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Ex re-nagged on her approval

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  • #16
    There are many people here who have reverted back to following their orders as worded due to unreasonable behaviour on the part of the ex. Does it make you look like a dick? Maybe. Would saying yes and getting walked all over be better? No. You can consider things on an individual basis and maybe give it a year and see how things go. She might wise up, she might not.

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    • #17
      @ canadaguy, it really would have been nice to do it tho! lol. but I don't think I could really have pulled it off anyway, because I want to remain the "sane" person and I don't want to hurt my kids.

      I am really nervous now because I have summer vacations coming up with my children and I feel as tho I am walking on egg shells waiting to see if she will pull those email approvals as well. all of my vacations are paid for! while I know I can possible get the courts to make her pay me back if she does pull it. I don't want to lose the vacation time with my kids because she is pissed over court proceedings! Now I sit here and wait for the email saying "I no longer approve this"...really!!! I feel as tho she has so much power here. I can almost guarantee she will do it!! I would never think to do that to her and I haven't because the kids are normally excited about planned vacations and outings and I never want to disappoint them.

      I see my lawyer this week, so hopefully she can shed some light on this and what to do in the future when an "approved" request all of a sudden becomes "unapproved" just because she had a bad day or is pissed at me. No one can have this much power over your life...it's crazy!!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by mcj2012 View Post
        @ canadaguy, it really would have been nice to do it tho! lol. but I don't think I could really have pulled it off anyway, because I want to remain the "sane" person and I don't want to hurt my kids.

        I am really nervous now because I have summer vacations coming up with my children and I feel as tho I am walking on egg shells waiting to see if she will pull those email approvals as well. all of my vacations are paid for! while I know I can possible get the courts to make her pay me back if she does pull it. I don't want to lose the vacation time with my kids because she is pissed over court proceedings! Now I sit here and wait for the email saying "I no longer approve this"...really!!! I feel as tho she has so much power here. I can almost guarantee she will do it!! I would never think to do that to her and I haven't because the kids are normally excited about planned vacations and outings and I never want to disappoint them.

        I see my lawyer this week, so hopefully she can shed some light on this and what to do in the future when an "approved" request all of a sudden becomes "unapproved" just because she had a bad day or is pissed at me. No one can have this much power over your life...it's crazy!!
        I suppose you can send one last email to her, stressing that the time to 'not approve' the arrangements for Mother's Day and Father's Day was BEFORE BOTH days. She agreed to it, she already benefited from Mother's Day, and to not continue to uphold her agreement now is negotiating in bad faith. Be sure to include a line about how unfortunate it is that she has proved herself to be unreasonable in negotiations, which you will now have to take into account when requesting your court order and when considering all future suggestions she makes to deviate from the court order. And maybe go get your summer vacation agreements in writing with a notarized signature at her expense ASAP, since emails from her are apparently not worth anything. And unfortunately, you probably have to start playing hardball. If she screws up your previously agreed-upon vacation plans, you have to mess with hers as well. Revert to whatever default schedule you have in place. Be sure to word it as "I see you do not want to honour our previous agreements regarding vacation times. I expect you to adhere to the regular schedule for the summer then." so it's clear that you are reacting to her actions, not initiating anything mean yourself.

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        • #19
          At the risk of nitpicking and micro-managing: if you did send this email, I'd leave out statements like "... you want ..." or "... unreasonable...". You don't actually know what she wants, so attributing motives you can't observe is pointless. And "unreasonable" is in the eye of the beholder.

          Stick with exactly what happened and what you are going to as a result: "We agreed by email on [date] to make the following change to the schedule: [change]. On [date] I received an email from you saying [quote her message]. I attempted to resolve the situation by proposing [what you suggested about picking up the kids from her]. Because you did not make the children available on Father's Day as per our agreement, I am no longer willing to entertain requests from you for alterations to the schedule. Going forward, I will follow the schedule exactly as written in our divorce order. Any future alterations to the schedule will take the form of a formal change to our order."

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          • #20
            Wonderful! Just got a note that my lawyer is no longer with the firm. They have given my file which is over a year old to another lawyer who says she needs more time to review my file. which means SOL on the fathers day issue as I am sure by the time she gets to my file the day will be long gone.

            I am extremely nervous about recieving a new lawyer. I've done so much work and have built a rapport with my lawyer and now poof! she's gone! She left the firm! They gave me the principal lawyer who is more expensive but will charge me the same rate...but will I get the same service if she's not actually getting the rate she normally does. I'm starting from scratch after a year long battle, Terrible news!

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            • #21
              Can you find out where they went? Take your file to that lawyer?

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              • #22
                I asked the question and they said. All we can say is that she is no longer with the firm. Lovely!

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                • #23
                  She might have a non-compete agreement in place with the firm, so she can't call you and ask you to be her client, but you can call her and ask her to take on your case.

                  Still if she's still practicing she should appear on the provincial law society's listing of lawyers - there's a chance that she's updated her contact info. Also do you have a cell phone number for her? Some have their own cell, some use cells provided with the firm.

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                  • #24
                    If you want to find your old lawyer, go here:

                    The Law Society of Upper Canada

                    Or simply google them and see if they show up at another law firm.

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                    • #25
                      No luck locating her. Too bad I was with her for over a year.

                      Any thoughts on whether or not I should retain a new lawyer. They are giving me the senior lawyer at the firm, however they said "until further notice" which tells me they may change her again if she is too busy. I hear she is taking on many of my previous lawyers case, so when will she fit in my case??

                      Also, my previous lawyer was recommended and was not local. Maybe this is an opportunity to change lawyers to someone that local. That would mean starting over. What a pain, Not sure what to do??

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                      • #26
                        Your file should be transferrable to another firm. You should have a copy of everything that your lawyer has filed on your behalf. If it was a simple retirement, or moving to another city, you would have been told. So I'd still check for your lawyer over the next couple of weeks.

                        Until further notice means, that if they replace your lawyer with someone else, then the someone else would likely take over your case.

                        Yes, this would be a great opportunity to seek a lawyer local to your court.

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                        • #27
                          Just an update on this. I have been offered a junior lawyer at the firm and I hesitate. I am now looking for a local laywer and one with more experience. Now that I am currently in lawyer transition.

                          Can someone help or offer advice on this..

                          Decided to celebrate fathers day the past weekend as u know from this thread ex reneged on her approval. Kids made me a breakfast in bed was very nice and we did all the things that were planned for this weekend festivities. Next day kids go home to the ex. In tears because they are still upset about not seeing me on the actual day. My daughter said its a reminder to her that her life is so different from her friends. Spoke with my daughter calmed her down and all is well for now. Ex of course is pissed off says I am putting this emotional strain on the kids because I decided to celebrate the occasion the past weekend. The truth is it was my daughters idea because she said she was going to miss me. What was I suppose to do?. I think my ex realized at that moment that my kids have a strong relationship with me. This angered her and now not only does she want to pull fathers day she claims that she is rethinking my 15 day summer vacation with the kids! Are you kidding me! I knew our court case was going to bring up some bad blood but this is ridiculous.

                          I currently do not have a lawyer. But can someone tell me what i need to do at the court house to fix this? I have her email approval will they accept that? Can I enforce this viacation via an order?

                          Any suggestions are helpful. I think I am past writing formal notes to her. She is not a very reasonable person. I Have 2 mths before I leave for this trip. HELP!
                          Last edited by mcj2012; 06-16-2015, 11:11 PM.

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                          • #28
                            I think you may be having a jerk-shock reaction to everything. I could be right and I could be wrong - remember we are all nameless faces on the internet.

                            Step back and realize that there is much ADO about the "hallmark" celebrations of life - Father's Day, Mother's day, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. You have to put everything into perspective. These "days" were created for the single purpose of letting retail places make moolah money. A perfect example of this is our society which celebrates Christmas by people who have never walked into a church.

                            So my advice is to chill and let things settle for a bit. It is a good thing that you haven't had to make use of a lawyer yet.

                            BTW - the next "big" Hallmark celebration is Thanksgiving I believe so all you have to do is get through the Father's Day mania. Keep it all in perspective is my advice.

                            Divorce/Separation is a life-changing event that puts people at their very worst. Recognize this and perhaps cut your ex some slack and regroup and reorganize?
                            Last edited by arabian; 06-16-2015, 11:20 PM. Reason: additional thought

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                            • #29
                              I couldn't agree more on the commercial side of these occasions. Waste of money. I had already accepted thst she reneged my custody time on fathers day. I suppose I can wait a week and see if she truly means to sabatoge my vacation with the kids and see if she calms down. I would just hate for her to pull that custody time from me again at the 11th hour as my vacation has been paid.

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                              • #30
                                I guess at the end of the day I am getting tired of the "yes you can have the kids this day" then " change my mind I am pissed at you can't have them"

                                Can I get a court order on thse kinds of things?

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