I Just don't get it!!

[Gary M]

We could probably find Gary Wheaton, figure out who distraught is and then email this thread to her ex.

I sincerely doubt that any of this would be news to her ex

Cheers!

Gary

[distraught]

Awww the two loser love birds. I can give you his information if you like. Funny how the two of you just can't walk away from this post. hahahaha

[first timer]

Research Canlii and see if there are any cases similar to yours that may help if/when you decide to go to court; just a heads up, if you do follow through and take your ex to court you will have to prove your side which is more difficult than him having to defend his side:

Spousal support continued:

[25] The Guidelines indicate that spousal support payable with a child involved, in marriages of short or medium duration, should not exceed the date when the last or youngest child finishes high school. In the present case, the younger child should graduate high school in 2013. Essentially that would provide spousal support to Ms. Bateman for just in excess of 15 years. Although that would exceed the length of cohabitation, I am satisfied that it is reasonable in the circumstances for Mr. Bateman to pay spousal support until James graduates high school. Mr. Bateman has the income to pay both child support and spousal support.

CanLII - 2008 NBQB 306 (CanLII)

Spousal support terminated:

[36] In my view, it is appropriate at the present time to set a date for the termination of spousal support. There is nothing in the evidence which persuades me that the combination of the claimant’s educational background and Benjamin’s educational requirements satisfactorily explain the claimant’s current unemployment.

[37] In the result, I order that spousal support continue at the present rate of $1,200 per month for a further period of twelve months commencing November 1, 2010. Thereafter, for the next 12 months, payments shall reduce to $600 a month. By October 31, 2012, the respondent will have paid support for a period of nine years. His obligation at that time will be terminated.

[38] In total this will result in the claimant receiving spousal support for nine years from the date of separation.

[39] I recognize the amount of support ordered falls slightly below the $1,392 per month which represents the low end of the range suggested by the S.S.A.G. taking into account only the payor’s income. I do so because in my view that the claimant should have some income at the present time and I impute to her a nominal annual income of $12,000 based upon part-time employment at minimum wage.

http://www.canlii.org/eliisa/highlig...0bcsc1527.html

[distraught]

first timer, I can't thank you enough for that information!! I will look into that and thank you for the link. I appreciate it more then you know. Thank you.

[Pursuinghappiness]

You know what bothers me in general about this whole thread (aside from the obvious)?

Its that one of my biggest worries is that the divorce drama never ends...it lingers for years and years and years even while you're following the signed agreements....if you made the mistake of marrying someone who has mental/anger/bitterness issues like this OP.

I really hope this isn't the kind of nonsense I have to look forward to...what a nightmare this woman's poor ex-husband must have to deal with on a constant basis. I wonder if they make a Hallmark card for people dealing with this kind of ex.

[formyGirls]

Yep, they do! It's dusted in that lovely white powder too!

Sign it , From your Aunt Thrax

[HammerDad]

Wow, I missed a doozy while I was on vacation with my D6.....

Distraught, your unfortunate reality is this:

1. as much as you may believe otherwise, you have a validly signed separation agreement, which is in full force and effect until set aside by a judge. In order for it to be set aside you will have to argue that (notwithstanding receiving independant legal advice) you were duped and grossely mislead as your ex misrepresented himself. And/or now, 4 years later there is a material change you need addressed. All of this will be extremely hard given a) the time lapsed and b) the fact that had independant legal advice.

2. In Canada, as far as I know, there are no punative damages awards for bad relationships. Not even for abusive relationships. If there were, everyone would be paying everyone else, and our courts would be filled with people claiming there ex was bad hoping to justify some sort of windfall.

3. Your children are adults. As adults there is an expectation that they provide for themselves. My parents paid 1 year of college. I paid the rest. Once I graduated I got a job and worked. That is how it works in the real world. There is no obligation or entitlement for adults. If they choose not to work and burden you, well that is your problem to deal with. You will have to either tell them to get a job to contribute to the household or get out. But no court will order another person to financially support an adult of able bodied and mind. They can get a job just like the next person.....and if they choose not to, well, it isn't Pop's responsibility to empower laziness.

[blinkandimgone]

wow, i missed a doozy while i was on vacation with my d6.....

Distraught, your unfortunate reality is this:

1. As much as you may believe otherwise, you have a validly signed separation agreement, which is in full force and effect until set aside by a judge. In order for it to be set aside you will have to argue that (notwithstanding receiving independant legal advice) you were duped and grossely mislead as your ex misrepresented himself. And/or now, 4 years later there is a material change you need addressed. All of this will be extremely hard given a) the time lapsed and b) the fact that had independant legal advice.

2. In canada, as far as i know, there are no punative damages awards for bad relationships. Not even for abusive relationships. If there were, everyone would be paying everyone else, and our courts would be filled with people claiming there ex was bad hoping to justify some sort of windfall.

3. Your children are adults. As adults there is an expectation that they provide for themselves. My parents paid 1 year of college. I paid the rest. Once i graduated i got a job and worked. That is how it works in the real world. There is no obligation or entitlement for adults. If they choose not to work and burden you, well that is your problem to deal with. You will have to either tell them to get a job to contribute to the household or get out. But no court will order another person to financially support an adult of able bodied and mind. They can get a job just like the next person.....and if they choose not to, well, it isn't pop's responsibility to empower laziness.

like!!!

[formyGirls]

If there were, everyone would be paying everyone else, and our courts would be filled with people claiming there ex was bad hoping to justify some sort of windfall.

Ummm.... it's called Family Court?

[HammerDad]

Ummm.... it's called Family Court?

As much as I sense the sarcasm and jest of it, and do appreciate it....but we're talking punative damages, not spousal support. We have no fault in Canada (for better or worse).

And her case would be in civil court, where she would have to argue that the abuse caused her financial loss and then prove that loss. It would be an uphill argument picking numbers out of the sky as she will almost inevitably have some rediculous number, unrealistic for anyone but her to believe.

[standing on the sidelines]

As much as I sense the sarcasm and jest of it, and do appreciate it....but we're talking punative damages, not spousal support. We have no fault in Canada (for better or worse).

And her case would be in civil court, where she would have to argue that the abuse caused her financial loss and then prove that loss. It would be an uphill argument picking numbers out of the sky as she will almost inevitably have some rediculous number, unrealistic for anyone but her to believe.

plus then the person would have to prove the assault, provide police reports to show it was reported, justify why they stayed and all the fun stuff. To me the best revenge is living life well.

[distraught]

I joined this forum after reading quite a few posts and I genuinely started it to vent my anger. I got pissed off at the insulting comments and I was glad for the informative and helpful one's. It seems this thread keeps getting reply's, and I do read all of them, I have learned a few things, my anger is mine to deal with, if he wasn't honest with the division of certain things, there is nothing that at this point I can do, I will always look out for my kids and can hopefully help them if need be. i do not talk to my ex, I haven't in over a year, I think I am having a hard time getting over certain things but then after reading all this I guess I I need to get over it, forget about it, and yes live a life that I never had
It will be 4 years this January, it's time to get over it. I did take all that was posted here to heart even the nasty comments that were hurtful, but we are all just faceless people sitting behind computers dealing with all this bull the best we all can. I am glad for those of you that have moved on and have dealt with your issues. I do wish you all of you the best and hope that everything works out the way you hope it will. I guess I screwed up signing everything, accepting all his changes and agreeing, but reality is I did and know I have to live with it and move on. My kids will be okay , as someone said they are getting their education so they will excel in life, they are fortunate. If they do in the future need help in areas that I cant help them with then they can go their father themselves if the need to.Honestly I am sick of the burden that I put on myself with my kids, the anger, and wanting some type of payback for what he did. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is we are happy now.

[standing on the sidelines]

I joined this forum after reading quite a few posts and I genuinely started it to vent my anger. I got pissed off at the insulting comments and I was glad for the informative and helpful one's. It seems this thread keeps getting reply's, and I do read all of them, I have learned a few things, my anger is mine to deal with, if he wasn't honest with the division of certain things, there is nothing that at this point I can do, I will always look out for my kids and can hopefully help them if need be. i do not talk to my ex, I haven't in over a year, I think I am having a hard time getting over certain things but then after reading all this I guess I I need to get over it, forget about it, and yes live a life that I never had
It will be 4 years this January, it's time to get over it. I did take all that was posted here to heart even the nasty comments that were hurtful, but we are all just faceless people sitting behind computers dealing with all this bull the best we all can. I am glad for those of you that have moved on and have dealt with your issues. I do wish you all of you the best and hope that everything works out the way you hope it will. I guess I screwed up signing everything, accepting all his changes and agreeing, but reality is I did and know I have to live with it and move on. My kids will be okay , as someone said they are getting their education so they will excel in life, they are fortunate. If they do in the future need help in areas that I cant help them with then they can go their father themselves if the need to.Honestly I am sick of the burden that I put on myself with my kids, the anger, and wanting some type of payback for what he did. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is we are happy now.

Let the healing begin, you are on your way.

[dadtotheend]

first timer, I can't thank you enough for that information!!

....until first timer disagrees with you at which point you will turn just like you did with others in this thread.

You don't have any idea how many people exactly like you have come here before and refused to take good advice about their situation do you? Rather, you go on the attack when people tell you what time it is, and furthermore you claim that they are attacking you.

This violin has played itself out before...many times...people like you come and go here all the time....you're not unique.

You are pissed because your ex makes great money and you think that he should carry the financial cross for a lot longer than the law (and most of the rest of us) thinks he should.

You refuse to accept that at some point your kids must be responsible for themselves, especially when the pot of gold in which you participated at one point is no longer in your available for dipping into.

Good luck to you. You need it.

[distraught]

honestly? It doesn't matter to me who agrees or disagrees with me. I don't care how many people have come and gone,I hope for those people that things worked out for them which ever way they wanted it to. I am far from unique nor did I ever claim I was in any way. Am I pissed at the money issue? yes and no, he had money when we were together and so did I and I am still comfortable for a while anyway. I am happy that I have started my own company, I love doing what I do and I am free of ridicule and abuse. As for my children, indeed they will be okay and as I stated in the above post they can go to him if need be.I appreciate all the comment here good and bad, I have felt sorry for myself for years having to put up with his crap, I don't have to anymore and maybe those harsh comments made me see that. I know what I went through and I know what I decide to put myself through I don't need to live in self pity anymore, that's exactly what I was and still at times do, but I will work on that and I will get past it. I left for a reason and I am glad I did more then any of you know. When his obligation is done then it's done, I have time to establish myself and plan ahead and that is my intention. At the end of the day I am just a name on a computer as are all of you, we don't impact each others lives in anyway, we may take some good advice and learn things but other then that when we shut off our computer or log off this forum we all deal with what we have to. Thanks for wishing me good luck I wish you the same in all your en-devours.