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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 05-18-2018, 09:16 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Default Communication problems

Ex is mad at me for something he disagrees with me making a decision on during my parenting time. To retaliate, my kids are now heavily controlled with regards to when they can message or call me. They cant always ďfindĒ their phones, are forced to keep them in a central charging station where they donít always charge and are given excuse after excuse for why they canít message their mom. Right now I have not received a message from them when they are at his house for almost a month. One FaceTime during that whole time.

I have the kids for more than 60% of the time, but still think I am entitled to speak with our kids when at their dadís. Our agreement states that both parties are entitled to ďdaily messagesĒ from the children and that the parents will facilitate this. The kids, my daughter especially, have told me that they are super stressed about even asking to text me because they will guilt them and say ďwell donít you want to spend time with your dad?Ē. Iím wondering what to do here. I am angry at being denied but I am even more angry that the kids want to reach out to me and canít. Is this worth pursuing?


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  #2  
Old 05-18-2018, 09:33 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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I should also mention that I donít think daily conversations are necessary, but if the kids want to message a goodnight they should be able to and not fear asking to.


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Old 05-19-2018, 01:05 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I should also mention that I donít think daily conversations are necessary, but if the kids want to message a goodnight they should be able to and not fear asking to.


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My kids are with Their dad EOW. And they are continually denied phone access to me as well. I just want them to be able to call when they ask. The house phone is actually hidden from them. Wifi passwords are not aloud and they ďmisplacedĒ my sons old iPhone he was hoping to use to be able to message me.
I feel your pain. We are gearing up for court so this will defiantly be brought to light. A month with only one message is so awful. I would call their dad myself and ask to speak with the kids.


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Old 05-19-2018, 08:46 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I have the kids for more than 60% of the time, but still think I am entitled to speak with our kids when at their dadís.
The father is allowed to parent as he sees fit. You have them over 60% of the time... you are being ridiculous. They don't need contact with you, they need to be with their father.

You are also acting in an incredibly intrusive manner. You are not entitled to anything.

Quote:
Our agreement states that both parties are entitled to ďdaily messagesĒ from the children and that the parents will facilitate this.
I wouldn't hold my breath, those clauses have the validity of a deed to the Golden Gate Bridge.

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The kids, my daughter especially, have told me that they are super stressed about even asking to text me because they will guilt them and say ďwell donít you want to spend time with your dad?Ē.
This is not a conversation you should even be having with your kids. It is between the kids and their father. If they want to text, they can text. If he has a no texting rule, then there is a no texting rule. You are creating the stress by creating a texting expectation. Stop creating the expectation, and the stress will disappear.

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Iím wondering what to do here. I am angry at being denied but I am even more angry that the kids want to reach out to me and canít.
No, you are entitled and you are personally offended. This is about you, not your children. It is insanely selfish. Your kids could be relaxed and happy at their father but instead they have to worry about contacting you, and how you will feel and react when they don't contact you.

Let me reiterate: You are causing the problem, and your kids are suffering for it. Do you love your kids more than you love yourself? If you love your kids, stop this nonsense. If you love yourself, then keep on using your kids as pawns in this silly battle.

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Is this worth pursuing?
It probably is worth pursuing, you need to get a good beating in court to get over your sense of entitlement. It would truly help your children.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:20 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Did you even read this post??
Just because I have more than 60% it doesnít mean I am not entitled to communication with my kids. Youíre ridiculous if you think thatís justifiable. My daughter cried in front of me the other night and told me that she wishes she could text me but she is afraid to ask her dad and his girlfriend because she will get in trouble.
But thatís ok? Because she should forget about her mother because the timesharing isnít equal?
Give your head a shake Janus.
The thing is, there wasnít a problem before. Dad got mad at me because I made a decision on my parenting time he didnít agree with. He directly retaliated by denying me communication. There is direct correlation between the time that occurred and the time I stopped hearing from my kids.
I canít wait to hear how you will spin that one in their dadís favour though.


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Old 05-19-2018, 11:55 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Janus have you ever lost sight of the best interests of the children. Not of the parents or the father or the mother but the children! Itís not the fathers parenting time or the mothers parenting time. 100% of the parenting time belongs to the children. They happen to physically spend 60% with one parent and 40% with the other but itís their time with the parent not the parentís time with the child. Itís not about either parent. If the child is with the mother but wants to communicate with the father they should be allowed and not have to wait until they are physically with the father. Itís about the childís best interest not exclusive possession of the child for a specified period of time. The same applies if the child wants to talk to mom while at dads. This bone head move by dad to deny the child a few minutes communication with the mom will come back to bite him when the kids get older. They wonít forget ... and he will be the bad guy in their eyes because of it. His anger at mom is blinding him to the fact that by doing this he is damaging his relationship with his own children. They wonít remember any good times at his house because it will be overshadowed by the pain of his spiteful behaviour. Karma will get him and Karma will bear the name of his kids. Same applies if a mom were to do this and deny the kids any communication with the father when they were with her.
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Old 05-20-2018, 09:02 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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A) your ex is a jerk who likes to ďpunishĒ you for whatever he wants and that wont change.

B) you are the only one getting upset about it and he knows thatósee A

C) you are wasting your time asking the question here because you will only get reamed by people who dont share your view

Stop letting these minute things get to you. The kids are safe with their dad. So you dont get to talk to them, you will get through it. Sooner or later he will pull his head out of his ass or the kids will get old enough to tell him to get bent. Its not worth getting pissed about.
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Old 05-20-2018, 01:20 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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So my husbandís situation is a little different. Mom has the children the majority of the time and dad EOW... Dad will call and text the children and get zero response... when he does finally hear heís told the cell phone was dead. But when the children are with us even just for a weekend mom will text and call the kids and if they donít answer she questions Dad on it. So Dads expected to keep the childís cell charged all weekend but mom doesnít have to on her time. No sense getting mad at mom because nothing is going to change. There are times dad will be texting his son and after a couple minutes heís told he has to go because mom told him to get off his phone... kids know, they arenít stupid and a few days wonít hurt them. Sure it may upset them for the time being but really your kids will be okay despite dad being a jerk


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Old 05-20-2018, 02:35 PM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
A) your ex is a jerk who likes to ďpunishĒ you for whatever he wants and that wont change.

B) you are the only one getting upset about it and he knows thatósee A

C) you are wasting your time asking the question here because you will only get reamed by people who dont share your view

Stop letting these minute things get to you. The kids are safe with their dad. So you dont get to talk to them, you will get through it. Sooner or later he will pull his head out of his ass or the kids will get old enough to tell him to get bent. Its not worth getting pissed about.


Well donít we all run that risk when we post ANYTHING on here?! We all get reamed out by the people who donít share our view. I asked it to see what people have done in similar situations.
What is even the point of a separation agreement?? Jerk exes know that petty, ďminuteĒ things wonít be grounds for court, so they just get to freely be assholes to their children? It just sucks and is frustrating because (b above) no, I am not the only one getting upset by it...the kids are too.


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Old 05-20-2018, 02:40 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Well donít we all run that risk when we post ANYTHING on here?! We all get reamed out by the people who donít share our view. I asked it to see what people have done in similar situations.
What is even the point of a separation agreement?? Jerk exes know that petty, ďminuteĒ things wonít be grounds for court, so they just get to freely be assholes to their children? It just sucks and is frustrating because (b above) no, I am not the only one getting upset by it...the kids are too.


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Agreements are only worth the paper they are written on when it comes to laws... unless you have a reasonable ex. There are many clauses in many agreements that are not enforceable. It takes reasonable adults to follow unenforceable clauses. Unless you plan to go to court every time and fight again one of these clauses your best bet is to know what clauses are enforceable by law. You already have majority of time so itís unlikely dad will lose any time with the child, maybe he will be ordered to facilitate communication but again how do you enforce that? Focus on things you can control. Let your children know itís okay they donít have to contact you on Dads time, tell them to enjoy their time with their Dad and you will talk to them on your time.


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