biodad still pathetic

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

You people may not be aware of what its like to parent an autistic child. Let me tell you, it's not important what toys you buy them, or new clothes, or anything material. They just want to spend TIME with you. They want to try to communicate with you in their own way and all the parent has to do is be interested in their funny attempts to communicate. They want to burp and fart, and laugh about it.

What sends the kid into a tantrum is if you ignore the child. That's the secret. Be involved in their lives. It takes its toll in the sense that you don't have 30 minutes to take a nap, or read a book because the kid's in your space. I would like to believe that it's not that hard for Biodad, who hasn't seen his kid in 4 weeks to spend a couple of days doing father/child stuff. I've done it when Mom has to go away for a weekend. And while I'm bonding with this kid who loves the attention I give them, I'm thinking about Biodad like wtf.... why is this such a 'chore' for him?

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

not excusing bio-dads behaviour but it is much easier to handle a non autistic child vs an autistic one. We are only hearing one side of the story from someone who is obviously very biased.

Apparently the bio mom has a very hard time with it also because at one time she wanted to wanted to give up also but the OP talked her out of it because HE wasn't ready to give up. So does that make the biomom a bad parent then also? What mother would want to give up one of her kids? That is with the support and resources she has.

The op comes off as controlling with a huge chip on his shoulder. He is right and everyone else is wrong.

Have it ever crossed your mind that maybe she felt like wanting to give up because she has the child FULL time while Biodad gets 2 days a month! Do you not understand how that would wear on a person

And if you read the post in full, she was ready to give up because the resources which she thought were going to be there for her and help her out told her that the kid was not welcome in 2 or 3 programs because of the aggression issues surrounding other children.

Biodad has no such worry, the child is with him and happy to be with him on those 2 days. Mom meanwhile has to go to work, so when daycare or camp calls and says your kid is not welcome. What can she do? She has to go looking for another program. These programs cost an arm and a leg if not funded by gov't. Waiting lists are sometimes years long. Instead she would have to hire sitters and nannies. Not cheap. She can claim tax credits on some of it but it would really help out if Biodad wasn't 5 digits in arrears with FRO and not contributing to ANY section 7 expenses since separation.

All I gotta say is thank God Mom has a good job. And thank God she found me.

j/k

[stripes]

If I recall for earlier posts, kid #2 is autistic and nonverbal, with aggression issues. Bio mom had trouble handling him, but she now has the OP to help tag-team. Bio dad doesn't have a tag-team partner, so I understand why he's reluctant to take on kid #2 by himself, esp. taking the kid out of the country to Paradise Island, wherever that is. Speaking for myself, I wouldn't do it without a lot of backup.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like bio dad is aware of his limitations. This is *much* better than bio dad trying to be a superhero and manage solo with both boys, risking all kinds of disasters, even though form the outside it looks unfair to kid#2.

It sounds like the OP has a good relationship with kid #2. He should be concentrating on building up that relationship, making sure kid#2 has some positive adult male attention, and not obsessing on everything that bio dad is doing wrong, in his eyes. Kid #2 is going to need all the adult attention he can get, and if the OP is devoting lots of time and effort to hating on bio dad, that's not going to help the kid.

If bio dad is in arrears financially, take legal measures to get him to pay up. Beyond that, stay focused on the kids.

[blinkandimgone]

100% agreed.

More excuses from the peanut gallery.

Mom's fault for not volunteering to help Dad parent his own child on his weekends.

Thank you for your contribution to the thread.

Excuses? How's that?

Blink...if you have been reading the post of the OP. Mom was doing it alone before she met OP.

Funny how, step-parents are told to butt it’s not your child, none if your bees wax but hey in this case it ok for bi-dad to take advantage of someone else’s taking care of his kid!

Can we be adults here and stop saying poor, poor bi-dad....where there is a will there is a way and bi-dad is not willing to do so for HIS child that is pathetic.

We tell dads wanting 50/50 to be in their kids lives...but with this dad we are excusing his behaviour!

I never said anything about 'poor Dad', nor made any excusers for anything. It was a very simple pointing out of the hypocrisy in the OP's post. That and the constant, purposely disparaging Dad by referencing him as 'bio-dad' rather than 'Dad', which he is. The child has one dad, the OP isn't it, and is simply continuously using the reference to disparage Dad.

Incredible isn't it???

Yes Mom was doing it all while maintaining a high stress job and dealing with family illness.

Honestly I think some people are simply offended with my username and just want to argue with me. Knowing full well it I will take their troll bait

It's all good. I'm not trying to put myself UP as a great Dad as much as I'm totally disgusted by biodad's parenting style. He's got money to care for his kid, he just doesn't have the TIME for it.

I coulda care less about your username, aside from the fact that it gives other people a very good idea of who you are and what you're about when reading your posts.

not excusing bio-dads behaviour but it is much easier to handle a non autistic child vs an autistic one. We are only hearing one side of the story from someone who is obviously very biased.

Apparently the bio mom has a very hard time with it also because at one time she wanted to wanted to give up also but the OP talked her out of it because HE wasn't ready to give up. So does that make the biomom a bad parent then also? What mother would want to give up one of her kids? That is with the support and resources she has.

The op comes off as controlling with a huge chip on his shoulder. He is right and everyone else is wrong.

100% agree with SOTS on this. All we hear is the OP's side of the story, and all the OP hears is Mom's side of the story. I would love to hear from Dad, himself. Things are rarely as they seem when presented from a singular perspective.

Good thing there are forums like this to offer additional perspectives to those that so clearly need it.

You people may not be aware of what its like to parent an autistic child. Let me tell you, it's not important what toys you buy them, or new clothes, or anything material. They just want to spend TIME with you. They want to try to communicate with you in their own way and all the parent has to do is be interested in their funny attempts to communicate. They want to burp and fart, and laugh about it.

What sends the kid into a tantrum is if you ignore the child. That's the secret. Be involved in their lives. It takes its toll in the sense that you don't have 30 minutes to take a nap, or read a book because the kid's in your space. I would like to believe that it's not that hard for Biodad, who hasn't seen his kid in 4 weeks to spend a couple of days doing father/child stuff. I've done it when Mom has to go away for a weekend. And while I'm bonding with this kid who loves the attention I give them, I'm thinking about Biodad like wtf.... why is this such a 'chore' for him?

Yeah...what it seems YOU don't realize, is that this particular desire isn't specific to autistic kids. Every kid want this, not just autistic kids. There is no secret. So you think you're super-"dad" because you've done it on the occasional weekend? So do babysitters, essentially what you are to the kid when mom isn't around.

Have it ever crossed your mind that maybe she felt like wanting to give up because she has the child FULL time while Biodad gets 2 days a month! Do you not understand how that would wear on a person

Mom seriously should have considered this when deciding to HAVE children. There are ZERO guarantees in life, she could have ended up a single mother if her spouse had died of a heart attack or cancer. If she hasn't considered what she'll do parenting 100% on her own if something happens to him, she seriously should - EVERY parent should.

And if you read the post in full, she was ready to give up because the resources which she thought were going to be there for her and help her out told her that the kid was not welcome in 2 or 3 programs because of the aggression issues surrounding other children.

Biodad has no such worry, the child is with him and happy to be with him on those 2 days. Mom meanwhile has to go to work, so when daycare or camp calls and says your kid is not welcome. What can she do? She has to go looking for another program. These programs cost an arm and a leg if not funded by gov't. Waiting lists are sometimes years long. Instead she would have to hire sitters and nannies. Not cheap. She can claim tax credits on some of it but it would really help out if Biodad wasn't 5 digits in arrears with FRO and not contributing to ANY section 7 expenses since separation.

All I gotta say is thank God Mom has a good job. And thank God she found me.

j/k

Do you ever consider how your behaviour, attitude and constant disparaging of Dad and his parenting skills contribute to the issues?

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

1- Bio mom had trouble handling him,

2- I understand why he's reluctant to take on kid #2 by himself,

3- Reading between the lines, it sounds like bio dad is aware of his limitations. This is *much* better than bio dad trying to be a superhero and manage solo with both boys, risking all kinds of disasters,

1- No, the support services in this country have trouble with the child because they rather be safe than sued; hence why Mom has to leave work early when support services call her to come get your child b/c of a sneeze or rosey cheeks.

2- Suck it up Princess. He created the child.

3- Hahahaha. HaHaHaHahaHaHa wait, I'm not done...


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

Excuses? How's that?



I never said anything about 'poor Dad', nor made any excusers for anything. It was a very simple pointing out of the hypocrisy in the OP's post. That and the constant, purposely disparaging Dad by referencing him as 'bio-dad' rather than 'Dad', which he is. The child has one dad, the OP isn't it, and is simply continuously using the reference to disparage Dad.



I coulda care less about your username, aside from the fact that it gives other people a very good idea of who you are and what you're about when reading your posts.



100% agree with SOTS on this. All we hear is the OP's side of the story, and all the OP hears is Mom's side of the story. I would love to hear from Dad, himself. Things are rarely as they seem when presented from a singular perspective.

Good thing there are forums like this to offer additional perspectives to those that so clearly need it.



Yeah...what it seems YOU don't realize, is that this particular desire isn't specific to autistic kids. Every kid want this, not just autistic kids. There is no secret. So you think you're super-"dad" because you've done it on the occasional weekend? So do babysitters, essentially what you are to the kid when mom isn't around.



Mom seriously should have considered this when deciding to HAVE children. There are ZERO guarantees in life, she could have ended up a single mother if her spouse had died of a heart attack or cancer. If she hasn't considered what she'll do parenting 100% on her own if something happens to him, she seriously should - EVERY parent should.



Do you ever consider how your behaviour, attitude and constant disparaging of Dad and his parenting skills contribute to the issues?

Blink, you're on my ignore list. Got it?

Bye.

[Berner_Faith]

1- No, the support services in this country have trouble with the child because they rather be safe than sued; hence why Mom has to leave work early when support services call her to come get your child b/c of a sneeze or rosey cheeks.

2- Suck it up Princess. He created the child.

3- Hahahaha. HaHaHaHahaHaHa wait, I'm not done...


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

So in your opinion, it is better for Dad to take both children and risk the child getting hurt because he can't handle it, than knowing his limitations and not taking the child on long trips.

I don't think what Dad is doing it correct. But one thing NCP know is how hard it can be to get access to information regarding their own children from medical professionals. For all we know, Dad has attempted to gain the resources available that Mom has, but simply cannot do so being a NCP.

Op- why don't you sent this forum to Dad and tell him to join? We could all help him with ways he could improve his parenting abilities and what he needs to do to ensure he has all the available resources. That would be a huge benefit to the children in which you love so much!

[blinkandimgone]

Blink, you're on my ignore list. Got it?

Bye.

Yup, typical reaction of a high conflict narcissistic personality when anyone disagrees with them. You clearly aren't able to address the comments and differing perspective in a mature, reasonable and rational manner. It explains a lot about *why* your - or should I say: your partner's - situation is as volatile as it is.

God forbid you should be forced to consider any opinion other than your own.

Edit - Got it - enjoy that ignore feature!

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

So in your opinion, it is better for Dad to take both children and risk the child getting hurt because he can't handle it, than knowing his limitations and not taking the child on long trips.

I don't think what Dad is doing it correct. But one thing NCP know is how hard it can be to get access to information regarding their own children from medical professionals. For all we know, Dad has attempted to gain the resources available that Mom has, but simply cannot do so being a NCP.

Op- why don't you sent this forum to Dad and tell him to join? We could all help him with ways he could improve his parenting abilities and what he needs to do to ensure he has all the available resources. That would be a huge benefit to the children in which you love so much!

Here's my rating system:

Dads who murder their children, 0
Dads who rape their children, 1
Dads who beat their children, 2
Dads who abandon their children, 3
Dads who dont support their children time/$$$ when they can, 4
Dads who are in and out of their children's lives 5,
Dads who have good intentions but dont apply themselves, 6
Dads who support $$$ to their children but not time, 7
Dads who spend time and money on their children, 8
Dads who go above and beyond for their children, 9
Dads whose children mean the world to them, 10

BioDad is about 3.5 on my scale. After all I've written about the situation, anyone who defends him shows me that they're at the same level as him in my eyes. Which enrages me.

I give myself an 8 working towards a 9. And these are not my kids.

Mom is 9.9

[arabian]

Many times when I've been on vacation (in the good old days ha ha) I had occasion to see people with children with developmental disabilities. Most of the time the parent(s) are accompanied by an aid. I'm sure it is costly but that way all the children get to holiday together.

I agree with a previous poster who said the mother has agreed to the trip to paradise island but should be firm that the other child be treated in terms of special time away with the father.

It would be a very interesting case in court. Of course "the best interests of the child(ren)" would be of the utmost importance.

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

It's always the same clueless posters who rush to defend BIODAD, posters who know nothing and try to infer on the situation based on what adjective I use, what tone my sentence is in, just back the f off already.

Clue: When you know absolutely nothing but a few biased talking points about a situation, this is how to phrase a post so it doesn't come off looking like a troll post:


Has Biodad ever indicated that he needs support and/or resources with parenting? Has he indicated that he is having difficulty with his youngest child? Has the older child mentioned anything that would indicate Biodad needs help? Because we would be the first to offer such help if he did.


As opposed to,


Well if it takes two of you to raise the kid, TAG TEAM, how do you expect Biodad to do it on his own? He is doing the right thing taking one kid, because two would be too much to handle. Poor guy lacks resources.

[stripes]

1- No, the support services in this country have trouble with the child because they rather be safe than sued; hence why Mom has to leave work early when support services call her to come get your child b/c of a sneeze or rosey cheeks.

2- Suck it up Princess. He created the child.

3- Hahahaha. HaHaHaHahaHaHa wait, I'm not done...


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

If this is an example of your normal interactive style when dealing with this kid and his issues, your family has some pretty serious problems on top of the challenges of raising a special-needs kid. I was polite and responded seriously to your message (as did other posters); your responses are belligerent, sarcastic and ranting.

You come across as being absolutely fascinated with Dad. Your messages are all about him and how much better a (step)father you are than he is. The kids and their lives are almost invisible here. If you really want the best for your stepkids, you need to get over your fixation on their father and get over your own hero/saviour complex.

Good luck with that. I'm done here.

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

If this is an example of your normal interactive style when dealing with this kid and his issues, your family has some pretty serious problems on top of the challenges of raising a special-needs kid. I was polite and responded seriously to your message (as did other posters); your responses are belligerent, sarcastic and ranting.

You come across as being absolutely fascinated with Dad. Your messages are all about him and how much better a (step)father you are than he is. The kids and their lives are almost invisible here. If you really want the best for your stepkids, you need to get over your fixation on their father and get over your own hero/saviour complex.

Good luck with that. I'm done here.

Wrong as usual. Maybe you'll stay away next time? I can only hope.

[blinkandimgone]

Back off? Or...what, pray tell?

It's a public forum, you don't get to dictate who posts in what threads or dictate others' opinions. If that bothers you, perhaps public forums are not the right place for you.

That being said, please familiarize yourself with the forum rules, pinned at the top of each page.

[blinkandimgone]

It's always the same clueless posters who rush to defend BIODAD, posters who know nothing and try to infer on the situation based on what adjective I use, what tone my sentence is in, just back the f off already.

Clue: When you know absolutely nothing but a few biased talking points about a situation, this is how to phrase a post so it doesn't come off looking like a troll post:


Has Biodad ever indicated that he needs support and/or resources with parenting? Has he indicated that he is having difficulty with his youngest child? Has the older child mentioned anything that would indicate Biodad needs help? Because we would be the first to offer such help if he did.


As opposed to,


Well if it takes two of you to raise the kid, TAG TEAM, how do you expect Biodad to do it on his own? He is doing the right thing taking one kid, because two would be too much to handle. Poor guy lacks resources.

Funny, you don't seem to have the same opinion of those who offer their opinion in your favour....based on absolutely nothing but a few biased talking points!

I could care less your interpretation of my intentions, those who live in a cynical, self-centred world will see what they want to see, despite what and how it is presented.