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  • #16
    We put everything on my ex's credit card, or he pays by cheque if CC isn't an option. I have my insurance directed to reimburse him.

    This way, I don't have to worry about trying torecoup any money after it's been paid to him.

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    • #17
      This is an issue for us as well. Mom has the earlier birth date but no insurance. So dad's is the first to be applied, then mom's bf, then dad's new wife. This is a standard set by the insurance providers and we are expected to adhere to it. So far there have been no repercussions for not following the proper order but there are financial repercussions to us personally as a result of mom's non cooperation.

      Mom refuses to provide her bf's insurance info for the kids. So we have never been able to use it. It is not as simple as saying we pay for dental and they pay for something else. There are larger costs that are covered at only 50% or a flat rate per visit regardless if the per visit cost is $400. This is the case for the paramedical expenses for the children in our situation. We can and have spent $1800 a month and only received less than $600 back from the only insurance we have had access to.

      I provide this information to demonstrate that the simplest approach may not be a long lasting or prudent one in future years. As we did not foresee the children needing these services and were basically willing to suck up the additional costs for what we could not recoup on a dental cleaning as it amounted to little over the course of a year. Now we are out of pocket significantly as the expenses have risen.

      We also pay for all the benefit costs despite the SA stating that these are to be shared equally. In fact, mommy dearest has even advised us in writing to cancel our benefits a few years ago. But of course, continues to seek payment should she pay out of pocket for any medical expenses herself (although this is rare). In layman's terms, she wants to suck and blow.

      We have maintained the benefit costs on our own. We have been asking for her to contribute for over two years. She just refuses. We have added it to our list of items to be resolved in court.

      Sadly, expenses cannot be submitted to a plan after a year has gone by. So many of these expenses cannot even be claimed now. It goes to show how anger can con volute an individual's rational thought process. As they have increased the other parent's out of pocket costs and to have allowed the claim to go through would have cost them nothing in the end. At this time, they may be on the hook for these expenses and the alternative was that they could have resolved this with NO COST TO THEM!

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      • #18
        My agreement says ex provide benefits as long as available. I di not have benefits at the time of divorce but I do now. Ex refuses to submit claims. He refused to contribute to braces. He agreed to be directly billed by the SLP for his share but once the bills started to come in he refused to pay. Ex's birthday falls before mine but refuses to acknowledge that his benefits deny one of the kids. Only way to "fix" that was to reverse the order our benefits kick in. Funny, that only applies to one kid.

        In all cases I ended up paying because the kids needed things. It sucks but that is my reality. My kids will not do without because their father refuses to accept his responsibilities.

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        • #19
          Trying to answer based on your original post, as it was hard to wade through the other posts in this thread...

          Originally posted by Wiser2008 View Post
          ...My common law wife has been divorced from her ex husband since last Dec they have 2 children aged 10, and 13. They have joint custody with 50/50 access for the children back in Nov of 2008 her son decided to live with us full time and were trying to vary the court order for him now...
          When did son "decide" to live with you guys "full-time"? Was that in 2008? Or is this more recent? I wasn't clear on that with the way this was written. Judging by your comments about "cheque cashing", it sounds like for the last few months, since last November? How has this been addressed with your current joint-custody agreement? It sounds like it has not. Why not? You need to take care of the legal aspect of this (your court order).

          Originally posted by Wiser2008 View Post
          ...Her court order states that her ex is to maintain bennefits for the children throughout so long as such bennefits are available to him. He pays 50% and his employeer pays the other 50%. We just found out from the dentist that he cancelled his bennefits last fall for the children because her...
          It would be in everyone's best interests, likely, to have benefits on both sides, to coordinate costs. If the other parent cancelled the benefits, I guess you could likely address this in court, if needed, if it's ordered that he keep them. Won't look well on him, cancelling kids coverage. He's still on the hook for his share of dental/health costs. So keep track of what he's not covering. Perhaps show him that it's cheaper for him to keep benefits coverage? Big expenses like braces and such, would be good to have covered through both benefits.


          Originally posted by Wiser2008 View Post
          ...co-bennefit coverage up to $1500 but it costs $3000. My fiance gave him post dated cheques of $300 according to their agreement because she makes about $65,000/yr and he has been cashing the cheques eery month since last Nov even though her son has not been living with him....
          Probably because you still have a court order, that states you share 50/50 joint custody. One can put a stop payment on cheques, FYI. Not sure it that should be the case or not, as I'm not clear on how this "custody" change happened.

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          • #20
            This is an old post from Wiser2008. I don't think he is looking for advice at this time. Serene brought the post forward as it is similar to her situation.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              This is an old post from Wiser2008. I don't think he is looking for advice at this time. Serene brought the post forward as it is similar to her situation.
              sigh... I see that now, thanks Arabian.

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              • #22
                The system is so very broken and I'm sorry for what you are going through. Seems like the responsible stable parent is the one that gets screwed over. And the worse part is that I bet that it cost you thousands of dollars in legal fees to get there. Lawyers just line their pockets and judges don't do their job. The children suffer and the ex gets a free ride. It is so damn common. The family law system needs an overhaul.

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