Issues with Access - Contempt?

[mafia007]

Hi folks,


After over 3 years of battle to get some access with my kids, I finally got an order to start with EOW access with D10 last September. Everything was going find until last week when S18 decided he no longer wanted to come for access.


D10 was requesting more time so I told her to wait until Spring so I could raise the matter to her mom. So a Month ago, I send a nice Email to mom to seek more access with D10 upon her wishes.


I then had a chat with my S17, who is now S18 about his schooling. I am responsible for post-education. I wasn't too happy to learn that nothing was done as to research of a job prior to finishing his high school. The program he is enrolled to requires that he finds a job with a contractor willing to account for a number of hours in order to pursue his studies. I asked him to provide me with a detail plan, showing his researches, his next steps, all stuff related to school with dates and details on the programs.


He didn't like that and decided to cut his access with me. The reason he gave had no sense at all saying I was to aggressive and violent when I approach him with the subject. At 18 years old, I figure out that he expected he could just lay down at her mother's house and do nothing. I don't care what he thinks. Married or separated... I am still the same dad who will still encourage that my children have good education and far from being allergic to work.


He ran away with his little sister. I text my ex back to bring D10 to my house as it was my access time but she ignored my message.


Then I got that silly email from her lawyer saying that D10 do not want any access with me anymore. That they spoke to a counsellor who had to address the matter to CAS because they were concern about her access with dad. bla bla bla Nothing in the Court Order state that there is to be a recommendation for access. The therapy was for reunification but was terminated from the beginning as their was no need for it.


I reply that there is an Order in place and I will keep on showing on time to pick her up. If after 20 minutes and my courtesy messages, she keeps on ignoring me, I will document for contempt.


I knew that even with a Court Order, she would still do what she wants.


How long or how many times should I count until I bring a motion for contempt?

[mafia007]

Here we go again.


Received a call from CAS and I'm meeting with them this week.


Mother brought D10 to speak with a counsellor and then it was reported to CAS. Now, even with an order in place, mother won't let D10 for her access visit with dad. I went with my new wife yesterday to pick up D10 and she showed up on the porch 2 times yelling at me that she didn't want to come. I guest mother send her directly to me to deliver the message. Funny that two weeks ago she was saying " Love you Dad".


Apparently, there is abuse and violence against my kid... all the nightmare from Spring 2015 is back again. False allegations. I thought with an order everything would be in place but she is still defeating the system.


But, we waited for 20 minutes and I send 2 text messages to my ex plus an email with the date and time. Just to have proof that we went for our access visit. Then the cops showed up. Had to explain to the cops that I have to show up for my access even though I know she will refuse but they understand and they said that I was following the right path. I must document document and document all access denied. For what I can see, mom is letting D10 deciding when she will come for her access visit now.


Next Sunday, on Father's Day, I will show up around 9h am in the morning to document another denied access visit. For the kids sake, is mom going to call the cops once again?


Question: how long and how many access denied does it takes to bring a motion for contempt and as worse... a motion to change as well? I heard the Court won't do anything if it's only the first time this happen.


Please your advices !

[youngdad91]

Keep showing up. Text her that your're there to pick up child. Wait for HER to call the cops. Explain the situation to the cops, and leave.

The more often this happens, the more helpful to you in court. Once or twice, not a big deal, but certainly helpful in lowering the courts respect for her even if it happens once. There is generally zero tolerance for not obeying court order - she will need to have a really good reason why she denied you access - if CAS has no concern - then she is pooch.

Let it it happen for as much as possible, and keep your jets calm knowing it's working in your favour - play the LONG game.

Let it go for I would say at least 3-4 weeks, then send a letter or email, letting her know that you will have no choice but to get support from the courts if we are not following our agreement. commence your motion to change. If it still happens after you have commenced your motion, even better.

I would also use the mother's unilateral placing the child in counselling to get joint custody. Counselling is being approached one sided and could be used against you by mom (not saying the judge will buy it, but certainly helpful to you).

[mafia007]

Originally Posted by youngdad91

The more often this happens, the more helpful to you in court. Once or twice, not a big deal, but certainly helpful in lowering the courts respect for her even if it happens once. There is generally zero tolerance for not obeying court order - she will need to have a really good reason why she denied you access - if CAS has no concern - then she is pooch.

Had the visit from CAS and just before she left, she told us that it wasn't a concern to them as there is no need for the kids to be under protection. She saw that the conflict was still on and some issues need to be addressed in front of the court. The worst is that they have nothing to suggest for Parental Alienation. There is absolutely no help in Ottawa for that particular matter. This is a real problem.

[foreverhome]

Cops will do nothing. And you can document for contempt whatever. Who is going reinforce the order? Cops will tell you to deal with it through family court. But if you harass the mother, you can get charged. No one, you can't force 10 y.o. to do anything. Obviously she is brainwashed by her mom. Don't go to her house with your new wife, you only going to make things worse. Eliminate you new partner from the picture. Instead, try to rebuild your relationship with a child, back off a little. Just message her, call, ask to go out once a week. Establish relationship

[mafia007]

Originally Posted by foreverhome

Cops will do nothing. And you can document for contempt whatever. Who is going reinforce the order? Cops will tell you to deal with it through family court. But if you harass the mother, you can get charged. No one, you can't force 10 y.o. to do anything. Obviously she is brainwashed by her mom. Don't go to her house with your new wife, you only going to make things worse. Eliminate you new partner from the picture. Instead, try to rebuild your relationship with a child, back off a little. Just message her, call, ask to go out once a week. Establish relationship

What a stupid post. There is an order and the mother must follow it and encourage the 10 yo to have as much contact with the father. She needs to parent the same way she would do if the child wouldn’t want to go to school. Yes the mother had brainwashed the kids and now she needs to repair the dammages otherwise, she will be found in contempt of the Court order. I don’t want the cops to get involve. I’ll keep showing up with my wife as my children know her and had no problems. She is my witness anyway, I am not going to show at my ex home alone, that would be stupid. The ex is an actress and a realy bad liar!

[kate331]

Mafia007, my ex and I use to have these epic battles during exchanges, and the kids would run around the foyer in my apartment building yelling and screaming. Its wasn't something I was very proud of. And yes, it did bother me that he would bring his girlfriend. CAS claimed it was abusive to the children to be put in this situation and insisted on either school/daycare drop offs or use an Access Centre. IMO, you shouldn't be picking up the child from Mom's house and putting the child in that circumstance. I highly doubt your child is going to cause a scene in front of a teacher or daycare provider.

[mafia007]

Originally Posted by kate331

Mafia007, my ex and I use to have these epic battles during exchanges, and the kids would run around the foyer in my apartment building yelling and screaming. Its wasn't something I was very proud of. And yes, it did bother me that he would bring his girlfriend. CAS claimed it was abusive to the children to be put in this situation and insisted on either school/daycare drop offs or use an Access Centre. IMO, you shouldn't be picking up the child from Mom's house and putting the child in that circumstance. I highly doubt your child is going to cause a scene in front of a teacher or daycare provider.

Stop with the new partner thing. We've been together for almost 4 years and the kids know her. In the minutes of settlement, my ex was OK if either my wife or I go to pick them up. This is not the issue at stand.


Read carefully my first post. My daughter is to have every second week-end with her father but mom is denying the access for almost a month now. Sunday, it's Father's Day and I am to pick her up at 9 am in the morning. If mom deny, I am filing for contempt.

[Berner_Faith]

Originally Posted by mafia007

Stop with the new partner thing. We've been together for almost 4 years and the kids know her. In the minutes of settlement, my ex was OK if either my wife or I go to pick them up. This is not the issue at stand.


Read carefully my first post. My daughter is to have every second week-end with her father but mom is denying the access for almost a month now. Sunday, it's Father's Day and I am to pick her up at 9 am in the morning. If mom deny, I am filing for contempt.

No need to get defensive in every post. YOU mentioned your partner so naturally people are going to comment on that, if you didn’t want that to happen then leave that detail out.

You can file for contempt but most likely it will take you a couple times before anything happens so be prepared for that.


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[arabian]

Your kids may be fine with your current partner but your ex likely is not. Showing up with her is merely throwing gas on the flames. You should be looking at resolving the situation not antagonizing things further.

I hope you realize how lengthy contempt of court can be. A judge doesn't just say "yep you didn't obey my order and I therefore find you in contempt" - that's Hollywood. It's much more drawn out than that in Canadian family law. At the very least, your ex would be given time to "purge" her contempt. That means that she has to be a good little girl for a while. This means additional appearances before the judge. It can go on for years.

I think what you have to do is think hard and honestly ask yourself what you hope to accomplish... punish the wife (which is seems like you are doing by showing up there with g/f) or improving situation with your ex which will facilitate a better relationship with your children (I have seen nothing in your post to indicate you are doing this). Yes I read your post and your ex is calling the CAS. However, if the two of you were getting along this likely would not happen.

I'd therefore focus on how you can improve your relationship with your ex. Starting litigation (contempt) isn't the answer.