I have been involved in court for over a year now with my ex regarding our daughter, 19 months, and now our son, 6 months. We were separated and court was initiated by him before the birth of our son.
To date, all court appearances have been left with an access agreement for him (for our daughter only) based on the judge's insistance that we "aim for shared/joint" custody. I have had a problem with this due to the lack of their dad's ability to put the kids interests first...and all efforts are placed on proving his ability as a father, or my inability as a mother. I am on maternity leave with our son, in my own home, with less than the guideline support (for ANY circumstance) being paid by him to me. Therefore I cannot afford a lawyer, although i know it would be in my best interest to have one..... i just do NOT have the means.
I'm looking for advise based on the fact that I am trying to do what is right and BEST for the kids; a stable and consistant relationship with each parent. Right now the schedule for our daughter is based on his work schedule. (he works 24 hour shifts and they change each week, but are the same throughout a 28 day cycle, if that makes sense). It is not all that consistant, based on her age. Also, he has told me that he uses "his time with our daughter as a way to keep her from me". He does not watch our daughter, but rather leaves her with family or his new gfriend. I don't mind about needing a "sitter" from time to time, but if the majority of, for lack of a better term, "his" time (and by majority i would say more than 40%) is not spent with him, I don't understand how this is acceptable.
The other thing I am struggling with is that my ex REFUSES to let me know of anything, and i mean ANYthing about my daughter while she is in his care. A judge made a comment once that while the child is in his care, she is his responsibility and i think my ex is taking that way too literally.
I don't want this to be perceived that it is about me making him out to be the "bad guy" obviously there are issues between us, otherwise we would still be together. I don't understand how, based on his absolute defiance and inability to communicate if a court will allow the current situation to continue. ?
In regards to our son, as per the advise of a parenting coach (that did not work out due to above mentioned "issues between us"), i offered situations for him to spend time with his dad to form a healthy attachment after which he could commence a visitation schedule based on our son's eating schedule (i'm nursing). this was dismissed and is now saying that i'm keeping his son from him because i won't allow him to be taken for hours on end to a whereabouts i'm not privy to. (again, not trying to keep tabs on my ex... but i do like to know if my kids are in the city)
Any suggestions or comments are appreciated. We are returning to court in Oct for another case conference to address all of the issues that have been dismissed up to this point.
Thank you again!
To date, all court appearances have been left with an access agreement for him (for our daughter only) based on the judge's insistance that we "aim for shared/joint" custody. I have had a problem with this due to the lack of their dad's ability to put the kids interests first...and all efforts are placed on proving his ability as a father, or my inability as a mother. I am on maternity leave with our son, in my own home, with less than the guideline support (for ANY circumstance) being paid by him to me. Therefore I cannot afford a lawyer, although i know it would be in my best interest to have one..... i just do NOT have the means.
I'm looking for advise based on the fact that I am trying to do what is right and BEST for the kids; a stable and consistant relationship with each parent. Right now the schedule for our daughter is based on his work schedule. (he works 24 hour shifts and they change each week, but are the same throughout a 28 day cycle, if that makes sense). It is not all that consistant, based on her age. Also, he has told me that he uses "his time with our daughter as a way to keep her from me". He does not watch our daughter, but rather leaves her with family or his new gfriend. I don't mind about needing a "sitter" from time to time, but if the majority of, for lack of a better term, "his" time (and by majority i would say more than 40%) is not spent with him, I don't understand how this is acceptable.
The other thing I am struggling with is that my ex REFUSES to let me know of anything, and i mean ANYthing about my daughter while she is in his care. A judge made a comment once that while the child is in his care, she is his responsibility and i think my ex is taking that way too literally.
I don't want this to be perceived that it is about me making him out to be the "bad guy" obviously there are issues between us, otherwise we would still be together. I don't understand how, based on his absolute defiance and inability to communicate if a court will allow the current situation to continue. ?
In regards to our son, as per the advise of a parenting coach (that did not work out due to above mentioned "issues between us"), i offered situations for him to spend time with his dad to form a healthy attachment after which he could commence a visitation schedule based on our son's eating schedule (i'm nursing). this was dismissed and is now saying that i'm keeping his son from him because i won't allow him to be taken for hours on end to a whereabouts i'm not privy to. (again, not trying to keep tabs on my ex... but i do like to know if my kids are in the city)
Any suggestions or comments are appreciated. We are returning to court in Oct for another case conference to address all of the issues that have been dismissed up to this point.
Thank you again!
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