Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Voicemail

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    I agree with everyone else here, you don't want to get into the drama in her life any more than necessary. Perhaps a brief email saying you understand she's going through a difficult period, and you're willing to take the kids for extra nights if that would help. And then hope she takes you up on it.

    I really feel for your kids - though I also know lots of upstanding adults, including some of my closest friends, who had one batshit crazy parent and one sane one, and managed to come out okay. Your kids have you, the best possible buffer against the tsunami of dysfunction.

    Comment


    • #62
      Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
      Wow FB - I've got nothing to add. TFG she's not pregnant to boot!
      Hope you get some sleep tonight, you so deserve this upcoming vacation.
      I will enjoy the vacation very much but I'm still awaiting the signed travel consent.

      Comment


      • #63
        So I did send a simple email.

        I just said I'm sorry she's going through stuff and basically if she needs anything from me in regards to the kids to let me know.

        I got no response.

        She came to the house last night to ask a question with the kids. I answered it and they left.

        Comment


        • #64
          I briefly spoke to my lawyer. He said since the children are currently in her care, he recommended I called her immediately regardless of the email issues.

          He then said if things are not going well a call to Children's aid might be required.

          Comment


          • #65
            I briefly spoke to my lawyer. He said since the children are currently in her care, he recommended I called her immediately regardless of the email issues.
            I need to point this out that I think there is a certain amount of "Groupthink" that occurs on these forums. This obsession to stick to email and keep this ever lasting legal defense mechanism isn't practical. I agree with keeping general stuff by email but having a phone conversation can't be regarded as an anathema (sp?).

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by Links17 View Post
              I need to point this out that I think there is a certain amount of "Groupthink" that occurs on these forums. This obsession to stick to email and keep this ever lasting legal defense mechanism isn't practical. I agree with keeping general stuff by email but having a phone conversation can't be regarded as an anathema (sp?).
              It depends on the situation, and its clear in the past that FB has a high conflict ex.

              My ex was very very high conflict during the separation agreement process, but I have spent an hour on the phone today working through issues around my son.

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                I need to point this out that I think there is a certain amount of "Groupthink" that occurs on these forums. This obsession to stick to email and keep this ever lasting legal defense mechanism isn't practical. I agree with keeping general stuff by email but having a phone conversation can't be regarded as an anathema (sp?).
                I would also say I thought the urgency was for something totally not urgent considering the kids with with me at the time. Knowing the facts of the matter certainly changes the circumstances and I was completely wrong in my opinion. I thought that it was even more reason to not speak to her. After speaking to my lawyer I now realize for the reason's he provided that was not the best course of action.

                Anyway I just got off the phone with her. She refused to tell me at first. Then told me everything. She told me basically everything that the sitter told me. She's in daily contact with her therapist and crisis intervention workers. Her and the other guy are apparently friends but he just can't "deal" with her anymore. She was not very stable on the phone. Crying, being apologetic, and then defensive.

                I told her I thought it was in the best interest of the kids to stay with me until she got her stuff sorted out. She said she needs the kids to get better.

                She is looking to buy a house in Brampton near their school.

                I've sent another email to my lawyer with the details. I will probably be sending her an email stating that it's in the best interest of the children to reside with me temporarily until she has a stable environment for the children.

                Thanks

                Comment


                • #68
                  This obsession to stick to email and keep this ever lasting legal defense mechanism isn't practical.
                  It actually works just fine. I've been doing it for a very long time and having email always works well in court.

                  By the way FB, there is nothing surprising in the exchange with your ex. She will move a lot and will have a lot of conflict going forward that she will involve your children in.

                  She will continue to use them as she sees fit to get attention, etc. She's a drama queen who will go through a lot of men who will subsequently get sick of her antics fairly quickly.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                    It actually works just fine. I've been doing it for a very long time and having email always works well in court.

                    By the way FB, there is nothing surprising in the exchange with your ex. She will move a lot and will have a lot of conflict going forward that she will involve your children in.

                    She will continue to use them as she sees fit to get attention, etc. She's a drama queen who will go through a lot of men who will subsequently get sick of her antics fairly quickly.
                    I agree. The question is and again what I've asked my lawyer. What at this point should I be doing to look out for the best interest of the children. I've offered my assistance to care for the kids until she can get herself back in order. Should I be insisting?

                    I know it will happen again and I will offer again when it does happen.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      I'm not sure that you can insist. Her moving isn't really justification to change the access order, particularly if she's moving closer to the school. Her medical condition may justification be but it depends if you want to pursue it and whether or not she's now getting proper treatment. I'd definitely discuss it with your lawyer. You know what she's like when she's under stress and off her meds...is she a danger to the children?

                      I'm really glad that you're not getting dragged back in...I was figuring part of the reason she wanted to speak to you on the phone was because she wanted a temporary place to stay.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                        I'm not sure that you can insist. Her moving isn't really justification to change the access order, particularly if she's moving closer to the school. Her medical condition may justification be but it depends if you want to pursue it and whether or not she's now getting proper treatment. I'd definitely discuss it with your lawyer. You know what she's like when she's under stress and off her meds...is she a danger to the children?

                        I'm really glad that you're not getting dragged back in...I was figuring part of the reason she wanted to speak to you on the phone was because she wanted a temporary place to stay.
                        Last time this happened while I was still in the house should would frequently fall asleep or refuse to get up and let the 2 kids then (4 and 6) to do as they wished in the house.

                        One cannot predict what someone with an untreated/unstable mental situation might do.

                        I noticed she said "SHE" needed the kids. Very selfish statement.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          I shudder to think that she may use the children as a 'sounding-block' during one of her episodes.

                          People who are mentally unstable are like drug addicts - totally self-absorbed. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you can't rationalize with an irrational person.

                          It's all very well that you are being nice and sympathetic to this woman. You have to know where to draw the line though. She's whacko. Whacko people are manipulative. She lived with you long enough to know which buttons of yours to push. Keeping the kids assures her of income/support. She knows this. Recognize it and do whatever you have to do to keep your children and yourself safe.

                          If you end up doing something about this (going for sole custody with supervised access) then keep things close to your chest. If she ever got wind of it she'd do a total flip-out. I wouldn't even discuss it openly on this forum, rather PM a few on here that you trust and can give you some solid advice on this area.

                          You have a good support system here - don't be afraid to use it.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                            One cannot predict what someone with an untreated/unstable mental situation might do.

                            I noticed she said "SHE" needed the kids. Very selfish statement.
                            Just thinking outside the box. You mentioned she is in touch daily with her therapist, that's good. They can't share information with you, however you can share your concerns with her therapist regarding the well being of the children in her care while she is going through this. As a professional they have a duty to report (if needed) and a duty to ensure minors are not risk. The therapist could also reasonably discuss with her if it would be best for the children to be in your care at this time if she is a risk...

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              If you end up doing something about this (going for sole custody with supervised access) then keep things close to your chest.
                              I agree in being careful about publicizing it if you decide to go the sole custody route but I'm not sure that you have grounds.

                              If she got medical treatment and is back on her meds, probably not. But again, its another reason why you want things in email with your particular ex...because she's probably going to have recurring incidences of going off her meds and having these types of issues. Eventually, you may decide to pursue a different custody/access order and if you can show consistently that this is a pattern of longterm behavior, your chances of success are better.

                              I noticed she said "SHE" needed the kids. Very selfish statement.
                              Not surprising, she seems to use the kids a lot to get sympathy and attention.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                It sounds like the kids are being "parentified" by her (she's making them responsible for meeting her emotional needs and supporting her) as well as "objectified" (she's using them as a means to get what she wants). They're fortunate to have you and a home where they can just be kids and don't have to take on inappropriate parental roles with the adults in their lives. At some point, some sort of therapy or counselling might be good for them, because parentification can do a number on children's self-image.

                                I think Pursuinghappiness is right, this show is going to be in re-runs for ever. After a couple more episodes like this, you may have an ironclad case for going after sole custody, even if you have to suffer through her drama in the meantime.

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X