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  • Ex moved to Saudi Arabia

    Hi everyone, I am new here but a friend told me about this forum. A little bit about me. I have a son. I have full custody of my son. His father has not been in his life since he was little. He was abusive. Has anger issues. Got restraining order against him, he breached it and then the whole yada yada yada peace bonds etc, supervised access..: fast forward 16 years and here we are.

    My son is in high school. Doesn't have much of a relationship with father but occasionally speaks on the phone. Father has had access to him on final court orders which are quite old (mid-2000s) but did not exercise that right: moved away from where we live to another province . Got married had three kids whom my son hasn't met. Paid child support on time. Had a few bumps which were solved by enforcement by FRO by taking aaway his Drivers licence and flagging credit.

    I had filed another application to change child support, access, OCL etc and since he didn't care about my son, I had my own health scares ( cancer survivor) ... The court dates kept adjourning and till date nothing has happened to that application. Our next date is scheduled sometime in October this year which will be the lat one if we don't settle or attend that court date. So much has changed and that is what I need help with.

    Last year in October father out of no where wanted to meet son and sent a ticket for him to fly him to his place. Son went for two weeks and met his step siblings for the first time and came home happy. After that they stayed in touch on phone , only to find out that father had decided to pack up and leave canada to work in a foreign country. This crushed my son but now he is ok

    I found out that for the past two years father was self employed here and was in the oil business in Alberta. Did not provide me any financial disclosure of that. Now he moves for a new job and doesn't provide me that disclosure. Every year we exchange tax returns and adjust child support .

    I asked him to provide me details about his business and he said he has winded up the business and during the move his papers are lost. I asked him to provide me the contract with his employer because I have read that the package is great and it's all savings over there except for buying food. He says he lost it. I ask him to gt it from employer . Then he send me an email saying on his own calculation child support would be no more than $2600 and that he will start paying it if I will stop demanding financial disclosure. I said I need the disclosure.

    This was back in April. We have been going back and forth but he keeps asking for more time . Sometimes his employer is on holiday. Or he is not there and internet is not bail able etc. I am now thinking of moving ahead with a motion. Here are my questions:

    1) First what do I do with the old application cause that needs to be changed? Or start a new application for this matter / new change?

    2) should I just file a motion that he has left the country and I need the financial disclosure to adjust child support. And to temporarily set it to 2600 as the father himself has calculated it to be 2600?

    3) access to be removed from court order so that I can easily cross the border without fathers consent and maintain passport without his consent

    What else can be added when the other parent is gone?

    I know it's long to read but I really need good advise on how to go about this. Thankyou
    Last edited by HammerDad; 01-26-2015, 07:34 PM.

  • #2
    Let's set aside the legal issues and dad's relationship with the son, and look at this from a purely strategic and moral perspective.

    You've got an ex that is willing to pay $2,600 PER MONTH, as long as you keep it out of the courts, and your son is 16?

    What was being paid previously? Wait, never mind, it doesn't matter, he's offering you $2,600 PER MONTH.

    Your son is almost an adult. He might continue to get support if he goes to post-seondary, but realistically, the time period in which you can count on child support is coming to an end fairly quickly.

    You COULD waste it on court procedures and lawyers fees, and demands for disclosure, or you COULD take the money and run.

    My ex gets $900 per month for two kids, and we are 50-50. She probably gets by on a net income of $3,000 per month by the time my support is calculated in with her part time job and her tax credits.

    She would kill to be getting $2,600 over and above whatever else she could earn.

    I'm not saying it is right that he is evading disclosure, but there is a degree of pragmatism that you need to consider. If he is going to be in Saudi Arabia for a long time, or if he is possibly going to relocate all of this family and lay down roots there, it is going to be increasingly difficult to even use the court hammer.

    If you can amicably get along AND get $2,600, and your son can go visit dad once a while in a cool foreign country on dad's dime, what am I missing here? I get that there is principle and pride at stake, but is it really worth fighting your ex over all of this?

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    • #3
      That's exactly what I thought so! I agreed to 2600 and said I will not ask for disclosure. He then sent a list saying give me written assurance u won't contact my employer . I said yes agreed . Without getting in details. Whatever he sys I have been saying ok yet he has not started to pay the 2600. Since march of this year this has been going on. I said leave wvrything else aside .:: start paying the child support. I will not contact ur employer , I will not ask for stuff. Take ur time to provide whatever u can. Yet I have not received the 2600 that he said . That's why I'm asking what are my options?

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      • #4
        Ex moved to Saudi Arabia

        Maybe I should just let it be then. Court is ling and awful and draining and I will be self rep. I am going in October anyways so maybe I will talk to the judge then. I get 550 per month now. Common sense says leave it because it's not worth it.

        Actually his whole family has moved with him to saudia. I wonder what he will do for the October date?

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        • #5
          Originally posted by odf6979 View Post
          Maybe I should just let it be then. Court is ling and awful and draining and I will be self rep. I am going in October anyways so maybe I will talk to the judge then. I get 550 per month now. Common sense says leave it because it's not worth it.

          Actually his whole family has moved with him to saudia. I wonder what he will do for the October date?
          If he pays $550 now, and is proposing $2600, I would jump at getting that in writing and registered. Going to court will take years and $$$, as well as energy.

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          • #6
            Ex moved to Saudi Arabia

            He said in email and without prejudice. That is why I was thinking the least I could do was do a motion and change child support orders and atleast file them with FRO. atleast FRO will have the orders to enforce it. Knowing my ex he will not jeopardize his canadian passport and citizenship. So maybe this would make him and force him to pay. Wouldn't that be easy to do ?

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            • #7
              Do a search here on Motion to Change and you will find lots of information.

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              • #8
                Again, your son is almost an adult. Visitation, access, permission to leave country, passports, etc. etc. will all become pointless things to acquire in less than two years. Going to court for those things is not terribly worth it unless you are in DESPERATE need to take your son on a vacay outside of the country.

                Your ex is probably holding back because he is worried that you will still do some kind of court thing that will disrupt his Saudi Arabian paradise, and/or muck up his ability to go back to Canada.

                You CAN do a motion to change, but again, from the pragmatic perspective, you could send your ex an email offering to end this all now if you both sign a document in which he promises to give you $2,600 a month, and you promise not to go to court as long as the money flows.

                My goodness, even if he only abided by that for the next two years, and then did something jerkish like cut your kid off when he went to school, you have 24 months to sock away the extra $2,000 a month that you're getting (over and above the $550 you are already getting). That's $48,000 that could pay for about 3 years of schooling. Hell, if you throw every dime of that extra money into RESPs for your kid, he'll get a ton of money in grants from the government.

                So, tell your ex that if that money starts flowing, you won't go anywhere near a lawyer or courthouse, and then start saving that cash up. Feast or famine, right?

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                • #9
                  I did! That is what I have been saying that I do not want to go to court and want to sort it out of court amicably. That's why it has been going on since march. He keeps delaying an is not increasing te support. The last email is sent him I clearly said to him that he needs to adjust the support as it's been months that we have been going back and forth and we can keep on trying to sort out all the other issues. I don't know what he wants. I feel he is just delaying things so when I go to court there will be so many arrears and we know what happnd a to arrears../ they don't get fully recovered and courts also ask why I didn't come to court earlier

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by odf6979 View Post
                    I did! That is what I have been saying that I do not want to go to court and want to sort it out of court amicably. That's why it has been going on since march. He keeps delaying an is not increasing te support. The last email is sent him I clearly said to him that he needs to adjust the support as it's been months that we have been going back and forth and we can keep on trying to sort out all the other issues. I don't know what he wants. I feel he is just delaying things so when I go to court there will be so many arrears and we know what happnd a to arrears../ they don't get fully recovered and courts also ask why I didn't come to court earlier
                    If you have an agreement, then file a Motion to Change on Consent. You don't have to go to court, and it will be registered with the court and with FRO. Do the search on it hear and be done.

                    FRO doesn't know what to do if someone overpays, so I don't blame him - it needs to be done the proper way. FRO only works from legal agreements, not from email committments.

                    You can do this, without a lawyer, the docs are on the government site and not hard to fill in.

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                    • #11
                      I don't have an agreement. We have just been emailing back and forth since march. That's why I am lost as to what should I do. Keep in delaying or go to court.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by odf6979 View Post
                        I don't have an agreement. We have just been emailing back and forth since march. That's why I am lost as to what should I do. Keep in delaying or go to court.
                        You said you had an offer in an email. Agree to it, and tell him you will do the paperwork. Either he agrees and signs the document, or he doesn't and you think about court.

                        But remember court takes time and the case could not be settled for a year or two. Given that court can cost tens of thousands, I would urge you to consider settling for just about any amount above what you are getting now.

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                        • #13
                          If you go to court, you may get his income imputed, but you'll spend tons of money, and it will take years from today, to maybe get his passport cancelled. At that point, he can decide to pay up what he owes you to get his passport back; or not pay and find another way to travel without the Cdn passport. It doesn't sound worth it to me.

                          All these deadbeat dads who leave Canada and go to work in countries that don't have enforcement agreements with Canada are the scum of the earth.

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                          • #14
                            All these deadbeat dads who leave Canada and go to work in countries that don't have enforcement agreements with Canada are the scum of the earth.
                            I think you need to walk in other people's shoes. You try working and giving up 2/3 of your income and see how you feel.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                              I think you need to walk in other people's shoes. You try working and giving up 2/3 of your income and see how you feel.
                              Deadbeat means you give 0/3 of your income. I dont need to walk in those shoes. Scum of the earth.

                              Comment

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