First, I would like to say hello. I am new here, and was referred by a friend, after explaining my situation.
Details......have been separated since November 2011....two children, but only one is a product of the marriage. My boys are now almost 10(the child in question) and almost 17. After separating, youngest was with me full time, seeing his father 2 or 3 weekends a month and any other time he requested that I could accommodate.
In May of 2012, my ex and I decided to go through mediation to do a separation agreement, as I did not have the money to go to court and fight him(I had recently had surgery, almost lost my leg, wasn't working as a result of the surgery). He paid my half of the mediation out of the money he was going to have to give me for the buyout for the house. I was agreeable to the shared/joint custody, but against the 50/50 time split as my son(then 8) did not want to be at his dad's two weeks out of the month. I agreed to it, thinking that if it didn't work, he would be amicable to change the agreement for our son's sake.
50/50 shared time began in July of 2012. A week about, with Mondays being the day he returns to the other parent. Our son immediately did not like it, but I made him go. Knowing that it really is best for him to spend equal time with both of his parents, I thought he may need a period of adjustment. He would cry every time he had to go to his dads....etc etc etc.
fast forward to now.....both my ex and I have new partners in our lives, and cohabitate with those significant others. We live about a 10 minute walk from each other, to keep schooling easy for our son. For about the past yr, our son has stated every single time he has to go back to his dads......"mom, do I have to go, I hate it there. He states that my ex's gf is not nice to him, treats him differently than her own children. Gives him chores that are inappropriate for a nine year old, and punishments that most would find harsh.
They fight a lot and scream at each other, and call names in front of the our son. She puts down my parenting skills in the presence of our son. Has yelled at me in front of our son, and has physically assaulted me(tried to push me off the porch while I was getting my son). My ex tells my son he has to like her(son hates her).
When he gets in trouble there, and comes to my house and tells, if I deem something inappropriate has occurred, I ask his dad about it, my son then gets in trouble the following week he goes to their house. I have since stopped saying anything to his dad, as I don't want our son to feel that I can't keep his confidence. I bought my son a cell phone, so I could communicate with him without bothering the ex or his gf.
When he would go there, they would take it away from him, keep it on the counter, and limit his time(either texting, or talking). Finally I cancelled the phone, and his dad complained. I have listened to all of the complaints, and told our son that he needed to tell his dad he didn't want to do the 50/50 anymore. He has told his dad on numerous occasions, his dad doesn't seem to care.
He really doesn't want to be there to the point that, a few months ago.....he told his before school care provider that when he goes to his dads, his dad hits him, I called police and cas, and got no help. There turned out to be no validity to his claim, and CAS dropped the case but did find that the parenting at his dads was at times military like and unnecessarily harsh.
He really doesn't want to go, what do I do, can he make up his own mind. If I call a lawyer and start proceedings to change the agreement, will what my son wants be taken into account. Or is he still too young
There is so much more to this story also, but fear I have already written too much.
Please help
Details......have been separated since November 2011....two children, but only one is a product of the marriage. My boys are now almost 10(the child in question) and almost 17. After separating, youngest was with me full time, seeing his father 2 or 3 weekends a month and any other time he requested that I could accommodate.
In May of 2012, my ex and I decided to go through mediation to do a separation agreement, as I did not have the money to go to court and fight him(I had recently had surgery, almost lost my leg, wasn't working as a result of the surgery). He paid my half of the mediation out of the money he was going to have to give me for the buyout for the house. I was agreeable to the shared/joint custody, but against the 50/50 time split as my son(then 8) did not want to be at his dad's two weeks out of the month. I agreed to it, thinking that if it didn't work, he would be amicable to change the agreement for our son's sake.
50/50 shared time began in July of 2012. A week about, with Mondays being the day he returns to the other parent. Our son immediately did not like it, but I made him go. Knowing that it really is best for him to spend equal time with both of his parents, I thought he may need a period of adjustment. He would cry every time he had to go to his dads....etc etc etc.
fast forward to now.....both my ex and I have new partners in our lives, and cohabitate with those significant others. We live about a 10 minute walk from each other, to keep schooling easy for our son. For about the past yr, our son has stated every single time he has to go back to his dads......"mom, do I have to go, I hate it there. He states that my ex's gf is not nice to him, treats him differently than her own children. Gives him chores that are inappropriate for a nine year old, and punishments that most would find harsh.
They fight a lot and scream at each other, and call names in front of the our son. She puts down my parenting skills in the presence of our son. Has yelled at me in front of our son, and has physically assaulted me(tried to push me off the porch while I was getting my son). My ex tells my son he has to like her(son hates her).
When he gets in trouble there, and comes to my house and tells, if I deem something inappropriate has occurred, I ask his dad about it, my son then gets in trouble the following week he goes to their house. I have since stopped saying anything to his dad, as I don't want our son to feel that I can't keep his confidence. I bought my son a cell phone, so I could communicate with him without bothering the ex or his gf.
When he would go there, they would take it away from him, keep it on the counter, and limit his time(either texting, or talking). Finally I cancelled the phone, and his dad complained. I have listened to all of the complaints, and told our son that he needed to tell his dad he didn't want to do the 50/50 anymore. He has told his dad on numerous occasions, his dad doesn't seem to care.
He really doesn't want to be there to the point that, a few months ago.....he told his before school care provider that when he goes to his dads, his dad hits him, I called police and cas, and got no help. There turned out to be no validity to his claim, and CAS dropped the case but did find that the parenting at his dads was at times military like and unnecessarily harsh.
He really doesn't want to go, what do I do, can he make up his own mind. If I call a lawyer and start proceedings to change the agreement, will what my son wants be taken into account. Or is he still too young
There is so much more to this story also, but fear I have already written too much.
Please help
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