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  • #16
    Sorry to hear you deal with this but your not alone, 10 years and counting. if your still on this site would love to chat more.

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    • #17
      Janibel it's hard. VERY hard. And so many things with parenting are intertwined and overlap.

      For instance: How do you go to a kid's function or even do a transition with kids if mom is engaging with you? I recall one time we were at a McDonald's to do exchange (police had to encourage her to meet at McD's since she refused to come home from her trailer over an hour away for dad's access...) and she is yelling across the parking lot at us about how happy she was about our new baby. In fact, she was "SO excited". People may say don't be there (to me the step mom) or to do exchanges at school but we all know that it's not always possible for step mom not to be in the car (and it doesn't change the fact that I was pregnant and she was SO excited...) and exchanges can only be done at school if she agrees or we have an Order that states so. For the record we had to go to court to gain that privilege.

      On another occasion we are in the van and waiting for the children at her home. We have to wait because they get off the school bus there as mom refuses to let them take school bus to our house. Fine (well its not fine but it is the way it is). And kids must go in and she does whatever she does for ten to fifteen minutes (or more) and we just wait. We have other children and they are in car waiting patiently. So far so good (well almost good but the waiting sucks, btw we do this 3 times every week at this point).

      And my teenager child starts yelling "mom, mom, she is taking our picture!" and I can see mom at the window and she is indeed taking our picture. I'm not surprised to be honest but I can understand my teen child not liking this and reacting the way she does. I tell her to hush, the kids shouldn't be exposed to this. NONE of the kids should be exposed to this. Not mine, not ours, not theirs.

      Anyhow the kids finally come out. And again more pictures are being taken. I'm buckling the younger child into a car seat. And my teen says again "mom she is taking our pictures again". And mom's kids start defending their mother and saying "I don't think she would do that" all the while the flash is going off. I also understand why they don't want to admit she is standing there taking out pictures. Its also very confusing.

      And I ask my teen to hush again. And my teen won't. My teen is upset that this person is clicking pictures of us and again willfully disrupting our peace. I start to cry. I just sob as I am powerless to change the situation. And I'm sad that all the kids have to see this.

      Mom admitted in requests to admit she took our pictures. Still not sure why. Nor do I really care. But it's all this kind of crap that wears a family down.

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      • #18
        But it's all this kind of crap that wears a family down.
        Yup. You nailed it Serene. It is emotionally exhausting and mentally frustrating. You really cant live a normal life after situations like this.

        I am the opposite of the issues brought here. My ex decided recently that I don't need to know anything anymore about our child. lol Now with some advice I am scrambling calling doctors to see if there are any appointments (which there are). More resistance with access, blah blah blah. At this point all I can do is fight for our child. If I win I win, If I lose then I lose (unless there are other avenues to use.)

        In the end we are here because of our exs. Thank You. thank you EX.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Serene View Post

          And I ask my teen to hush again. And my teen won't. My teen is upset that this person is clicking pictures of us and again willfully disrupting our peace. I start to cry. I just sob as I am powerless to change the situation. And I'm sad that all the kids have to see this.

          Mom admitted in requests to admit she took our pictures. Still not sure why. Nor do I really care. But it's all this kind of crap that wears a family down.
          It's mind-boggling how one EX can disrupt the lives of so many?

          Taking the high-road and ignoring the EX's bad behavior is probably the most sensible thing to do though it can be soul-crushing to deal with that on a daily basis.

          There comes a point where enough is enough, after years of doing my best to raise (just one kidlet) amist the choas of a mentally ill spouse, I had had enough and took the leap of faith.

          It ended very badly - but it did end ... I still remember those years when my son was young. Pretending that all was well, trying very hard to replace the negativity with some quality time - giving him some sense of 'normal'. Over-compensating by being super-Mom ...

          Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for being a true parent, for wanting to shelter your kids and protect them from selfish EX,s - yes it is VERY HARD.

          You may feel powerless for now, but soon enough the kids will have a choice in the matter - and there will be peace, FINALLY

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          • #20
            Janibel I often wonder if we are doing the right thing. I stand corrected as I have spoken to the mom once during an exchange. Kids were in our vehicle. It was father's day. She walked them to the car despite being 5 and 11 and capable of walking the 20 feet to the car from her home. They were also an hour late returning from their trailer and we had an entire farm stood down to celebrate the little one's birthday - the little one who wasn't even there because mom decided to be late because it was father's day no doubt.

            Anyhow when dad got kids buckled in car mom opened rear doors of our car. She kissed and hugged the kids (they would be out of her care for about 6 hours for dad's access). And then proceeded to engage in conversation with them. Then she insisted the littlest one have a drink for the 6 minute car ride to our home and she was going to fetch one for him. And I said "this is disgusting, we need to go. We are over an hour late for our celebrations. Your son missed his own birthday cake". And I regretted it instantly. I didn't yell it. I didn't spit it. I calmly said it. And I still regretted it. She then began to yell "yes you are disgusting" and there was nothing we could do as she still had her dang head in the back seat of the car lol but listen to her rant.

            That was the first and last time I ever spoke to her outside of court when I was engaged into conversing as they needed the appropriate wording for the Order.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Serene View Post
              She then began to yell "yes you are disgusting" and there was nothing we could do as she still had her dang head in the back seat of the car lol but listen to her rant.

              That was the first and last time I ever spoke to her outside of court when I was engaged into conversing as they needed the appropriate wording for the Order.
              Reading that part I was having evil thoughts lol ... (foot on gas peddle - pressing down ..... VROOM!

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              • #22
                Hind sight it always 20/20 huh? Lol

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                • #23
                  Or backing up would have been even better. As you don't want her hanging on the back!

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                  • #24
                    That sounds like a bad situation. Sorry to hear about all that.

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                    • #25
                      My ex was like this , I tried not to talk on the phone or discuss things with her I preferred using email. Of course then i was told I am anti social etc etc . In my mind I figured it was best to communicate by email as there would then be a paper trail.

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                      • #26
                        Yep. Bipolar becoming quite the blanket term now-a-days, just as ADHD and ADD. The symptom clusters in the DSM are definitely there for a reason.

                        Having said that, chemicals in the brain sure are going crazy during divorce. Low seratonin, increased cortisol .. epinephrine imbalanced I'm sure.

                        You ex is trying to engage you. I'm going through the same thing. Mine claims she doesn't have internet yet answers my last e-mail with 4 minutes of me sending it to her.

                        Just keep doing what your doing. She's got her shovel out. If digging is her thing .. let her dig.

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