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  • #31
    My father took off on us back before FRO. He owes tens of thousands in child support. He worked under the table, with friends etc. meanwhile we lived on social assistance and paid our own way for everything. It took me a long time to get past my resentment and anger but i did. We have a relationship now and I dont discuss the past. He has suffered for his mistakes and i really have no desire to open old wounds. Does it suck, absolutely. Is it worth the battle to end up being disappointed again? Maybe. But you have to determine if its worth the mental and financial difficulty. Youll never get what you truly want and just end up hurting more. But if you do it, more power to you.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      My father took off on us back before FRO. He owes tens of thousands in child support. He worked under the table, with friends etc. meanwhile we lived on social assistance and paid our own way for everything. It took me a long time to get past my resentment and anger but i did. We have a relationship now and I dont discuss the past. He has suffered for his mistakes and i really have no desire to open old wounds. Does it suck, absolutely. Is it worth the battle to end up being disappointed again? Maybe. But you have to determine if its worth the mental and financial difficulty. Youll never get what you truly want and just end up hurting more. But if you do it, more power to you.
      I'd really like to get there, myself. He's a haunted, self-loathing man, which should be enough if I can just learn to let it go.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by crosbyfan View Post
        We went through this with my stepson.

        Biomom is in arrears $100,000 + (like others, its never been updated and that doesn't include interest).

        FRO is useless for enforcement (even when the Ombudsman lit a fire under them for us), since biomom either works under the table, works for cash or her latest stunt is claiming to be on Ontario Works (Welfare). Yes, she's had her driver's license suspended - she simply drives without it. Yes, she's had her passport taken away - simply applied for one under her maiden name and received it! People that will go to any lengths to avoid child support, like leaving the country, will not be deterred by simple inconveniences like losing their licenses and passports.

        Stepson did come up with the innovative idea of suing mom, due to the fact that he had to incur large OSAP loans for schools. (He was/is in the top biz school where tuition alone is $30,000+) we've paid way more than a third of his expenses and he has contributed a lot through scholarships and summer jobs.

        Stepson did consult a family law judge (casually during a golf game at our golf club) and the judge said he would likely win, but it would be a hallow victory, since if bio mom wasn't paying dad and going to such extreme lengths to avoid it, small claims court (stepson was planning on self repping) meant he could be awarded a cash amount, but there'd never be a way to collect.

        His dad and I strongly advised him against spending his time and energy in pursuit of maybe gaining a moral victory, but at what cost? Far better to spend his time investing in his future, rather than tilting at windmills that will never stay still.

        Let it go. Look towards your future, know that you may be out money, but your father lost out on much more.
        You made some really great, valid points. Thanks for taking the time.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by crosbyfan View Post
          We went through this with my stepson.

          Biomom is in arrears $100,000 + (like others, its never been updated and that doesn't include interest).

          FRO is useless for enforcement (even when the Ombudsman lit a fire under them for us), since biomom either works under the table, works for cash or her latest stunt is claiming to be on Ontario Works (Welfare). Yes, she's had her driver's license suspended - she simply drives without it. Yes, she's had her passport taken away - simply applied for one under her maiden name and received it! People that will go to any lengths to avoid child support, like leaving the country, will not be deterred by simple inconveniences like losing their licenses and passports.

          Stepson did come up with the innovative idea of suing mom, due to the fact that he had to incur large OSAP loans for schools. (He was/is in the top biz school where tuition alone is $30,000+) we've paid way more than a third of his expenses and he has contributed a lot through scholarships and summer jobs.

          Stepson did consult a family law judge (casually during a golf game at our golf club) and the judge said he would likely win, but it would be a hallow victory, since if bio mom wasn't paying dad and going to such extreme lengths to avoid it, small claims court (stepson was planning on self repping) meant he could be awarded a cash amount, but there'd never be a way to collect.

          His dad and I strongly advised him against spending his time and energy in pursuit of maybe gaining a moral victory, but at what cost? Far better to spend his time investing in his future, rather than tilting at windmills that will never stay still.

          Let it go. Look towards your future, know that you may be out money, but your father lost out on much more.
          Thanks for the post. This is so very true about those of us who think we can be vindicated (and awarded just costs etc) through family court system. You can get many court orders but collecting on them can be futile.

          However, I do know that when one gets older these liens and old litigation matters can be quite annoying when someone wants to start collecting their old age pension. 500.00/month today may mean nothing to the mother who is now "living large" but it will mean a great deal to her later in life when she is relying on old age security.

          Don't let these scoundrels off. Do your due diligence and get the orders filed and registered with the appropriate collection agencies. If the deadbeat wins a lottery they have to pay these sorts of debts before they can collect their winnings.... one never knows.

          Sometimes patience does pay off.

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          • #35
            You never let it go. But at some point you learn to step over it and keep walking forward. Entering into a court case that will kick you down and keep showing you what a bastard he is will be like an anchor holding you in place. Karma is an evil bitch and she will come back for him.

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