Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Phone Access..

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Phone Access..

    Phone Access

    I have read many articles like...
    http://markrotis.com/uploads/Managing_phone_calls.pdf

    I have been calling my kids every day at a time she picked, but 2 out of 3 days the calls are ignored. I leave a pleasant message to call back or let me know via email when an appropriate callback time would be.

    They are 5,4,3 and benefit I feel from even a brief 5 minute call (for all 3, not each).

    Even when she does allow them to answer, there is always something distracting them from the phone in the background.

    I have been at this for 3 months now, and it is becomming tired.

    Should I be keeping it up? I do record the calls (for the background noise/distractiions/her telling them its time to go to bed/etc), but does it matter?

    And what to do about it?

    I emailed her that article above tonight as well, in a nice way framed for the kids benefit, but it won't make a difference.

    Thanks.

  • #2
    It's hard to give any advice, I think you are doing right, she is doing wrong, and the article you posted is wise, and I agree she probably will ignore it.

    If she hasn't been putting actual effort into this so far, then I doubt she is going to start.

    There's no reason that the eldest can't answer the phone if your call is at the expected time (my 5 year old answers the phone just fine) like just before bed, jammies on, daddy is going to call. But in the end it ends up that your ex has to co-operate.

    The only thing I can really suggest is to try to talk to the kid's family doctor and get you and your ex in there and see if the doctor will mediate a bit. The ex won't be able to give a good reason for not co-operating.

    Regardless of custody, you do have a right to speak to the doctor any time.

    If your ex ever decides to co-operate, my kids and me have a lot more fun with web-cams than phones.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for replying mess, appreciated.

      I was wondering when you mention to have the family doctor (we all have the same still) mediate, by getting all of us there together, he might be able to explain to us (her, but i say us in order to not take sides) how allowing this contact is a good thing?

      And yes, i have access to the doctor. Should I express my concerns to him privately, get his take on it, and then ask if he would do the mediation, or at least try a bit?

      I tried the 'just before bed they call' but she was ADAMANT against that, as she has a new significant other that she is trying to replace me with to the kids. It took a court order to get them to stop calling him 'daddy newguy' causing them to call me the same - judge freaked on her. That is really what her resistance is all about, but I don't care, its about the kids to me. She has me call them just after dinner when they are busy playing/watching tv/running around/etc to minimize the contact, so I comply - and record the chaos.

      I am a computer network engineer, and for that reason she is anti-computer, doesn't let them near one at home, 'that is what daddy is for' - i kid you not, this was said. - i have tried to send them home with some learning programs i use here for them that they enjoy, but it was said they don't use a computer there. I imagine if I had left the programs, they would have gone the way of all the other stuffed animals/toys etc that I have sent home over time - without fail the kids have said 'can't find them' when I pick them up next time. I have questioned her a couple times, but get 'i will look for them' with nothing ever happening of coarse.

      This of coarse leaves a webcam out. :/

      As an aside, most towns have 'opportunity shops' where you can pick up second hand huge teddy bears, barbie dolls, toys, etc, all for around 2 dollars each. If your ex is like mine though, where she buys EVERYTHING new, sending them home with 6$ of toys (2$ each) every week will get a very negative reaction. Still though, the kids are in heaven when you go into these stores and tell them they can have any ONE toy, and my kids are worth 6$ of lost toys every 2 weeks. They will spend AN HOUR deciding, its so fun to watch them and discuss it all with them as they decide. The volunteers working the store are amazed at my patience with the 3 girls - a real confidence builder, and nice to hear sometimes.

      Also, are my efforts to record / document / etc worth it? Will it ever be able to be used or am I wasting my time? Is her non-cooperation a tactic that will work and how do I counter it? I just want to do whats right for the kids.

      Thanks again!

      Comment


      • #4
        It can be used if it gets to the point where you want a motion again. You have to decide when it gets there.

        Saying she doesn't believe in computers/web cams is like 60 years ago saying she doesn't believe in telephones.

        Comment


        • #5
          spA motion...then i will decide in 3 months. It seems that a lot of stuff will be piling up until then. At that point (as i mentined elsewhere) she will be moving and changing the status quo, and I will also have had a material change in circumstances in the meantime. Sounds like then would be appropriate.

          They do not have internet, I kid you not, she refuses. Blames it for a lot of our problems. I was self-employed and worked from home a lot (network engineer) and needed stretches at the computer to do my job uninterrupted every 15 minutes with things. Might sound unreasonable, but if anyones spouse called them (or more realistically dropped by with the kids) at their place of work every 15 minutes it would drive them nuts too i bet! When you work at home there has to be boundaries IMHO, but I was only half the opinion. Solution now? - no internet for her.

          Thanks mess.
          Last edited by dsldad; 03-10-2010, 09:07 AM. Reason: speeling

          Comment


          • #6
            Working from home is working from home, it doesn't matter if you are a network engineer or a lawyer or a graphic designer.

            I know plenty of people who work from home, also know a mom who works in an office studio and brings her baby in with her every day.

            The issue wasn't the internet, it was her not respecting you, your work, your boundaries and your contributions.

            And no one is perfect, maybe you didn't handle things properly either, but doesn't change how unreasonable she is being now, and now you aren't in the house to blame everything on. Turns out maybe she is just unreasonable.

            Comment


            • #7
              Keep recording things. That way when you do end up back in court you can just plunk down a huge pile of paperwork and overwhelm her. I did that in Small claims court once and just the look on the other party's face, knowing they had been beat was worth all the time I spent recording it.

              Plus, it may actually come in handy.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks Mess. And you are right, i was NOT perfect, and could/should have been a lot better. But - that is the past - i was depressed, i got over it, i grew up, changed. Still not perfect though dammit! I do take pride in the fact that I wanted to get councilling for the last 6 mths though - i knew there was problems, but she refused. Same with priest (she was catholic, i am not, but i was still willing). Self help does NOT work imho.

                Shoulda coulda woulda do not work in the present though, but some people are stuck in the past. I admit to that too, but TRYING to move forward for the kids, but getting mired in the dirt and it sucks.

                And thanks Billiechic, it is encouraging to hear it could be useful, helps keep me determined. Was your small claims court for access/custody issues or something entirely different? I just wonder if any of it will be read/used/believed/etc. Still have doubts.

                And it is really bad that even in cases where there is CLEARLY no abuse, both parents are decent people, love their kids, the kids love them, that one of them, USUALLY the man, has to FIGHT so damn hard just for a "50/50" split, and i HATE the FIGHT aspect, and HATE that kids are looked at as property to be assigned. Thy might do what they think 'is in their best interest" but it still comes out as property that is assigned, like giving a book to a librarian, a wrench to a mechanic - like property! The system sucks.

                Comment


                • #9
                  My small claims case was a landlord tenant issue. I was self-represented. I requested all documentation through Freedom of information related to my home from the management company. Spent probably a week worth of time going through it, organizing and building my case, with THEIR documentation.

                  I gave them back their stack of paperwork as evidence. They of course did not bother to go through it like I had, so could not argue against any of my points. I really put the lawyer in her place when we saw the judge. She couldn't respond to my line of questioning and was actually tongue tied. The effort alone was justified by watching a professional be stumped by a layperson.

                  In the end they settled the case rather than set a precedent in court. (it would have been the first case to recognize a rental contract encompassing both house rental and agricultural land rental as valid under the Landlord Tenant Act).

                  The cases might not be the same, but the steps to success are. Trust me.

                  Comment

                  Our Divorce Forums
                  Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                  Working...
                  X