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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 06-13-2011, 02:09 PM
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mama2bee mama2bee is offline
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Default Abandonment

This is more me looking for other parents opinions rather than real 'facts'.

My daughters father and I are slowly going through the papers for custody. He wants nothing to do with her most days and will txt my phone occasionally asking how she is doing. I know some on here know a bit of my story but let me add on to that.

I have an almost 6 month old daughter with extreme medical problems. She has a very rare kidney disease that has her hospitalized almost since birth. I have been staying with her since. We are three hours away from home and live day to day as her health issues are complicated. I am pushing for sole custody because we are constantly in situations where I need to make important medical decisions in a hurry. Since her father has never been involved with her I don't want to get caught in a situation where we are down to a life or death choice (as we have been already multiple times) and because joint custody is default at birth I end up stuck wasting time to get her fathers 'consent' for something. Luckily the decisions I've had to make so far I haven't run into needing his consent but I know that there could be that problem and don't want to run into it.

Her father is very immature in his actions. Yes I hold anger towards him for not even attempting to know his daughter but that anger doesn't rule any of my decisions towards custody or communication. I always keep my daughters best interest in mind on those rare times when he and I communicate. He was all on board wanting to know her, spend time with her and that sort of thing then honestly it was not 2 hours later he messages me to tell me he wants nothing to do with her. I am very frustrated because he ALWAYS does this. He also won't speak to me 3/4 of the time unless it is through txt messages.

He is not contesting anything regarding custody, only issue he has is with child support... which I am not even taking him for right now. He isn't working and because of my situation I am far from able to work or bring in an income right now. I can't take him for money he doesn't even have but the majority of communication we do have is him asking me and then re asking if I am still not filling for support yet. That is where his concerns are, money not our daughter.

I have a pretty good idea once I back off after custody is settled that he will disappear all together. I wish for my daughters sake he could step up and at least try to be a father but judging by his actions I know he won't. Up until now I have kept the communication lines open, out of some sort of sense of right and wrong I have tried my damnedest to keep him somewhat in the loop. But for what? He doesn't care, and has told me on numerous times he really doesn't want to know but is driven out of feeling guilty. I am at a loss as what to do from here, I am tired of doing all the parenting so that he can sit on the side lines living his life completely separate from ours expecting me to just give him updates. Which he will expect me to keep doing,

Should I? I mean if he can't even take the couple minutes a day to see how she is doing why should I keep bending over backwards to try? I mean yes he is her 'father' but he isn't acting like it, never has. He is more just a sperm donor with a sense of guilt at this point. Why should I keep making this effort if it does no good? Serves no purpose?

on a side note, he has only seen her once and that was by total accident. He says he wants to see her but makes no effort. At one point he was very convincing that he was wanting to and I offered to help with travel expenses... he messaged 20min later telling me that he didn't WANT to come not that he couldn't.

I'd just like some others opinions, because right now I just want out of this communication rut where I am doing all the work.
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