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Sad story over custody and alienation

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  • #16
    ^^^ This is part of the problem. As long as you keep minimizing what happened (I didn't threaten her to her face, I was emotional at the time, there's no documented history of abuse, the police report is mistaken, she exaggerates everything), you aren't taking responsibility for what happened, and you will not be a plausible candidate for 50/50. You should double down on anger management classes, counselling, and anything else you can find to show that that you're a changed man and can be trusted to co-parent.

    By your own account, you're facing criminal charges related to statements about strangling your wife and children (although you say you didn't actually threaten to strangle the kids, just the wife), you have an existing order which says you can only see your kids at a supervised centre, you've had more police involvement resulting in you being removed from the marital home, and your criminal lawyer says that the best outcome you can hope for is a year's peace bond - not charges dropped. This is a long way from 50/50. You need to show you've cleaned up your act.

    If I heard that my ex had told his co-workers he wanted to strangle me and/or my kids, you can bet I would want him charged. Not because I saw an "opportunity", but because that kind of thing is f---ng scary and dangerous.

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    • #17
      how many spouses are dead or injured by an ex who made comments that were not taken seriously by others? I would rather the police err on the side of caution when situations like this arise.

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      • #18
        [QUOTE=stripes;202462]^^^
        ... and your criminal lawyer says that the best outcome you can hope for is a year's peace bond - not charges dropped.

        No... charges will be dropped with conditions like not communicating with the ex for a year or go near her house.

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        • #19
          ^^^ Still not getting it. The point isn't the precise conditions, the point is that even in your best-case scenario, you have been deemed too dangerous to your ex to be allowed any contact with her and only closely supervised contact with your children. This is not your wife's fault, it is not "the system"'s fault, it is your fault, and you don't seem to have any awareness of that. Until you start to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions, like talking about killing your wife, you aren't going to get anywhere with sad stories about "alienation".

          There are people on this forum who have committed an act of domestic violence, been charged, done their work and changed their ways, and now have good relationships with their children. Those are the people you should emulate.

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          • #20
            Mafia - you might be well served if there is someone whom you can speak with. Though the words were uttered as a result of extreme emotional stress, there's obviously a concern when someone hears them.

            The problem is that there is a shortage of mental health professionals who have training in or an understanding of family law. They also have a professional obligation to report cases where someone talks about wanting to harm themselves or others, which does make you less apt to have a fully open conversation.

            I recently switched from my employer's EAP counsellor who wasn't overly helpful to a psychiatrist who in discussions has been able to help with the emotional side. You may want to phrase the discussion about how you feel, and needing to reign your emotions in. You may be best off even looking into stress leave from work, so that you can deal with the problems.

            I've been reading a lot about meditation the last few weeks, though I understand the words, I'm still unsure of the practical results.

            Its hard because as humans and men, we are told to stand up for ourselves. Loosing access to one's home and children is definitely something that we want to fight for. The challenge is that we have to learn to use the pencil pushing legal system, which is very passive aggressive.

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            • #21
              Wow some people are being very "judgemental". Anyway, I won't bother to reply as on the legal side... they do look at the background, the facts, the historical and they all know how people get emotionally stressed and frustrated with the situation. (If your separation process went OK, good for you. For those who uses the children along the process... shame on you.)
              nfc4ever,
              I did took stress leave from work and I am seeking professional help to deal with the situation. I never said anything about it in my thread and maybe that's why some people are getting to conclusions that I don't take my responsability in front of the situation. I know what are my mistakes and what I did wrong. But in every separation, there is always two sides with both having their wrongs.

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              • #22
                Note to the Moderator/Administrator... can you please move this thread under the "Domestic Violence" category which would be more appropriate.

                thanks

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