I thought I'd provide an update since I've always found those threads really helpful on this board.
We had our first session with a jointly selected family therapist yesterday. It was 1.5hrs.
Prior to this we have had some really good conversations about our daughter (she's 2) and her eating- mainly us talking about what we observe about her behaviour, etc... and me giving him tips- e.g. she still hates biting things, but prefers to eat on her own. I've sent recipes and other safe foods she likes...so I thought things were getting better?
hoooo-boy was I wrong. Because the counselling session is closed- I guess it's a good thing because it allows us to say what we need to stay- and stbx did just that. Twice during the session the counsellor had to stop him and say "that sounds a lot like a threat- and it's not helpful". Once was in response to him saying "mark my words- mark it down. We're going to end up at the University Ave courthouse fighting this."
He was mad because my lawyer sent over a consent order for temporary child support stating that we would like it registered with FRO. And that barring an agreement on the support amount- and s7 expenses- we would be bringing a motion. This is after he sent her support payment (for dec 1) a week ago by e-transfer but wouldn't send the password. I'm not about to play these games. He wants me to ask for it. I asked on OFW and he was radio silence for a week.
Anyways back to counselling. Although I think the general idea is to move forward- she wanted to take us back- the two of us...to how we got here. The idea is to work on our communication. She wanted us to face the violence head on. Some good things came out of it- but unfortunately a lot of it was just him trying to justify his actions with respect to the domestic violence. He kept trying to qualify his violence- to the point where the counsellor actually said "when you own something- your actions or your words, and apologize- you don't say 'BUT'..." Then he launched in to how I was as abusive as well. To be fair- I have my own codependency issues which I continue to work on. I acknowledged that I said unkind things and was controlling. I have my own history and I have to deal with that.
Anyways- in the end I don't know that we got a lot accomplished. She told us to sit tight- stop trying to work out side deals (that was really directed to me)...and wait for the OCL disclosure. I was trying to wheel and deal my own deal- but that is dumb. I asked for the OCL to be involved for a reason- and I am going to have to sit on my hands and wait.
The only thing I am faced with now is whether to consent to his parenting time to be unsupervised. My gut says it's okay- but my lawyer, and basically everyone around me keeps yelling at me to wait for the OCL disclosure. And that's what I will do...It should be coming in January.
We had our first session with a jointly selected family therapist yesterday. It was 1.5hrs.
Prior to this we have had some really good conversations about our daughter (she's 2) and her eating- mainly us talking about what we observe about her behaviour, etc... and me giving him tips- e.g. she still hates biting things, but prefers to eat on her own. I've sent recipes and other safe foods she likes...so I thought things were getting better?
hoooo-boy was I wrong. Because the counselling session is closed- I guess it's a good thing because it allows us to say what we need to stay- and stbx did just that. Twice during the session the counsellor had to stop him and say "that sounds a lot like a threat- and it's not helpful". Once was in response to him saying "mark my words- mark it down. We're going to end up at the University Ave courthouse fighting this."
He was mad because my lawyer sent over a consent order for temporary child support stating that we would like it registered with FRO. And that barring an agreement on the support amount- and s7 expenses- we would be bringing a motion. This is after he sent her support payment (for dec 1) a week ago by e-transfer but wouldn't send the password. I'm not about to play these games. He wants me to ask for it. I asked on OFW and he was radio silence for a week.
Anyways back to counselling. Although I think the general idea is to move forward- she wanted to take us back- the two of us...to how we got here. The idea is to work on our communication. She wanted us to face the violence head on. Some good things came out of it- but unfortunately a lot of it was just him trying to justify his actions with respect to the domestic violence. He kept trying to qualify his violence- to the point where the counsellor actually said "when you own something- your actions or your words, and apologize- you don't say 'BUT'..." Then he launched in to how I was as abusive as well. To be fair- I have my own codependency issues which I continue to work on. I acknowledged that I said unkind things and was controlling. I have my own history and I have to deal with that.
Anyways- in the end I don't know that we got a lot accomplished. She told us to sit tight- stop trying to work out side deals (that was really directed to me)...and wait for the OCL disclosure. I was trying to wheel and deal my own deal- but that is dumb. I asked for the OCL to be involved for a reason- and I am going to have to sit on my hands and wait.
The only thing I am faced with now is whether to consent to his parenting time to be unsupervised. My gut says it's okay- but my lawyer, and basically everyone around me keeps yelling at me to wait for the OCL disclosure. And that's what I will do...It should be coming in January.
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