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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 05-10-2018, 11:16 AM
Trix Trix is offline
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Default Hearts and Minds Vs. Legal

The Reality:

D11 and D13 stopped coming home September 2017.

OCL report is complete and now filed with court. There are things I can do to make things easier for our daughters, with primary focus being on validating their feelings as things go along.

As for OP

"this writer is also concerned about [OP's] role in the children's estrangement from their father and fears that she has not been properly facilitating the girls relationship with him.....1. OP does not "protect' [MY] parenting time as she consistently makes plans during [MY] parenting time. 2. OP has drawn the children into the conflict when she has spoken to others about the situation in the presence of the children 3. expresses her own views of [ME] in the presence of the children 4. Direct messaging about the deficits of [ME] 5. OP's contradiction in actions; seemingly following through with the CAS family plan while at the same time filing for sole custody"

"The writer is left wondering if the children's current estrangement from their father is actually linked to [OP] emotional response to [ME]"

OP is now refusing to adopt the OCL recommendations which include counselling for us, her and an immediate and gradual re-integration of the children into their home here and back into the relationships with all of the family they are now cut off from.

In response to a letter of offer to settle at least the initial joint counselling (New Ways Family) and adopt the re-integrative schedule, OP has states that our daughter's don't want that, that hopefully that will change but to please forward my updated financials to update CS.

Last week one daughter came home for a couple of hours. This morning the other asked me to walk her to school. When we are together it feels so normal again. It being left up to this haphazard is horrible though. A couple of hours in a month is what we average where it's left up to them to 'decide' when to spend time. This, while OP drags her heels (which is hard to do with your head in the sand), saying it's all just about what the children want......but hey, keep up the payments.

Stellar
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  #2  
Old 05-10-2018, 12:49 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Don't you already have court ordered 50/50 shared custody? What's stopping you from picking up the kids and telling them they are spending the week with you. Maybe your walking too much around eggshell with the kids, and have to be firmer with them.

Nothing much Mom can do if you do have a court order.
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Old 05-10-2018, 03:21 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Don't you already have court ordered 50/50 shared custody? What's stopping you from picking up the kids and telling them they are spending the week with you. Maybe your walking too much around eggshell with the kids, and have to be firmer with them.

Nothing much Mom can do if you do have a court order.
if I remember correctly there was an issue with him losing his temper and scaring the kids.
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Old 05-11-2018, 06:17 AM
Trix Trix is offline
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Ya, that`s absolutely true. I lost my temper around my daughters and it was a scary thing for them. That was leading into the end of 2016.

In February 2017 our daughters were both coming home every single normal day and returning to their mom's to sleep only with the CAS plan to re-introduce overnights.

CAS did not 'verify' any risk with them being with me and there have not been any outbursts or scenes of anger from me for them to witness.

Not only did OP resist the re-introduction of overnights, she filed for sole custody in June. It was after that, that our daughters started expressing resistance to coming home, saying they were again 'uncomfortable', though being able to articulate why to CAS, their counselor or anyone else.


All of that really doesn't mean much, but this does:

D13 'forgot her key' for her mom's, the other day, so she came home. I made her lunch and she challenged me to cards and walked me through her math homework. It was if nothing had changed and we laughed like she was still 5 years old

I spent some time with my younger daughter going for a snack and doing some shopping and she talked my ear off like nothing else.

Then I ran into them with their mom at the store. D13 jerked as if to say hi and then pulled back. D11 wouldn`t even make eye contact.

My outburst, a year and a half ago, was inexcusable and left them feeling cautious around me for some time. There is, however, a pretty obvious difference between who our daughter`s are with me when OP is, or is not around.
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