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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 02-15-2018, 06:36 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Default Monster Mom

After 6 months of filing I finally got my ex's Response (Form 10: Answer) and I am devastated at the allegations. According to my ex, I am a DV Abuser, who is volatile, violence, psychotic and have a undiagnosed mental illness for our entire 6 year relationship. And he is the Hero for walking away to spare the children. Truth is he left for another women, but that doesnt factor into anything anyway.

I feel like I just got hit by a Mack Truck. I feel if I was a Judge reading this, I would remove the children immediately and lock me up either in jail or a phyc ward. Our children both have special needs, they both have active social workers/mandatory reporters in their lives why has this Monster Mom (me), not been reported before? But clearly have been accused in an Affidavit for Family Court. Shouldn't these affidavits be mandatory reported to both Police and CAS for investigation as soon as there are filed in family court? Are Lawyers Mandatory Reporters? Shouldn't his lawyer have some legal responsibility to report me?

I can only hope that our case never ends up on Canlii for our children to read. I dont understand how a parent could be so cruel and make up allegations against the other for no reason. We are NOT in a custody or access battle. Our disagreement is over CS and Daycare costs. There is no need imo, to make one parent better or worse than the other.

I think its such travesty, in Family Law that you can just swear an affidavit and make such allegations in something so serious as DV that it becomes routine for litigants. Its minimizing the true victims of DV.

I am become quite jaded re the Family Court System, that you can just throw out such a serious allegations without anything to back it up. My only crimes in my life has been parking tickets, not even a speeding ticket, let alone a charge or even an allegation for violence until now.

What happens to the Fathers/Mothers that have been true victims of DV? And why do lawyers (he is with a prestige firm) allow these allegations with no proof or at the very least an investigation?

Maybe playing nice doesnt work in Family Court? Maybe I need to grow a bigger backbone? Or find a lawyer that can sling the mud back? My lawyer is a small independent lawyer but reasonable priced, and does not sling mud.

Thanks for listening, my heart goes out to all of you who are brave enough even to post here to help others.

I definitely don't have the stomach for this!
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  #2  
Old 02-15-2018, 07:09 PM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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I think it’s a common tactic. Throw some mud to detract from the real issue.

My daughters ex did this. He had been under reporting his income and had refused to pay daycare proportionate to income. So she filed a motion to have CS re-evaluated and for him to pay daycare including arrears.

His answer to her motion was to drag up anything that had annoyed him over the past 3 years with lots of added embellishments and accusations about her that were totally untrue and for which he had no proof anyway.

Her lawyer instructed her to write in her reply, item by item “ this statement is a complete untruth”

Then just concentrated on the real issues. The judge read it all and made no reference to all his rantings but just picked out the relevant facts of his income and that he had not paid his share of daycare even though he knew about it.

Judge awarded cost to my daughter and slammed a big arrears bill on the ex.

So just take it easy and ignore his rantings and just state the truth and back each truth with,proof.

Good luck.

And yes it will be interesting to see what the children would think if they read some of these affidavits.

Last edited by Beachnana; 02-15-2018 at 07:13 PM.
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Old 02-15-2018, 07:19 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Ignore it. As you said, if there was a problem it would have been reported by now. The judge only cares about facts.

Fact: his income is $xx,xxx
Fact: your income is $yy,yyy
Fact: offset child support is $zzz monthly
Fact: section 7 % is abc

Thats it. Nothing else matters. Make an offer to settle along the lines of whats common (ie if you are offering 50/50, set it all out and move forward).

The only way it will end up on canlii is if it has potential to set jurisprudence or its an interesting case.
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  #4  
Old 02-15-2018, 07:22 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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just typical mud-slinging.

By getting upset you are giving him what he wants. You are focusing on the lies instead of just dismissing them. Focus on the actual issues.
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  #5  
Old 02-15-2018, 09:27 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I agree it is pretty upsetting to read the allegations.
Beachnana's daughter received good advice from her lawyer in how to respond.

My ex, after our 30-year-marriage, decided to allege I was a terrible mother because ex felt I had no part in our son's toilet training (son was in late 20's when we divorced). LOL. I recall I was incensed at the time reading the fiction. Recognize what it is: Your ex's lawyer is simply trying to keep the two of you fighting to increase billable hours on your file. So don't 'feed the meter' and DO NOT spend time addressing all of the false allegation... it is but a distraction.

One thing that I know for certain in family law - it is all about money. Lawyers know this. Don't get sucked in.

Last edited by arabian; 02-15-2018 at 09:29 PM.
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:00 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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It’s called “Legal Abuse Syndrome”. The other side is attacking you with lies, false allegations and character assasination in the hopes of making you so distraught you cave in to their demands. If they are relentless, over time they can cause such extensive injury to your psyche that you develop court induced PTSD which can devastate you for the rest of your life. Wicked, unethical and potentially catastrophic. Be forewarned!
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:57 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement and advice! I have a week to answer back. I am going to leave it for a few days until my emotions arent so high.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:05 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Try googling Legal Abuse Syndrome. There is an excellent video by the psychologist who coined this term. If you know what they’re up to and why, then you can prepare yourself to deal with their head games. Same as the dating site scammers who try to catfish you out of your money. If you know what they’re up to you won’t fall victim to them. It’s a chess game. Stay cool and outsmart them.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:18 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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This one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge_LkXD9YtA

Did you purchase the book?
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  #10  
Old 02-16-2018, 01:19 AM
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mafia007 mafia007 is offline
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Default The Truth is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
After 6 months of filing I finally got my ex's Response (Form 10: Answer) and I am devastated at the allegations. According to my ex, I am a DV Abuser, who is volatile, violence, psychotic and have a undiagnosed mental illness for our entire 6 year relationship. And he is the Hero for walking away to spare the children. Truth is he left for another women, but that doesnt factor into anything anyway..
Funny, normally it's the other way around. Welcome on the side of False allegations and etc.... just ignore and don't even pay attention since you are on the safe side of gender. Judge won't believe him. Sleep tight! Don't worry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I feel like I just got hit by a Mack Truck. I feel if I was a Judge reading this, I would remove the children immediately and lock me up either in jail or a phyc ward. Our children both have special needs, they both have active social workers/mandatory reporters in their lives why has this Monster Mom (me), not been reported before? But clearly have been accused in an Affidavit for Family Court. Shouldn't these affidavits be mandatory reported to both Police and CAS for investigation as soon as there are filed in family court? Are Lawyers Mandatory Reporters? Shouldn't his lawyer have some legal responsibility to report me?.
Affidavits are full of lies. Justice won't pay attention to any of them even though they are sworn. Don't bother. Exhibits are facts. Affidavits are chapters of a vexatious litigant who needs to vent his frustration and hates through a legal mechanic and unfortunately, only adds into the useless continuing record. Easy to differentiate as none of the false statements would be supported by an evidence. All my statements were supported, none of my ex were. But she was on the safe gender side and permitted to say all kind of BS.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I can only hope that our case never ends up on Canlii for our children to read. I dont understand how a parent could be so cruel and make up allegations against the other for no reason. We are NOT in a custody or access battle. Our disagreement is over CS and Daycare costs. There is no need imo, to make one parent better or worse than the other..
My case is on CanLii and since I am wide open and telling the truth since the very start of my litigation, I have no problem with it. I do hope my children will see all this eventually and I'm keeping all my material to show later on. If they don't realize what their mom and her family have been "monsterily" doing by lying and manipulating the system today, they need to know tomorrow. My children are far from me today, but they will be far from mom tomorrow. I believe in KARMA.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I think its such travesty, in Family Law that you can just swear an affidavit and make such allegations in something so serious as DV that it becomes routine for litigants. Its minimizing the true victims of DV..
She made false allegations of DV to win her case. I lost access to my house and kids because of that and was never compensated. I read, read and studied the civil law to seek some remedies. I am now entering into a new battle to play with the rules and the law.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I am become quite jaded re the Family Court System, that you can just throw out such a serious allegations without anything to back it up. My only crimes in my life has been parking tickets, not even a speeding ticket, let alone a charge or even an allegation for violence until now..
You have nothing to worry if there is no supporting evidence. Just say it's not true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
What happens to the Fathers/Mothers that have been true victims of DV? And why do lawyers (he is with a prestige firm) allow these allegations with no proof or at the very least an investigation?.
Real victims reports those events when they severely happen. Mothers goes to shelters. Fathers hide under humiliation (they don't have shelters). Lawyers makes lots of money with those lies that tends to prolonge the litigation on several months and by filing documents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Maybe playing nice doesnt work in Family Court? Maybe I need to grow a bigger backbone? Or find a lawyer that can sling the mud back? My lawyer is a small independent lawyer but reasonable priced, and does not sling mud.
Don't ever play nice for the ex. Only for the sake of the children. My biggest error was to let my ex keep the house as she wanted it but I had always requested my share. Knowing the trouble I am running into today, I should have ask the house to be listed on the market to get the fair value. Don't be nice to your ex, especially when he/she lies by telling their Truth!
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