does it matter who serves who?

[rustedinnocence]

I have heard that if you are the plaintiff, the odds are much more in your favour than if you are the defendant... any one with any odds or knowledge regarding this?
I ask because my lawyer is working on stuff...but not an application yet, and this week i found out that she is sick and won't be looking at my file for a bit... I found out that my ex has a lawyer as well (but won't tell me their name....go figure - doesn't matter, i still gave him my lawyers name)
Anyway, I have heard that YOU want to be the one starting the application, so that you are the plaintiff and they are the defendant.
Thoughts?.....

[dadtotheend]

Some people subscribe to that thoery. I don't think it matters, especially the longer things drag out.

[tugofwar]

One reason I remember is if you start the court application, you are the applicant. You will file your 1st part of the application, your ex will respond, then you have an upper hand as to reply to his issues.

[InterprovincialParents]

I subscribe to the theory that you are better off being the applicant. But then, I think the whole adversarial system needs to be re-vamped to a less acrimonious venue than the current "win-lose" system

[rustedinnocence]

So it seems the consensus so far is that being the 'applicant' is where you would like to be if given a choice... (I hope the timing with my lawyer will allow me to become that – I need all the help I can get dealing with my ex)
....and i completely agree that the system needs an overhaul and a way to become less discordant.... that could be quite difficult though when you have so many different personality types and they all think 'their' way is the right way.
I have asked my ex at least 6 different times to please sit down with me and see a mediator together to try and come to a mutually fair agreement – where both parties can be seen and heard... & have the agreed upon offer in writing that neither can back out of... he flatly refused stating that there is no need for a mediator. I can take what he offers …. End of story.
When I flip and turn it around saying, “ok, if your offer is that fair, then I’ll offer you the same thing”, he won’t accept it…. BUT WE DON’T NEED A MEDIATOR APP
Awe – I just have to laugh and shake my head or fear braking apart at inopportune times….
….what an emotional rollercoaster this is – I want off the ride! If nothing else, I’m going to try my hardest to get this over quickly.

Peace and serenity – what is that again?

[InterprovincialParents]

that could be quite difficult though when you have so many different personality types and they all think 'their' way is the right way.

Mediation is NOT for you if you cannot even discuss anything...skip it altogether and save yourself the $300-$1000 bill...most sucessful mediation takes 2-6 sessions of 1 hr, and the hourly rate can be anywhere from about $170.00 up to $300.00...it can become a hefty amount of money thrown away if parties are not willing to negotiate.

Mediation is there for people who are still open, can still communicate, and are willing to make compromises. This does not sound like what you described.

Another option would be arbitration, where you both submit to an arbitrator what you want, and that professional decides it for you. It is faster than courts, and less strife. However, often people are not pleased with an arbitral award, and end up in court afterward, regardless.

Both mediation and arbitration cost similar, and are often a standard clause in a divorce order for future conflict resolution. Don't allow the clause in an Order unless you can successfully and professionally deal with your ex, and he or she with you...

[logicalvelocity]

I think there's pros and cons to "who serves who" depending on the issues. Adding a party is the variable.

[rwm1273]

It depends on if it was a surprise or not.

I refused to file first, because I hoped that we could have gone to counseling and save the marriage.

After the first application, it really makes no difference if you are the plaintiff or the defendant.

However who ever is the applicant, has a bit of an advantage because they get a second chance at an affidavit to counter the respondent's affidavit.