Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

12th birthday problems

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • 12th birthday problems

    I have yet another question...

    My son is turning 12 next weekend. My daughter also has a cheerleading competition the same day at wonderland. We live about 45 minutes from Wonderland. I sent my ex an email at the beginning of the month with details of the comp, the form for discounted tickets ($34) and asked if she is planning on attending so I can plan the birthday and she hasn't answered.

    The court order states that the kids will be allowed to participate in all events associated with extra curricular activities, my ex is entitled to 4 hours access to my son on his birthday and I will inform her a week prior about birthday dinner reservations so she may attend.

    My son of course wants to spend the day at wonderland since we will be there anyways. He wants to eat dinner at the buffet there (a treat as we have never eaten there) and really doesn't want to have to leave with his mom. He is turning 12. His mom has told him she won't be coming but has not told me yet.

    So my question is, she is entitled to the time but will anything happen if he refused to leave? (He has told me that's his plan), will I look unreasonable if I offered for him to stay the Friday night and pick him up Saturday morning before we leave? Or if I told her she had to pick him up and he refused to go? I mean I can't help that our daughters comp falls on his birthday.

  • #2
    Originally posted by freckles1234 View Post
    I have yet another question...

    My son is turning 12 next weekend. My daughter also has a cheerleading competition the same day at wonderland. We live about 45 minutes from Wonderland. I sent my ex an email at the beginning of the month with details of the comp, the form for discounted tickets ($34) and asked if she is planning on attending so I can plan the birthday and she hasn't answered.

    The court order states that the kids will be allowed to participate in all events associated with extra curricular activities, my ex is entitled to 4 hours access to my son on his birthday and I will inform her a week prior about birthday dinner reservations so she may attend.

    My son of course wants to spend the day at wonderland since we will be there anyways. He wants to eat dinner at the buffet there (a treat as we have never eaten there) and really doesn't want to have to leave with his mom. He is turning 12. His mom has told him she won't be coming but has not told me yet.

    So my question is, she is entitled to the time but will anything happen if he refused to leave? (He has told me that's his plan), will I look unreasonable if I offered for him to stay the Friday night and pick him up Saturday morning before we leave? Or if I told her she had to pick him up and he refused to go? I mean I can't help that our daughters comp falls on his birthday.


    I have an 11 year old and when it comes to stuff related to what he wants or does not want to do, I encourage him to figure it out with his father and I don't play mediator. Last weekend he had his best buds bday party and wanted to arrive late to his grandfather's 60th birthday (paternal). He made the arrangements with his father and then asked me to pick him up from the party and drop him off at his dad's, 30 mins after party started. The negotiation would occur in intact families and it allows for healthy communication between child-parent, gets them to solution solve and own the relationship. I would recommend that s12 talk to mom and tell her his desires and figure out a way that they can carve out some time to celebrate. You seem accommodating so give your son some options that will help him mom/son collaborate.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by len14 View Post
      I have an 11 year old and when it comes to stuff related to what he wants or does not want to do, I encourage him to figure it out with his father and I don't play mediator. Last weekend he had his best buds bday party and wanted to arrive late to his grandfather's 60th birthday (paternal). He made the arrangements with his father and then asked me to pick him up from the party and drop him off at his dad's, 30 mins after party started. The negotiation would occur in intact families and it allows for healthy communication between child-parent, gets them to solution solve and own the relationship. I would recommend that s12 talk to mom and tell her his desires and figure out a way that they can carve out some time to celebrate. You seem accommodating so give your son some options that will help him mom/son collaborate.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
      That would be ideal however that just wouldn't work. Unfortunately his mom feels that her time is her time and she can make them do whatever she wants. She is all about power and control. I would love for my son to be able to talk to her but he said when he tried, she said nope the court order says I get my time and that's that and then grounded him. This is very typical.

      Comment


      • #4
        I would ask the ex that, in order to prevent interruption during the day for the child, that she see him another day. Offer extra time, like an extra hour or so. And that you will ensure the child calls early in the evening so they can chat.

        If she doesn't respond, just go and enjoy the day. If she doesn't agree, well then you have to negotiate. I would keep the child out of it, and deal with the ex yourself.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by freckles1234 View Post
          That would be ideal however that just wouldn't work. Unfortunately his mom feels that her time is her time and she can make them do whatever she wants. She is all about power and control. I would love for my son to be able to talk to her but he said when he tried, she said nope the court order says I get my time and that's that and then grounded him. This is very typical.

          Tough situation. Her thoughtlessness to your sons reasonable request ON HIS BIRTHDAY will drive him away. What is the worst that can happen if son doesn't want to go with her? Would she make a scene at a public venue? Will she file a contempt order? If she files contempt, your son is old enough to invoke the Office of the Children's Lawyer and review his custody in court. Since she follows the letter of a court order, she won't be overly shocked when your son does the same to her.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by len14 View Post
            Tough situation. Her thoughtlessness to your sons reasonable request ON HIS BIRTHDAY will drive him away. What is the worst that can happen if son doesn't want to go with her? Would she make a scene at a public venue? Will she file a contempt order? If she files contempt, your son is old enough to invoke the Office of the Children's Lawyer and review his custody in court. Since she follows the letter of a court order, she won't be overly shocked when your son does the same to her.

            Ahh thats the thing, she follows the court order when it is working for her, then does what she pleases when it doesn't. It is a very sad situation however I will not force my son. Will she cry contempt, probably but oh well.


            Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
            I would ask the ex that, in order to prevent interruption during the day for the child, that she see him another day. Offer extra time, like an extra hour or so. And that you will ensure the child calls early in the evening so they can chat.

            If she doesn't respond, just go and enjoy the day. If she doesn't agree, well then you have to negotiate. I would keep the child out of it, and deal with the ex yourself.
            I have offered a sleep over the night before so he can wake up at her house on his birthday and I would pick him up around 10am. I have also offered her the entire Sunday with him. I still have not gotten an answer so really at this point, I am just going to give her those options. I did send her an email in the beginning of May requesting whether or not she is attending to try to work with her to schedule the birthday but she didn't respond so really its her loss.

            Comment

            Our Divorce Forums
            Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
            Working...
            X