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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 06-24-2009, 08:42 AM
gff834 gff834 is offline
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Default married, but was I really?

I married what will be 2 years ago on July 7 (07). It has always been long distance, between Ottawa and the UK, with me in the UK.

We agreed to a trans-Atlantic relationship for a while until things on her side would make it easier for her to move to the UK. Mostly this was issues with her kids from her previous marriage.

It has always been a bit of a roller coaster. The highs are great, but it has been hard. I've been able to travel back a lot. I spend between 80 and 100 days there every year, but it has become my residence.

Very rapidly over the past month things have really taken a nose dive. A lot that has happened would have been resolved if we lived together, but we haven't. Also, I will take a lot of blame for the deterioration in this relationship, but like in most cases, we've both made mistakes.

We've not spoken now in 2 weeks. I think she is thinking of a divorce, as am I. (I'd rather not, but...) I need to understand what obligations of support might exist in this case. I earn substantially more than her. She pretty much lives pay check to pay check, but and this has had no material change from before or after the marriage. She has very limited visibility on my finances.

Q - 1: are we in fact separated? When we are together, we live like we are married.

2 - Is there a case for a support obligation? She has keep the same job, and the same lifestyle.

3 - I am in the UK, and I have a very international lifestyle. If we divorce and she pursues support, what is the mechanism that she follows to get it.

Old 06-24-2009, 04:27 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if you live like a married couple when you are togther (sharing a bed and such) then you are not separated.
Old 06-24-2009, 06:47 PM
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billm billm is offline
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I can't see a case for support. Short marriage and you were only there 1/3 of the time and nothing in her life changed. You tried and it did not work (or you may work it out), but there is no reason you are obligated to support her.
Old 06-24-2009, 10:37 PM
Builder Builder is offline
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Sorry, but no, you aren't/weren't 'married'. Legally yes, realistically no. International marriages are rife with troubles when you can't or don't live together more or less consistently. I kept it going for 8 years on 3 continents, and am still suffering the logical outcome over a year after divorce .

Get out now, before you turn on each other in a nasty way. Be civilised, agree together that you have made a mistake and move on...most importantly to avoid trauma to the children.

There is no describing to others (and having them understand) what a chemical rush can result from 2 people merging in an international situation. All sense goes out the window and you can and will manage anything, right? For myself, I have learned that this is/was the ultimate passion combined with the ultimate stupidity. Doomed. There are those lucky folks who do manage it, but I'm pretty sure they are the minority.

As for your legally-phrased questions....get yourself to a lawyer. Every situation is different, and a relatively young relationship might reveal some ugly and unfortunate realities if you wait. Protect yourself, and don't do harm to others.

If you should decide to try to make a real marriage, one of you HAS TO leave your country. You don't have it so bad, at least you don't have to deal with a language other than English.

Just my thoughts, hope I didn't offend.
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