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  • #61
    "I'm looking for a way to delicately speak with ex regarding the equal distribution of holiday access."

    I'm sorry man, but at what point has all of the positioning, posturing, and delicate wording actually done ANYTHING for you? Virtually everything that you have achieved has been through the motion.

    Almost every attempt at collaboration and compromise with your ex outside of the court process has ended in rejection.

    I'm not saying that you should stop communicating with her and attempting to get whatever time you can, I'm saying that you don't need to keep killing yourself with effort in terms of the wording.

    Keep it polite, keep it brief, and keep it direct. It doesn't matter how well you word it, she's going to be a she-beast and refuse it anyway. All that you need to do is make sure that the letter won't make you look like a nutcase in the courtroom.

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    • #62
      lF. If I could say one thing the one mistake we/you made was we allowed things get so far out of hand by playing the nice guy thinking if I play nice she well come around and play equal for the children's sake. But you and I have such a big heart ( all we want is to see the kids without a fight) that we let them walk all over us and we played stupid not thinking that they are after more/all they can and they well use the kids to get what they want They want full control. I believe you/I should have went to court right off the hop but no we wanted to try save some money with mediation or thinking one day they well see the same colours we but the truth to the matter is the type of women we married are after two things control and money. That's why I say we/you should of filed for full court decisions right from day one Instead we sit here with broken hearts to see our children and empty pocket books on rediculs emails lawyer to lawyer that got no WHERE!

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by childrenand happy View Post
        lF. If I could say one thing the one mistake we/you made was we allowed things get so far out of hand by playing the nice guy thinking if I play nice she well come around and play equal for the children's sake. But you and I have such a big heart ( all we want is to see the kids without a fight) that we let them walk all over us and we played stupid not thinking that they are after more/all they can and they well use the kids to get what they want They want full control. I believe you/I should have went to court right off the hop but no we wanted to try save some money with mediation or thinking one day they well see the same colours we but the truth to the matter is the type of women we married are after two things control and money. That's why I say we/you should of filed for full court decisions right from day one Instead we sit here with broken hearts to see our children and empty pocket books on rediculs emails lawyer to lawyer that got no WHERE!
        Can't deal with the woulda, shoulda, coulda's my friend. There's a whole future in front of us. I have to play my cards right. Every caselaw I've ever read where dad won sole (or mom didn't get sole when seeking it)
        ...it was mainly because of sticking to the facts, being reasonable and attempting every avenue to stay out of court (mediation, OTS's).
        As a bonus about 90% of them got costs as well.

        Now having said that I have to agree with Strait, in that, I've become a little overly focused on my wording. This is a product of my every syllable being ripped to shreds, turned against me and almost reworded by shark LAO lawyer. Don't fotget that if I put "XOXOXO" at the end of a letter to my mom that it means I'm in to incest. (According to OP).

        Mr. T. is right, an OTS should come right before the motion offering that I will abandon the motion of she agrees to discuss holiday access, Dr's and school.

        Will she reject it? Yes. She'll say there's no point .. that we simply disagree. If that's the case then at least the judge will see that I'm trying everything to stay out of court (reasonable, resolution-focused one).
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-08-2015, 06:53 AM.

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        • #64
          Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
          For the upcoming Motion....I think one of the primary reason for doing it was you wanted to change access ....and the reason for the change (of circumstances) is a new job (you got the schedule you asked for, so too bad)
          After being denied March Break, Family Day, requests for summer access etc we realized that she wasn't going to allow holiday access. We didn't anticipate that .. is our case at next motion.

          A HUGE issues at this motion is School. D4 should be allowed this opportunity. Ex says no.

          Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
          Remember a Judge doesn't care (that much) on how you do your access, so your crap access schedule to him/her was/is good enough until a Trial.

          It's the hostile manner Goldilocks went about offering to HELP you with your job by getting rid of daycare along with 4 hours of your time.

          It's her manipulation (by a victim no less)
          See you know that . .and I know that .. I just hope a judge can see that.

          I'm also glad she's not harping about "changing D4's ROUTINE on Father's Day" (since its her weekend and all). I guess ex decides when its good and not good to change up her routine.

          Also, I offered that ex can makeup that time (FD) on the following Wednesday (St Jean Baptiste) when surely she will be in QC. I doubt she'll take it. That would mean she's doing the "make up time thing" (normal in separations). But again, that would disrupt D4's schedule.

          How about we get D4's schedule structured and consistent with SCHOOL and not bi-daily trips to QC in the car. Soon D4's not going to even know where she lives.

          You're uncomfortable? GREAT!! Exchanges done at the school. Hell, we don't even have to see each other.

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          • #65
            Double post
            Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-08-2015, 07:51 AM.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by stripes View Post
              How about something using an alternate-year format, with precise times for when each parent's time begins and ends:


              Dear Mom,

              Going forward, I would like to propose that we settle on a holiday plan for Kid, independent from Kid's regular residence pattern. I suggest that Kid's holiday time should be spent equally with each parent, so that the holiday schedule will take precedence over Kid's regular residence pattern. To that end, I propose the following schedule:

              Mother's Day: Kid will be with Mom from 5.00 on the day preceding Mother's Day t0 9.00 the day following Mother's Day.

              Father's Day: ...

              Christmas: In even-numbered years, Kid will be with Mom from 5.00 Christmas Eve until 5.00 Christmas Day. In odd-numbered years, Kid will be with Dad from ...

              Family Day: In even numbered years, Kid will be with Dad from 5.00 ...

              Thanksgiving:

              Halloween:

              Kid's Birthday:

              Mom's Birthday:

              Dad's Birthday:

              March Break: Could either split it in half (Dad gets first half in even numbered years, Mom gets first half in odd-numbered years) or alternate years (Dad gets whole break, Mom gets whole break)

              Summer vacation: In even-numbered years, Mom will have three consecutive weeks with Kid in July for extended vacation (Mom will advise Dad as to which weeks she wants by April 15 of that year) and Dad will have three consecutive weeks in August (same notification deal). In odd-numbered years, Dad gets July and Mom gets August

              If you would like to suggest alternatives or modifications to this proposal, please let me know. I would like to settle the holiday schedule between the two of us, even though we may not be able yet to come to agreement on other matters.

              Sincerely,

              Dad
              This is good and you do need to spell things out clearly, times are important with the ex you are dealing with.

              One change I would make is the 3 weeks consecutive in summer. While I understand the reasoning behind this suggestion, I think 3 weeks is too long to be away from either parent.

              When my fiance first separated from his ex wife, they did two weeks consecutive in the summer. This was hard on the kids because it usually ended up being almost 3 weeks due to how the weekends fell. For 4 years now we have been doing week about in the summer and it has worked very well and the children enjoy it.

              Just a thought on my part. My fiance's holiday schedule is as follows,

              Mother's day weekend with Mom, father's day weekend with Dad

              Summer: Two weeks in July & two weeks in August

              Thanksgiving, Easter & March break: alternate each year... Dad gets March Break & Thanksgiving in odd years, and Easter in Even years, Mom is opposite

              Children's Birthday: Stay with the parent they are with, but other parent gets access the day before or after

              Make sure you spell things out exactly how you want them.

              Comment


              • #67
                Keep in mind that Xmas is a 2 week school holiday. We split it in half (8 days each), so that each year I get Xmas OR new years eve.

                Comment


                • #68
                  She going to ignore e-mail. Send it, print it, put it in an envelope and hand it to her at pick up and/or place a copy in an envelope sealed but stapled to a page of comms book.

                  Add in a start time and day for vacations. We have choice of 3 weeks but limit of 2 consecutive all depends on age of child. That can be another item to add by age X add in 4 weeks each...etc.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Oh and keep on with the motion.

                    She will agree to meet up but in the end will not agree to anything and you will be back to square one.

                    Mediation can happen right at the court house at the time of the motion and then Judge can indorse what has come out of the mediation, right then and there.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      We actually have a nice outline of division of holidays in our Notice Of Motion. Perhaps I should stick to those in my letter.

                      So ex actually accepted my offer for me to have her Sunday Fathers Day for my Wednesday (both noon - 8am next day). The Wednesday is St Jean Baptiste and I knew she'd like that. (Awww .. I'm always thinking about her). Honestly, its a nice celebration in QC and D4 would probably enjoy it .. thats all that matters.

                      Her response (actual response)

                      Hi LF32

                      Thanks for the offer to switch days with me. I would definately be okay with that. So Sunday the 21st you will have D4 from noon until Monday 22nd at 8am and I will have her through until Friday the 26th visit at 4:00. Therefore taking over your Wednesday's usual visit.

                      Thanks again
                      Further exemplifying that we can resolve things for joint custody. A pretty good lil' negotiation between us given all of the "victim feces".

                      One thing though. She now states that I will have D4 at 4:00pm every other friday (for the weekend) instead of 5. Why? Because she's still on this sitter thing. So that's 2 hours/biweekly she's giving me. Will it bite me in the a$$ that I'm not giving in on Wednesdays?
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-08-2015, 05:29 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        She now states that I will have D4 at 4:00pm every other friday (for the weekend) instead of 5. Why? Because she's still on this sitter thing. So that's 2 hours/biweekly she's giving me. Will it bite me in the a$$ that I'm not giving in on Wednesdays?
                        Is she saying you have to pick her up later on Wednesdays? Take the extra hour. In a couple of weeks it won't matter.

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                        • #72
                          Ok so you had to give up a day to get a day that you should already be getting and She uses the term visit that is telling on is own.

                          It is not co-parenting if you have to give up days for D4 to get time with her father and that is how you know it is posturing for court.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by paris View Post
                            Is she saying you have to pick her up later on Wednesdays? Take the extra hour. In a couple of weeks it won't matter.
                            She's asked if I could pick D4 up at 4:00pm Wednesdays because she didn't like that D4 was with my family instead of her (noon - 4). I agreed that I'd pick her up at 4:00pm and make those 4 hours up on a weeknight (supper, movie, activity).

                            She slammed me ..saying changing the routine wasn't in her best interests.

                            So now she's having the exchanges an hour early Fridays (4:00pm instead of 5)
                            I'm definitely taking the hour. Just curious why she suddenly desired to give me an extra hour on Fridays (while arguing about my work hours on Wednesdays).
                            Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-08-2015, 08:42 PM. Reason: spelling

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                            • #74
                              The term "Visit"

                              Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                              Ok so you had to give up a day to get a day that you should already be getting and She uses the term visit that is telling on is own.

                              It is not co-parenting if you have to give up days for D4 to get time with her father and that is how you know it is posturing for court.
                              Yes..this "visit" term has been starting to show up frequently in the communication book. I hate the term. I always explain to D4 that she has 2 homes. I'd never describe a trip to her mom's as a visit. Or how about when ex writes that she's "giving" or "allowing" me time with D4 .. more terminology I detest in the comm. book.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                                Oh and keep on with the motion.

                                She will agree to meet up but in the end will not agree to anything and you will be back to square one.

                                Mediation can happen right at the court house at the time of the motion and then Judge can indorse what has come out of the mediation, right then and there.
                                Very true although dont think my ex would even make it to the mediation table. A flat rejection .. that would further reinforce the necessity of the motion, but more importantly, it would show that I would have much rather have at least chatted with her about things before being in court. I'm thinking it would sit well with a judge as well.
                                Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-08-2015, 08:52 PM.

                                Comment

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