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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 07-11-2021, 02:07 PM
je15 je15 is offline
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Hi all.
I am looking for advice. I share 50/50 residency and joint custody of my two children. My ex is a high conflict, narcissistic personality (she probably thinks the same as me). We currently communicate through text. I communicate very minimal towards her, only things directly relating to the kids. She will constantly text random things which she believes relates to the kids, however does not. Ie. Most recently, who my daughter can have play dates with when she’s in my care. This is emotionally and mentally abusive to me.
In reading some posts on here, I’m starting to believe We need use the our family wizard app.

Does anyone have experience with the app? Particularly for situations such as mine.
How do I go about initiating conversation with my ex about using the app.

I feel like the app might be a “barrier” to wrangle in her behavior.

Side info - we have a court order in place since March 2020.
Thanks. J

Last edited by je15; 07-11-2021 at 02:15 PM. Reason: Addition
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Old 07-11-2021, 04:59 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by je15 View Post
Hi all.
I am looking for advice. I share 50/50 residency and joint custody of my two children. My ex is a high conflict, narcissistic personality (she probably thinks the same as me). We currently communicate through text. I communicate very minimal towards her, only things directly relating to the kids. She will constantly text random things which she believes relates to the kids, however does not. Ie. Most recently, who my daughter can have play dates with when shes in my care. This is emotionally and mentally abusive to me.
In reading some posts on here, Im starting to believe We need use the our family wizard app.

Does anyone have experience with the app? Particularly for situations such as mine.
How do I go about initiating conversation with my ex about using the app.

I feel like the app might be a barrier to wrangle in her behavior.

Side info - we have a court order in place since March 2020.
Thanks. J

Nothing will stop her from communicating with you by text. Your best bet it to simply tell her straight out to stop texting you and then ignore it. You may also want to look into blocking texts from.

High conflict personalities tend to continue behaviour that causes the other person trouble.
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Old 07-11-2021, 07:33 PM
je15 je15 is offline
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Thank you rockscan.

I wondered if all this work would ultimately do nothing.
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Old 07-11-2021, 09:46 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Originally Posted by je15 View Post
Thank you rockscan.

I wondered if all this work would ultimately do nothing.

In most cases you need to just ignore. My husbands ex used to send obnoxious emails at 10 pm Sunday nights. He would get anxious all day and dread it. We finally worked through ignoring it and also telling her he wouldnt respond to the unnecessary garbage. The ignoring worked best.

OFW is expensive and she will avoid using it if she is intent on bossing you around. Being firm and telling her the messages are unnecessary and abusive will set a boundary and then you just ignore. If its an emergency, she can call you.
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Old 07-12-2021, 07:35 AM
je15 je15 is offline
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Hi rockscan,

I have tried that in the past and even mentioned to the ex that i wouldn’t be responding to communication that doesn’t directly affect the children, but she seems to vear back into things in her mind “sorta” involve the kids. And she tells me I have to respond because it makes it look like she can’t co-parent with me. We have had the same residency for 26 months, so I don’t think I’m concerned with ever losing any access.

Is this just false allegations on her end. Best case - I can do what your husband does and she’ll just “fizzle” out.
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Old 07-12-2021, 08:24 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Then you are just going to have to ignore her. She is going to go off no matter what and ignoring her is the only thing you can do.

I liken it to a toddler throwing a tantrum. Do you try to reason with them or make them do what you want or do you ignore and redirect? Treat her like a toddler and ignore it.

Youve got a lot more years of dealing with this woman. Let her say whatever she wants. When she tells you that she cant coparent tell her coparent isnt one parent telling the other what to do all the time.
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Old 07-12-2021, 10:12 AM
arbortrail22 arbortrail22 is offline
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I have one email address dedicated to communications with the ex wife. I don't have this email connected to my phone or inbox of other emails. I will go check this email address every 3 or so days. I've requested that all communicated be through this email address and not over text. If there is an emergency, then call or text. Or for small items- like "I'm here." Its very helpful to choose when you deal with the drama instead of having it come into your life at all times in the day and night
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Old 07-12-2021, 03:22 PM
je15 je15 is offline
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Thanks rockscan- you provide great feedback throughout this site.

Arbor - great idea - that thought has crossed my mind as well. Puts some control back in my pocket.
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Old 07-15-2021, 10:16 AM
cleanSlate cleanSlate is offline
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Is there likely a need to present these emails in court? If yes, then get OFW, it just makes things a bit easier.
If not then it is up to you.

I don't know you or your ex or what you are communicating so I am not about give an opinion on that.

As far as communicating....just don't get dragged into anything. There is nothing wrong with them providing an opinion when it comes to raising your child. COVID makes opinions of who kids play with relevant so does "I would rather our child not play with that other child after school because they will get our child into trouble" or "Giving the kids nutella sandwiches every day and letting them stay up until 1am in not good for them". Almost nothing is more frustrating than a good parent asking a sh*t parent to do a better job. You can tell them nicely that it is OK you have it under control or simply "hey that is good insight, I will consider that" and then following up.
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