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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 05-28-2018, 02:23 PM
Knave Knave is offline
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Default Violin vs. Baseball

Looking for feedback.


Parent A has violin lessons scheduled Saturday morning. They cannot be moved, but happen regularly every second weekend. Missing the lesson would mean a month between lessons. Also means about $30 in thrown away lesson fees.


Parent B signed kid up for baseball. Generally, baseball occurs during parenting time of Parent B, but team photos are during parent A's time, during the violin lesson. Missing the photos would mean that kid misses out on a photo opportunity with the team. Also means about $20 in thrown away photo fees.


Parent A obviously doesn't have an obligation to bring the kid to baseball, but should parent A bring the kid to the baseball? Parent A values violin highly, and does not value baseball at all. Parent B values baseball highly, and does not value violin at all. Kid values both about equally.


I've tried to write this in a neutral fashion, so that I don't give away which parent is me. I want to know what others would do. There is another aspect to this which I will reveal in a bit if I get enough of a response.
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Old 05-28-2018, 02:27 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Its a photo. Kids miss them all the time.

Plus, one parent is not obligated to bring kid to an activity on their time.

It doesnt matter how the other parent feels about an activity. Their time their decision.

Parents who fight over this petty bs are ridiculous. Give your head a shake. If it was a recital or a championship game maybe but its a photo.
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Old 05-28-2018, 02:41 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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How old is the child? Let the child decide what the priority is for themselves, picture or violin lesson, then make it happen.
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Old 05-28-2018, 04:51 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if its a one time thing with the picture then why not? There may be a time when something for the violin is on the other parents time and may interfere with baseball. If parent A doesnt want to let the kid go to the photo then parent A should never expect parent B to cancel on a practice or game for a violin thing.

What times are the two things? Is there anyway that the kid can do both? It may mean some running around but if its workable why not?
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Old 05-28-2018, 06:42 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I'm pretty sure the violin lesson can be rescheduled and/or assignment (scales) be made. Kids get sick all the time and miss lessons and often there is opportunity to trade days with someone. I'd check with instructor.

Organizing a group for photos can be like herding elephants. Possibly a professional has been hired for the day so time is limited?

Photos and violin lessons shouldn't take more than an hour for either.

Parent A and B should check with their respective people and see if there is any flexibility.
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Old 05-28-2018, 09:05 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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This is going to happen from time to time whether divorced or not. Simetumes activities are going to overlap because of a special event or because there is a ciuplw of week overlap between dofferent seasons of activities. When this happens to my kids we either 1. Choose ghe more soecial or rare opportunity. Ex. A music re ital trumps a regular weekely activity. I would trump the sports photo over the regular eeekly lesson. Or if it 2 soe ial wvents or 2 routine events then i make the child decide, explainjng they will have to miss one or the other. Their activities, their decision.
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Old 05-28-2018, 09:11 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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The biggest problem in some of the responses itís itís turning into what the parents want. This is clearly a one time thing, should the child have some say regardless of what the parents want.
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Old 05-29-2018, 10:13 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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If I was parent A, I would probably look at this, as the photos being a one-time thing, and try to accommodate that, so that child is not left out of team photo.



It seems like some kind of arrangement could be made, to reschedule the one violin lesson, or if absolutely necessary, to just miss out on it entirely. The kid can always do some extra practice on their own for violin.


Often, team sport things, such as the photo days, etc, are pretty rigid, so it's probably easier to accommodate this for child, from the violin side moving around, or missing.
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Old 05-29-2018, 11:21 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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I agree with most the others here. The sports photo is likely the more difficult matter to reschedule and not being in the photo would have the more lasting impact. That said, both matters are minor in the grand scheme of things.


Should the violin parent refuse to accommodate here, I can see baseball parent being uncooperative in the future when the violin parent would like them to be accommodating for one of their activities.
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Old 05-30-2018, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
I agree with most the others here. The sports photo is likely the more difficult matter to reschedule and not being in the photo would have the more lasting impact. That said, both matters are minor in the grand scheme of things.


Should the violin parent refuse to accommodate here, I can see baseball parent being uncooperative in the future when the violin parent would like them to be accommodating for one of their activities.
Recitals are where Parent B is going to return the favor possibly.
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