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Custodial mother wants MORE visitation for their son and non-custodial father

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  • Custodial mother wants MORE visitation for their son and non-custodial father

    Hi,
    I’m wondering what kind of issues people have dealt with in trying to get MORE access for the non-custodial parent. I realize this is a bit different than the norm ‘both parents fighting for custody/access and as much of it as possible’ but, in my case, I’d like for our son to have MORE access with his father. Our son is only 2.5 years old. We were never married, didn’t live together and broke up before I gave birth. To make matters even more tough, he lives on Chicago and I live in Ottawa. He saw our son for the first time when he was 10 months old and so far, has seen our son for a total of 20 hours. The last time he saw our son was 6 months ago.

    Here’s the issue. We are in the middle of litigation that HE brought forward, and yet, is delaying the process as much as possible, and has hardly seen his son at all. I’ve offered and offered and offered access but it doesn’t happen regularaly at all. In his court documents, he says that he plans to come to Ottawa every three months to see our son from Fri to Mon but that has not yet happened once. Like I said, the last time he saw him was 6 months and it was for one day only for 4 hours.I know there is distance between us, but, I’d like for our son to have MORE access with his father so that he can actually develop a relationship with him and know who he is. My issue is that his father seems to just want to drop in and drop out of his life when it suits his fancy and is convenient for him. I don’t think that is good for our son. I think his father should either be ‘in or out’, so to speak. Right now, he is a ‘fair-weather’ father that comes in and out of his life when he wants to. I know there is distance between us, so I don’t expect him to see him every other day (which would be ideal considering our son’s age) or every weekend but maybe every other weekend, or something that is at least consistent. Is that too much to ask? I’m concerned what kind of effect his current drop-in visitation for a few hours every few months will have on our son in future and I’m at the point where I’d like to say ‘shit or get off the pot’. I don’t think it’s in our son’s interests to have a father that immerses himself in his life when he wants to and then just as quickly plucks himself out of it for months at a time.

    Have people had any success in arguing for MORE access for the non-custodial parent?

    Or, what about the alternative, have people had success in stopping visitation because it is virtually non-existent and such limited contact is not in the best interests of the child? Or, do the courts take the position that any access, no matter how small, is beneficial to the child?

  • #2
    I don't think a court can force someone to exercise any or all access with a child. So its a nice arguement to make for the child(s), but will be fruitless if DAD simply isn't inerested.

    As well, as I understand, for the non-custodial parent there is something of a "use it or lose it" attitude regarding access. If Mom or Dad is completely uninterested and doesn't exercise access snd engage themself to the child(s) life - they may very well be forfeiting future access rights.

    I don't really beleive a judge would totally cut a parent out of a childs life in such a situation - more like that parent would be put in the postion where they must do all the heavy lifting when it comes to access.

    Comment


    • #3
      Your son's father may end up being more of an occasional favourite uncle type of relation to the boy, but that is still a loving relationship with a bond of some sort, to possibly build on in the future. No, it's not the best, but as your son grows, you may find that his father becomes more interested in him, and makes more of an effort.

      Try to think of him as a distant but beloved relative to your son, and instead of being disappointed when he isn't around as much as you think he should be, concentrate on being thankful and encouraging when he is able/willing to visit. Both your son and his father will feel that from you, and it will help a lot more to facilitate future visits than sensing frustration and disapproval will.

      Feeling forced to visit when he didn't want to, or maybe can't afford it but isn't willing to let on, will only bring bad feelings and make for a poor visit.

      Comment

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