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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 07-26-2021, 01:09 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default Tips on Transitioning Young Kids between Two Homes?

Someone please tell me the transitions get easier?

D4 comes back from her dad's place strung out like a junkie finished a three day bender. By that I mean lack of sleep.

There are tantrums and battles because I won't let her watch her ipad until she falls asleep. And at least a couple hours of "I like dada's house better. He doesn't have your rules"...etc etc.

I know the standard line of "Dad's house has Dad's Rules, and Mom's house has Mom's Rule". But is there anything that can be done to help little ones transition between two homes?

I've asked politely to discuss syncing her bedding time routine through email. But no response from other parent....so.....prayer hands emoji?
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Old 07-26-2021, 01:38 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I doubt you will get buy in so think of alternate plans.

What would you do if this was coming home from grammas? Would you compromise?

What is the harm with offering ten minutes of ipad or something else to divert her attention? Youve got a few years to go before she grows into an age where you may be able to reason.
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Old 07-26-2021, 06:55 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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It seems like you are drawing a very arbitrary line in the sand.

I would just relax the iPad rule on the first day back. Make that the rule. ("You are allowed x minutes of iPad time on the day you come back, but then no iPad time).

If you really do not want her to play iPad, then have some sort of alternative routine in place. You cannot just say "no" and expect awesome compliance. Play a game with her. Take her on walks. Read together.

Yes, all my suggestions take time, but that is the cost you will have to pay if this iPad thing really matters to you.

Talking to your ex is not going to help. Nothing you have said on this forum would lead me to believe that you guys have a cooperative parenting relationship.
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Old 07-27-2021, 10:16 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Thank you both for the suggestions.

I used the ipad matter as an example really. I guess the bigger question is just how to help little kids- above toddlers, but younger than older kids (say 7-10yr olds)- how to help them understand the transition between two homes with different expectations. And I don't even mean one home is more strict, etc...just different styles of discipline, parenting, etc etc...
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Old 07-27-2021, 10:26 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
It seems like you are drawing a very arbitrary line in the sand.

I would just relax the iPad rule on the first day back. Make that the rule. ("You are allowed x minutes of iPad time on the day you come back, but then no iPad time).
She definitely does get to use the ipad. I am not a "no screen time" household. Just not after wind down time....I find it keeps her up longer if she gets screen time in the 30min or so before bedtime. I just get a lot of "but dada lets me and it doesn't bother me, etc etc"...but she's also at Dad's on the weekend- so if she sleeps in, no big deal.

Quote:
If you really do not want her to play iPad, then have some sort of alternative routine in place. You cannot just say "no" and expect awesome compliance. Play a game with her. Take her on walks. Read together.

Yes, all my suggestions take time, but that is the cost you will have to pay if this iPad thing really matters to you.
yeah- we do all that. We eat dinner a bit earlier on Sundays and usually do a half movie night. It's just the transition. By day 2 she's okay...but here's the kicker- she starts mid-week overnights this fall; and so she'll be transition between households a lot. And I get that it will get easier with time- everything has when working out the parenting thing....I just am trying to figure out some way to make it "easier'...I wonder if I can try hypnosis on children?

Last edited by iona6656; 07-27-2021 at 10:29 AM.
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Old 07-27-2021, 10:29 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I doubt you will get buy in so think of alternate plans.

What would you do if this was coming home from grammas? Would you compromise?

What is the harm with offering ten minutes of ipad or something else to divert her attention? You�ve got a few years to go before she grows into an age where you may be able to reason.
Nope, no buy in. If I say anything more to him- he'd probably go to the extreme and feed her candy + ipad at bedtime.

I feel like grandmas house v. dad's house is a bit different though? I mean- grandma is good times. Dad is supposed to be the other parent who also makes the rules, etc.

I guess the issue is less about dad's house rules- and more about helping kids figure out and transition between two very disparate households. But I'm guessing that we'll just have to tough it out for a while.

Thank you for the input.
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Old 07-27-2021, 01:27 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Shes little and at the age where she is trying to understand her emotions. I know my nieces and nephews struggled with life at age 4 and the transition between baby and kid. You need to approach it as a transition between the transition. As much as you want to enforce your rules and schedules, sometimes you have to modify. Its no different if something happened at your house and her schedule was off.

Dad will do his business and you do yours. Just remember that things dont always go accordingly to plan.
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Old 07-27-2021, 03:58 PM
Alpinist Alpinist is offline
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My kids are older and we do a 5225 schedule. I would prefer week on, week off, however my ex seems very opposed to this. I find the same as you, that the kids are crankier on the transition day. This hasn't changed in 7 years for us. I schedule their music lessons on the day after the transition so the kids can settle in. Just having a boring, easy day helps out, with nothing scheduled. An easy meal on the transition day also helps, for my sanity as well, lol.
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Old 07-28-2021, 12:54 PM
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As cheesy as this may sound:

https://www.amazon.ca/Moms-House-Dad...948/ref=sr_1_2

https://www.amazon.ca/Moms-House-Iso...787/ref=sr_1_1

https://www.amazon.ca/Living-Mom-Dad...693/ref=sr_1_3

All three are good books and I recommend them to folks a lot.
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Old 07-28-2021, 02:01 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Any or all three of these would make a great Christmas or birthday gift to your ex.
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