I hope this is even the right place for me. I don't want to be "out of line" here. I am not the one getting a divorce. It is my sister. She found out about a month ago that her husband of 18 years (who obviously has been my brother-in-law for 18 years) has been having a year long affair. My sister was completely blind-sided! (SERIOUSLY she has NO idea). They have two sons, 8 and 11 years old. The soon-to-be ex-husband of the woman my brother-in-law is having the affair with called my sister and told her all about it. We are an extremely close family and this has devastated me! I know it didn't happen to ME but firstly I'm very close to my sister and her pain is my pain, but also I feel cheated on by my brother-in-law since I considered him a friend as well as a family member. My husband and I and my sister and her husband go on trips together often, have dinner every week and see each other a LOT. I see my nephews all the time and my kids are over there all the time.
I found out because my sister came to my house the day she found out and was a complete mess! She drove to my house, sat in front and cried like I've never heard her cry and told me the story. Then her husband called and asked her to come home and talk so she drove away. She wouldn't/couldn't pick up the phone for the next 3 days and didn't want to talk about it any more with me. She was devastated and of course couldn't speak about it. She didn't know what she was going to do at that point. I finally got her to open up again about 3 days later just so I could find out what was going on.
She told me that my BIL said (once he got found out of course) that he's VERY sorry and he didn't mean it to happen and he doesn't know how it happened and he wants their marriage to work and he loves her and the kids and ONLY her and he doesn't want the "other woman" and all that stuff. My sister believed him and agreed to counselling. They have been going to counselling for about a month now.
I'm on pins and needles every day because it's still so new and it could still go either way for them. I have this horrible sense of insecurity and dread all the time.
My sister didn't want ANYONE to know so she asked me not even to tell my own husband at first. Finally her husband had told a few people and I asked her to let me tell my husband because the news was killing me and I was so depressed and sad and my husband could tell something was wrong. To this day our mother still doesn't know.
The part that is the hardest (and why I want to reach out to a forum like this) is that I feel the loss like it happened to me and I guess some people don't understand that. It DIDN'T happen to me, but I'm so close to my BIL and I truly love him as a friend and a family member and it will be horrible if he's not in my world anymore. If my kids don't see him anymore... and my mother - she really loves and relies on him now that my father is gone. Not having him in our lives in the "big picture" will be totally devastating. They haven't decided what will happen and every time I see my sister it's a different story. Of course, it's still unfolding for her and I try NOT to ask her about it every time I talk to her because I don't think she wants to talk about it all the time. But on the other hand, I'm a talker. I need to talk things through and get feedback. Again, as I say, I don't know if this is the place for me to talk about this. Maybe there is someone out there who knows what divorce/infidelity is like for the OTHER members of the extended family.
I found out because my sister came to my house the day she found out and was a complete mess! She drove to my house, sat in front and cried like I've never heard her cry and told me the story. Then her husband called and asked her to come home and talk so she drove away. She wouldn't/couldn't pick up the phone for the next 3 days and didn't want to talk about it any more with me. She was devastated and of course couldn't speak about it. She didn't know what she was going to do at that point. I finally got her to open up again about 3 days later just so I could find out what was going on.
She told me that my BIL said (once he got found out of course) that he's VERY sorry and he didn't mean it to happen and he doesn't know how it happened and he wants their marriage to work and he loves her and the kids and ONLY her and he doesn't want the "other woman" and all that stuff. My sister believed him and agreed to counselling. They have been going to counselling for about a month now.
I'm on pins and needles every day because it's still so new and it could still go either way for them. I have this horrible sense of insecurity and dread all the time.
My sister didn't want ANYONE to know so she asked me not even to tell my own husband at first. Finally her husband had told a few people and I asked her to let me tell my husband because the news was killing me and I was so depressed and sad and my husband could tell something was wrong. To this day our mother still doesn't know.
The part that is the hardest (and why I want to reach out to a forum like this) is that I feel the loss like it happened to me and I guess some people don't understand that. It DIDN'T happen to me, but I'm so close to my BIL and I truly love him as a friend and a family member and it will be horrible if he's not in my world anymore. If my kids don't see him anymore... and my mother - she really loves and relies on him now that my father is gone. Not having him in our lives in the "big picture" will be totally devastating. They haven't decided what will happen and every time I see my sister it's a different story. Of course, it's still unfolding for her and I try NOT to ask her about it every time I talk to her because I don't think she wants to talk about it all the time. But on the other hand, I'm a talker. I need to talk things through and get feedback. Again, as I say, I don't know if this is the place for me to talk about this. Maybe there is someone out there who knows what divorce/infidelity is like for the OTHER members of the extended family.
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