD or some other cluster B personality issues? These people like high conflict and you can't negotiate with them since they feel entitled. Ask me how i know. lol..

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  The OCL also said same as you. Dad takes kids to therapy. And when therapist thinks they are ready. They integrate back with gf’s kids

                  Yes ocl recommended gf’s kids not be there on dads access. As they bully my kids and all the attention is on them. So perhaps I should add that in too although I know it won’t fly.
                  You know what problem both you and I have? The OCL could mean shit to the judge. And to that- I have no answer....I guess we'll see. I'm banking on the threat of the OCLs report bringing my ex to the table on negotiations. But I could be 100% wrong.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                    You know what problem both you and I have? The OCL could mean shit to the judge. And to that- I have no answer....I guess we'll see. I'm banking on the threat of the OCLs report bringing my ex to the table on negotiations. But I could be 100% wrong.
                    So an OCL report doesn't mean anything? I thought that it was the children's voice..

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by gettingexpensive View Post
                      Mom 2 two: what's the way out since you guys are so far apart? A trial to have the judge agree on these items? they all seem "trivial" but really pile up in the end.

                      Custody / visitation will be the big one but other than that, I find all of this a big waste of time. Shouldn't all these expense be section 7 (or whatever it is) and he pays a percentage of them based on income? You then claim what you want but honestly if the kids are with you most of the times I wouldn't claim that much since it seems a major hassle to deal with him..

                      Does he have NPD or some other cluster B personality issues? These people like high conflict and you can't negotiate with them since they feel entitled. Ask me how i know. lol..


                      So I have asked for 50% Section 7 yes. Even though his income is higher than mine.
                      But will work with him on some of them with a certain amount as a cap. Keep in mind we have a separation agreement that says this. He is to pay in proportion to his income Lol. He stopped paying what he was supposed to pay because he wants to pay less. With no real reason accept he now has a partner and her three kids living with him whom he says he helps support. I agree. All waste of my money!! He says he never consented to the expenses. Typical. Except agreement lists what he should be paying for. He paid them all for the first three years. Is that not consent enough?? It was all consented to even though the agreement doesn’t say consent was needed. 4th year moves gf in and refuses to pay. And it’s just hockey and soccer. There was tutoring and therapy for a year. Which was a necessity. He paid. Now he says if it’s needed again he wants a cap on it???
                      Refuses to pay dental bills from the last 4 years. When I didn’t have insurance. And for half the portion that was not covered.
                      Refuses to pay arrears of half life insurance. Again these were all listed in agreement which he signed and agreed to.

                      All reasonable amounts. Nothing crazy.

                      I dropped the life insurance fee. Dropped summer care... and dropped soccer. He not asking for half hockey.

                      Ocl told him in front of our lawyers that she believes he had a neurological issue and he should see a dr. She did say she wouldn’t put it in the report. And she didn’t. He most definitely had a processing disorder. And the GF... the one running the show most likely has some sort of disorder. The things the children have told me aboutthe way she acts and treats dad is quite worrisome. And they told ocl they are afraid of her. I think dad is in a codependent relationship. And what the gf says goes. End of story. These were all non issues when gf didn’t exist.

                      I agree he should pay according to his income. He does not agree. There are arrears he thinks he owes 0$

                      I am prepared for a trial. As I won’t subject the kids to more time after what has been validated that is going on at dads home. I did offer him more Time. Enough that the kids wouldn’t be hugely affected. If I was to agree to what he wants for access this would only lead to more issues with our children costing more money in therapy and behaviour issues which have already been confirmed by several therapists and school social workers on top of the OCL. I can show you my 35 page report. It’s quite eye opening.

                      Sure tellme how you know about the disorders. ?? How did you negotiate with someone who has one? Or did you give in? Or go to trial.

                      I have an agreement that says I have sole custody. Singed 5 years ago. Properly down to through lawyers and filed with court.
                      There is no material change. And then their is the status quo of what the children have thrived off of. Does this not count for anything. Plus them consistently telling ocl they want it to stay the way it is. ?


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                      • #12
                        Theres a lot of the backstory that gets lost from mom2twos previous posts and now. Remember that this is a parent who was fine with the way things were going, was paying what was required, was barely seeing the kids and shut his mouth for FIVE YEARS. He found a new partner who has kids and wants to blend the families. He didn’t file to change the situation because of that. HE STOPPED PAYING. Mom2two had to file a motion to get him to pay for medical, education and sports that dad had been paying all along. He moved to another city and suddenly started dictating how he wants things. In any other case of a dad wanting change you see someone who has moved down the street, attends all appointments and meetings, pays extra for activities, provides daycare services himself, goes to therapy and all the other parenting classes etc. This man does none of that.

                        Even when oCL did their in home visit he was barely involved. His gf did all the activities and dad caused issues OCL noted he needed to change. OCL witnessed issues between the kids and the gfs kids and recommended they not be there on the weekends.

                        This is absolutely a case of dads new partner wanting to change the status quo and dad simply saying no more money if I dont get what I want. He has even bullied her into getting what he wants over the last year when it comes to his parenting time.

                        The judge ordered OCL because dad said give me the kids. I have a hard time believing they won’t review the report. At this point, you’ve offered a reasonable amount of time and funds. You are not asking for thousands for bullshit expenses. These are all necessary for their physical and emotional health.

                        I saw take a deep breath, see what the judge says tomorrow and then go from there. You will have a better idea once the judge weighs in.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          My neutral, third party, outsider-looking-in, only hearing your side of the story opinion:

                          As I said in a previous thread- offer up joint custody. I don’t know if you have a full grasp on what are and what aren’t joint custody decisions. A lot of your concerns seem to be around s7’s and to be honest, even in a JC situation, primary caregiver basically has final say anyways. Especially if non-primary parent is only doing this as a power move, and backs off within the next year. Which sounds like what your ex may do. If it’s something medical and he doesn’t show/respond to your email, then just go ahead and make the decision based on doctors/dentist recommendation. Collect expenses based on your ironclad s7/medical/dental order that you will need. Do either of you have benefits?

                          Besides that, here is what I would put an emphasis on:

                          -Going off of Iona’s suggestion, week about summer access if he agrees to attend counselling. Offer to go to the same course as well, even if you’ve already done some. I WISH my ex wanted week about summer access. I’ve offered it twice, he says no.
                          -Arrears. This is flexible. Depends if you want to pay for your lawyer’s next vacation or not. Make another offer but reduce the amount you want a bit maybe. How much does he actually owe (provable)? How much have you offered?

                          The rest:

                          -Pay a friends teenager or a neighbour $10 to get your kids off the bus every other Friday and let their dad pick them up at 4:30. He probably wants to have dinner with them and 6pm is cutting it late when he already lives 40 mins away, and also probably doesn’t want to pick them up at your family’s house, because I mean, who wants to deal with their ex-in-laws. If you want to be really petty, collect receipts from said neighbour and collect his portion through your ironclad s7 order.

                          -Forget the gf and her kids. Very unlikely any judge will rule that her kids can’t be in the house when your kids are, and there is no way you will ever be able to control this. Put an emphasis on the counselling for dad in your order so he has the tools to deal with the kids emotions, and learn to accept that these people are going to be around your kids whether you like it or not.

                          -Your oldest child is 11. They have no say on Access time. Start being positive and encouraging visits with dad.

                          -S7 expenses: get an order that is very clear on what is covered, proportionate to income. The costs that your ex has offered up so far sound fairly reasonable and on the right track.


                          To summarize: A lot of the stuff you are arguing about is petty, and a judge isn’t going to have the patience to listen to it. From my experience, they will focus on one or two major things that they can try and get a resolution and consent order on. If you put joint custody and week about summer access on the table, under the condition that you both do joint parent counselling and individual parenting classes/therapy, the judge is going to see you as reasonable and level headed. Do not bring up the girl friend/step siblings

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
                            My neutral, third party, outsider-looking-in, only hearing your side of the story opinion:



                            As I said in a previous thread- offer up joint custody. I don’t know if you have a full grasp on what are and what aren’t joint custody decisions. A lot of your concerns seem to be around s7’s and to be honest, even in a JC situation, primary caregiver basically has final say anyways. Especially if non-primary parent is only doing this as a power move, and backs off within the next year. Which sounds like what your ex may do. If it’s something medical and he doesn’t show/respond to your email, then just go ahead and make the decision based on doctors/dentist recommendation. Collect expenses based on your ironclad s7/medical/dental order that you will need. Do either of you have benefits?



                            Besides that, here is what I would put an emphasis on:



                            -Going off of Iona’s suggestion, week about summer access if he agrees to attend counselling. Offer to go to the same course as well, even if you’ve already done some. I WISH my ex wanted week about summer access. I’ve offered it twice, he says no.

                            -Arrears. This is flexible. Depends if you want to pay for your lawyer’s next vacation or not. Make another offer but reduce the amount you want a bit maybe. How much does he actually owe (provable)? How much have you offered?



                            The rest:



                            -Pay a friends teenager or a neighbour $10 to get your kids off the bus every other Friday and let their dad pick them up at 4:30. He probably wants to have dinner with them and 6pm is cutting it late when he already lives 40 mins away, and also probably doesn’t want to pick them up at your family’s house, because I mean, who wants to deal with their ex-in-laws. If you want to be really petty, collect receipts from said neighbour and collect his portion through your ironclad s7 order.



                            -Forget the gf and her kids. Very unlikely any judge will rule that her kids can’t be in the house when your kids are, and there is no way you will ever be able to control this. Put an emphasis on the counselling for dad in your order so he has the tools to deal with the kids emotions, and learn to accept that these people are going to be around your kids whether you like it or not.



                            -Your oldest child is 11. They have no say on Access time. Start being positive and encouraging visits with dad.



                            -S7 expenses: get an order that is very clear on what is covered, proportionate to income. The costs that your ex has offered up so far sound fairly reasonable and on the right track.





                            To summarize: A lot of the stuff you are arguing about is petty, and a judge isn’t going to have the patience to listen to it. From my experience, they will focus on one or two major things that they can try and get a resolution and consent order on. If you put joint custody and week about summer access on the table, under the condition that you both do joint parent counselling and individual parenting classes/therapy, the judge is going to see you as reasonable and level headed. Do not bring up the girl friend/step siblings


                            Again refer to Rockscan response. Lol

                            This all sounds great. It’s not my ex. And I won’t subject the kids to any
                            More emotional neglect than I have to. If a judge orders it then so be it.

                            Ocl reports boasts how I continually try to get the children to see time with their dad as positive. And even a third party therapist quoted what I had said in a session as to trying to get the kids to see the positive in any of this.

                            Anyways thanks for the opinion. It’s nice to view all opinions. Not just the ones I like.

                            I will talk to Lawyer about all the suggestions with counselling and therapy. But I am tapped out. Been doing therapy/ parenting stuff for the last three years to help/advocate for my kids. It’s time dad steps up and does what he needs to do. And as usual he is refusing.


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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                              Theres a lot of the backstory that gets lost from mom2twos previous posts and now. Remember that this is a parent who was fine with the way things were going, was paying what was required, was barely seeing the kids and shut his mouth for FIVE YEARS. He found a new partner who has kids and wants to blend the families. He didnÂ’t file to change the situation because of that. HE STOPPED PAYING. Mom2two had to file a motion to get him to pay for medical, education and sports that dad had been paying all along. He moved to another city and suddenly started dictating how he wants things. In any other case of a dad wanting change you see someone who has moved down the street, attends all appointments and meetings, pays extra for activities, provides daycare services himself, goes to therapy and all the other parenting classes etc. This man does none of that.

                              Even when oCL did their in home visit he was barely involved. His gf did all the activities and dad caused issues OCL noted he needed to change. OCL witnessed issues between the kids and the gfs kids and recommended they not be there on the weekends.

                              This is absolutely a case of dads new partner wanting to change the status quo and dad simply saying no more money if I dont get what I want. He has even bullied her into getting what he wants over the last year when it comes to his parenting time.

                              The judge ordered OCL because dad said give me the kids. I have a hard time believing they wonÂ’t review the report. At this point, youÂ’ve offered a reasonable amount of time and funds. You are not asking for thousands for bullshit expenses. These are all necessary for their physical and emotional health.

                              I saw take a deep breath, see what the judge says tomorrow and then go from there. You will have a better idea once the judge weighs in.
                              I’m so on the fence on this one. I don’t think dad is asking for a ton of time though, just EOW with one night a week? I would say let him have the extra time with his kids, with a condition that there is parenting counselling done. If, as the kids get older, they decide they really do hate dad, then so be it. At least the OP can never be accused of interfering in their relationship down the line. Basically, give him rope to hang himself if he wants it.

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