Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Don't want to go home

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #76
    Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
    FB:

    This is really nice to hear...congratulations.

    Aside from giving birth, divorce has been the most rewarding, happiest phase of my life also. I can honestly tell you that once you finally get in your own space...you'll feel like a new person. I remember the first night sleeping alone in my new little house...it was incredible!

    Congratulations on getting healthy too. I started doing that about 2 years prior to my separation. I decided that I needed to work on myself and began working out and weight training. In the time since then, I've not only kept up with it...but expanded my workouts and I'm physically healthier and stronger than I've ever been. There's nothing better than looking in the mirror and seeing muscle definition. Keep up with it....it really helps you manage stress getting through this long, tedious process.

    And good luck with dating...I can't say I was a big fan of dating but it led me to the perfect guy so it was worth it. You're gonna meet the perfect girl and you'll know it when you find her.

    Ignore your ex...she's moving on with her life too albeit insensitively. You are your children's father...and its nice that she has a new guy that's nice to your kids...too bad he isn't man enough to know his place. I think its always a shock when new relationships after divorce starts...ignore it...concentrate on you and your lovely children and soon you'll get used to the new normal. Don't let her get under your skin.

    Congrats!
    I try not to do too much dreaming about what might be one day. I do think about it but keep myself grounded. I have can only imagine what that feeling will be like, the weight off my shoulders, I'm sure it will be much better than I could ever dream. The last 19 months have been trying but in reality the past 32 months of my life have been less than pleasurable. That's a lot of time in one's life to waste.

    Anyway I'm staying the course trying not to let her get to me and doing what's best for my kids.

    Comment


    • #77
      Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
      Guilty as charged your honor. It wasn't for a quick shag, after years of a loveless marriage, I was hoping to find success and turn things around relationship wise. And I messed up, chosing someone who wasn't very stable, and ignoring all the red flags. And I learned a valuable lesson. I dare say some of us have to actually bash our heads against a wall ourselves instead of learning from others.
      The first relationship I did find was totally wrong, still fun, but the red flags were everywhere and I was stuck in the moment. She was not very stable emotionally and I finally had some attention that we all so desire. I had already decided that she was not really for me but kept it going longer than I should have. This having been my first dating experience since I was 17 was a huge eye opener. Dating in your 30's is not like dating as a teenager lol.

      I'm now about a month into my current relationship (not sure if relationship is the correct word) and I'm taking the less is more approach, but we both seem to be on the same page. I'm not sure where it will go or how it will end but I have set boundaries for myself as I know she has as well. We both lead very busy lives and seem content regarding a self and family comes first attitude.

      Comment


      • #78
        FB:

        I know you've had a long wait and have until May to get your motion heard...so you have my sympathies. I know what its like to be living life in limbo waiting for the process to move along.

        My advice is to make a list of things you want to do and instead of spending all your time waiting, start working on the parts that you can.

        During my in-home separation, I didn't have much money...but when I could, I would go out and buy something for my new house...or cut out the pictures of the things I wanted to get. I spent time working on getting my personal things organized for my new house. I scanned the family photos and made copies of the videotapes so I wouldn't have to worry about anything getting lost in the move. Lots of stuff like that...it made the wait a little more bearable.

        The dating thing definitely also helps because its a great distraction. I also joined a workout group on meetup.com and I met a new friend there that I still workout with today.

        The wierd thing about this whole process is that a lot seems to happen all at once..then there's nothing for a longggg time. I'm in the waiting phase right now...it truly sucks.

        I have to admit that I do dream. I dream of actually being divorced and being able to move on completely with my new life. Each passing day brings it a little closer.

        Comment


        • #79
          Originally posted by FB_ View Post
          The first relationship I did find was totally wrong, still fun, but the red flags were everywhere and I was stuck in the moment. She was not very stable emotionally and I finally had some attention that we all so desire. I had already decided that she was not really for me but kept it going longer than I should have. This having been my first dating experience since I was 17 was a huge eye opener. Dating in your 30's is not like dating as a teenager lol.

          I'm now about a month into my current relationship (not sure if relationship is the correct word) and I'm taking the less is more approach, but we both seem to be on the same page. I'm not sure where it will go or how it will end but I have set boundaries for myself as I know she has as well. We both lead very busy lives and seem content regarding a self and family comes first attitude.
          It would seem as if you have learned, which is I think a very good thing for both you and your new relationship. Putting family first is very important, and I wouldn't see anyone who didn't understand that immediately. My current relationship is with someone who has never been through a divorce, but she gets it.

          It is also a healthy sign if you both have things going on outside the relationship, gives you a chance to move with deliberate timing, instead of trying to fill your empty space with a new relationship. I have two nights a week singing, plus Sunday mornings, and around concert time extra rehearsals. I also take time to stay connected with my friends. My new GF has interests outside as well, some for her own enjoyment, some with her kids.

          Comment


          • #80
            Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
            FB:

            The wierd thing about this whole process is that a lot seems to happen all at once..then there's nothing for a longggg time. I'm in the waiting phase right now...it truly sucks.

            I have to admit that I do dream. I dream of actually being divorced and being able to move on completely with my new life. Each passing day brings it a little closer.
            Thankfully I got through that phase. I think you can date while in separation, but you always are waiting for another shoe to drop or another drama to begin. I didn't know if my ex would contest anything (even though she "wrote" 80% of the SA), or change her mind yet again or mess with the kids' heads.

            But you can use the time productively on you. I read a lot of books, did a lot of exercise. Thought a lot about what went wrong and where I could do better.Think about what is really important and what can make you happy. I had an old stereo stored away because I was using an ipod doc, and getting that set up and listening to music with good quality speakers again was a revelation. I bought an interface so I could plug my old turntable into my computer and transfer my vinyl to MP3.

            Keep yourself busy and be good to yourself.

            Comment


            • #81
              Just do what I keep threatening my kids with if they don't find me a nice home when I'm old and senile

              1. I will park my ass in a barca-lounger in your front yard (think the Uncle Buck chair)

              2. I will wear a yellowed wife beater and have a fat stogie hanging from my mouth.

              3. I will wear my "old man" shorts, so my ballsack hangs down.

              4. I will scratch myself and then offer them the hand I just scratched with while introducing myself as their father.

              Or something with a lack of pants is always a favorite.

              Comment

              Our Divorce Forums
              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
              Working...
              X