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  • #16
    Arabian, your post makes a lot sense. Other side wouldn't agree to mediation/arbitration. Asshole knew his position was weak. So we did mediation instead. Mediator sided with me so I wish it was arbritation as well this bull crap would have been over. You are so right. More money lawyers can suck from you. But now not only do I pay lawyer, but I have to pay mediator as well because he is still involved in the ongoing discussions that will go nowhere.

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    • #17
      I agree pretty much with your comments Helpmyspouse. Probably is, the way I see it, is most of us enter into the fray of family law with absolutely no idea of how things will play out. We TRUST lawyers too much. They tell us what we want to hear on that first meeting.

      We can warn people on here over and over again and make suggestions. People think "oh no my lawyer is different he/she really cares about me and the outcome of my situation" Yeah right. NOT.

      When the money well dries up it is amazing how quickly lawyers can get things rolling. For those with dependable ongoing generous sources of income or humungo home equity they can expect the nonsense to continue.

      Sadly if someone decides to try to take control of their situation and actually INSTRUCT their lawyer they will likely be faced with unanswered telephone calls/unanswered emails. Thus the advice I have always given is to make sure you receive detailed monthly invoices from your lawyer so you can fire them quickly.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
        Arabian, your post makes a lot sense. Other side wouldn't agree to mediation/arbitration. Asshole knew his position was weak. So we did mediation instead. Mediator sided with me so I wish it was arbritation as well this bull crap would have been over. You are so right. More money lawyers can suck from you. But now not only do I pay lawyer, but I have to pay mediator as well because he is still involved in the ongoing discussions that will go nowhere.

        ....and I bet your "mediator" is merely another lawyer correct?

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        • #19
          My ex, like so many, just wanted someone to tell him he was right and I was wrong. Arbitration suited his ego, was waaaaayyyyyy cheaper than trial, so he agreed.


          Most lawyers seem to not understand binding arbitration process. The ones that do can see that they don't make the money they typically make on keeping the fight alive with false assurances and repeated mention of "if this went to trial your ex would be fucked" (1% of cases actually end up at trial - something they fail to mention).

          Mediation is merely fancy, expensive 4-way meetings is all. Total waste of time and money in my opinion.
          Last edited by arabian; 07-07-2019, 12:45 PM.

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          • #20
            Non lawyers can be mediators as well.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by ClearWay Law View Post
              Non lawyers can be mediators as well.

              sure... so can your mother-in-law. That's my point. No value besides keeping the fight going. If people know they can arrive at agreement and then continually change their mind with no consequence then what value is there in mediation? Value + money for the mediator.

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              • #22
                My mediator is a lawyer whose hourly fees are even more expensive than my lawyer.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by ClearWay Law View Post
                  Well I'm glad you settled.

                  If we hadn't the judge would have done it for us. Judge facilitated everything.... within one day.

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                  • #24
                    I wanted to go to trial. I never wanted mediation and still don’t. However the judge refused to put us on the trial list which had the effect of us going nowhere for years. 81/2 years of litigation with not a single issue resolved. The only reason I agreed to med/arb is for the binding arbitration part. I have my agenda to first deal with issues he has agreed to in the past that we’re put into a court order on consent which he then reneged on. If he doesn’t come clean immediately on these issues I will stop the mediation and we can then proceed straight to arbitration.
                    I have no intention of letting mediation drag on.

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                    • #25
                      I'm just at the point of agreeing to a med-arb process, but I am self-represented (I've already spent $100,000 in legal fees, have nothing left and virtually nothing to show for it). His lawyer is recommending med-arb, suggesting it will move things along faster and may be the only way to get my difficult ex to accept anything if it's by arbitration (even his lawyer knows mediation won't work). Can anyone direct me to a resource that will give me the step-by-step of mediation and arbitration? I have no idea how to prepare, what to say or when, what to present ... and I can't seem to find anything online. Perhaps I should be posting this in a new thread, but I'm new here and can't even figure out how to do that ... so lost

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                      • #26
                        Update. Mediation was stalled in August ( no surprise there). They said they needed more time for an expert forensic accountant to prepare a report about his financials. After two months I had my lawyer ask what progress they had made so we could set another date. Answer: none! So had my lawyer contact the arbitrator and I insisted a date be set. So in early December we had mediation. The night before it was to happen ex’s lawyer emails he is in hospital and doesn’t know if he’ll be released on time. (This brings stalling to a whole other level).

                        So ex and lawyer did show up at the last minute completely unprepared ( and he is the applicant, duh). Didn’t settle a single issue ( couldn’t as he hadn’t prepared financials or a position statement). Now we have a spring arbitration date! He can’t wiggle out of this now plus I won a costs award against him for a successful motion I was forced to bring.

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                        • #27
                          Stilbreathing, unfreakin believable! I am sorry for the shit you are going through. I am in a similar boat. What a shit show! I made it to the trial list for November, paid my lawyer to prepare and then we didn't get called. We were too far down on the list and didn't make it to trial. What bull crap. You get on a list for trial you are not given an actual appointment so it's a crap shoot if you get called or not even though you STILL have to pay your lawyer to prepare. So $14,000 more down the drain for me. To make matters worse, ex is self-reping but mentally sick as ever and is ignoring correspondence from my lawyer. We sent two offers in October and heard back nothing. Zero movement from the other side. Although it's better for the ex as he refuses to get another lawyer since the last one milked him from his half of the equity from our home. So isn't this lovely! He is no longer paying a lawyer but I am drowning in legal fees trying to end this nightmare. My lawyer said something about asking the judge to make a summary judgement and avoid trial altogether. I didn't ask him to elaborate on this plan because I didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a phone call. But is this also possible for your lawyer to do the same and ask the courts for a summary judgement given that you too have been at this crap for years with no progress? I am so angry for both of us.

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