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  • First Case Conference coming in 2 weeks

    We are scheduled for our first case conference in two weeks and I want to be prepared and proactive. What do I need ?

    I'm applying for sole custody - he wants joint and shared parenting.
    I am also asking for supervised access to continue (after his arrest in March for purchasing drugs while in a caregiving role) and because our child has said she does not want to see him alone because "she is afraid to be alone with her father because he may yell at her but she knew if someone was there he would not." amongs other reasons.

    Question1 : To show the judge why it would be in our childs best interest to stay with me - do I need to show I am the best and most fit parent and am doing everything in my child's best interest to give her stability and a good and healthy enviornment?

    Tell me if I'm on the right track by bringing these to CC.
    1. I'm working on a parenting plan for our child to show what I currently am/can offer to our child.
    2. Bring documentation to show what I have done with my daughter re her homework, and that he has not done his part regarding her schoolwork, projects, etc. and I had to complete them with her when she came home to me. (from Nov -mid Mar 2009 we had shared parenting).
    3. School end report card states she's more focussed at school because of the more stable environment.
    4. Summary report from Yellow Brick House Counsellor for our child which says besides the verbal and psychological abuse she's suffered, our child does not want to see her father unsupervised. How much weight does this have at the CC level ?
    5. I have to go to CINOT to get dental coverage because he cancelled our medical/dental coverage and she needs to get extractions and work done.
    6. That being part of our faith, we go to church every Sunday, and during the times prior when he had access to her - he refused her requests to go to church to pray.
    7. I have more support evidence.

    QUESTION 2
    Is this going to be enough to provide my case and at the case conference, can the judge rule for sole custody then ? (or what are the chances of at least getting temporary sole custody)

    QUESTION 3
    Will the judge be able to order for the ex to help give at least some kind of child support ? He has not given anything.

    QUESTION 4
    I have recordings of his conversation with my daughter - can that be used as evidence to the judge ? She refuses to speak with him without me acting as a buffer to step in if the conversation becomes too intense or uncomfortable for her.

    QUESTION 5
    Should I produce letters from witnesses stating what they know/seen first hand as facts to present to the judge at CC to be shown as evidence of his abuse of my daughter (and myself). They are willing to appear and testify on my daughter's behalf and show his unco-operative attitude regarding our daughter's needs..e.g. witholding her clothes that he had in his keeping and refusing to give them to her making it conditional upon her calling him. I had to go out and buy clothes rather than having her be subject to his controlling behaviour.
    They are also witness to him being antagonistic towards me in front of her and making our child witness to that antagonism and agressiveness still. Everything with him is a fight.

    Help me please. What do I need to do to make sure that I bring all the right things to the CC table to the judge so things can be decided at least pertaining to my daughter. I know he will fight me on the custody - but can the judge at least grant me temporary given the facts ?

    I have also asked that we sell the matrimonial home and divide the property assets.

    QUESTION 6.
    The Ex has asked that we go for family counselling. I told my lawyer that I was not comfortable with it given his abuse of both of us, and also that twice when we had marriage counselling - the first time he walked out, the second time he said he "just wanted it on record" that he had attended.

    She has advise me that it would not be looked favourably by the courts if I did not agree. Is that true ?
    I told her that I would consider it after talking with my daughter's counsellor to see what she believes would be in our child's best interest.

    QUESTION 7
    When I originally filed, I shuddered at the Divorce word, and only wanted to do the separation. Can I add that at the case conference. There will be no reconciliation.

  • #2
    I see that you are being represented by a lawyer, that's good. As far as a case conference, it really is just to address the problems, see if anything can be resolved at the time or if more information is needed/paper work etc.
    The judge cannot make final decisions, nor can grant you sole custody.

    Question 1- yes best bring up why you are the better parent- all that paperwork not sure if the judge will even look at that, might be better to save it for later incase it goes to trial.

    Question 2-
    No the judge cannot make any orders but if you are able to agree on some issues with your ex such as support, access and custody at which time ( called Minutes of settlement) they can be turned into a temporary (interim) order.
    I was lucky that my ex willingly agreed to give me custody of our child ( all my lawyer said was that I was not going to budge on that)

    Question 3- Im not sure if the judge can force this, what reasoning does ex have for not paying support? That will NOT go over well with the judge!!! Do you know what his income is?

    Does your ex have a lawyer?

    Did you start the application to go to court? That will work in your favor because after you file your application, ex will send an answer and you get a chance to reply. Works in your favor
    Last edited by tugofwar; 07-30-2010, 04:01 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree with Tugofwar on those questions.

      After the case conference you may then file a motion for an order for child support and this will be forced on him. You can't, as I understand it, file a motion until after the first case conference (except emergency motions which are very different).

      Question 4, you may not legally record a conversation unless you are a party to that conversation. If your ex thought he was speaking privately to his child and you recorded a telephone call, you broke the law and it is not admissible. If this was a conversation you were a part of, you may record it. In most cases the judge does not want to listen to recordings. It's usually suggested to get a transcript of the recording, have it notarized as accurate and include the relevent text with an affidavit. Above all, evidence has to be relevent. What is the point you are trying to make, what part of your application does this support? These are questions you have to ask yourself about everything you want to include.

      Question 5. Any testimony or a sworn affidavit (more common than getting people to testify) has to be first hand witness. You cannot submit hearsay. You cannot have people testify that told by someone else, or by you, that such and such happened. If they were witnesses, then you should get them to swear an affidavit. This should have been submitted as evidence with your application, although you will have other opportunities. You should not try to obtain evidence specificly for your case conference, it is not a trial, it is more of just a conversation. However if your ex is claiming something in his brief that you can prove to be a lie, then by all means bring evidence of that.

      As to him being antagonistic, the reality is that people fight, especially when they divorce. You would have to show that this behaviour was very extreme. As far as him wanting to keep her clothes, he will say that he has every right to keep clothes for when she stays with him (I realize you are fighting this, but he will explain it so that it seems reasonable.)

      Question 6. The courts prefer that you take steps to avoid going to court before you sue them. They like it if you try counselling, they like it if you make reasonable offers, they like it if you try mediation. Court should be last resort, not a first resort. However if your lawyer felt you had sufficient reason to file an application in the first place, then going or not going to counselling isn't going to make much difference now.

      Question 7. If you reach a settlement at the case conference, especially concening the child and support, then the judge could offer to give you a divorce on the spot. Generally you should get a settlement first, then divorce, or file to sever the divorce from other issues. Once you settle or have a final order from trial, then divorce is actually the easiest part of all this.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by E-Gal View Post
        5. I have to go to CINOT to get dental coverage because he cancelled our medical/dental coverage and she needs to get extractions and work done.
        Why in the world would he cancel medication/dental coverage for your child.... get on him for that! Include that he provide extended health coverage for your child...
        and possible life insurance is also a smart thing to do

        Originally posted by E-Gal View Post

        Ex has asked that we go for family counselling.
        I wouldn't worry about that right now. You have valid reasons for not going forth with that right now. From my experience, it's just a tactic people use to say they requested it and bring it up that you rejected their attempts. Happened to me regarding mediation

        Comment


        • #5
          Great advice!

          I just wanted to add that although it's not likely that the judge will make a final order at the case conference, it is possible. The judge will listen to what both sides want and provide you with what he or she things is best for the child, given what information was provided and what the law states. If the two parties can then agree on the issue, the details will go into the minutes of settlement (drafted by the two of you and your lawyers) and the judge will endorse it. If it all sounds reasonable and within the law and both parties agree, the judge can turn that into a final order. [This happened to us at our very first case conference, and we still follow the majority of that order.]

          If there are any disagreements on major issues, the judge will likely grant a temporary order to be revisited at your settlement conference and order that the parties disclose further information.

          Good luck to you!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re : If ex has lawyer - yes he does.
            Yes I put the application to court. He did give his answer, however by the time my lawyer gave me his answer it was about a month later, and when I asked her why we did not refute/reply to his answer - she said that they normally don't do it.

            Comment


            • #7
              [quote=tugofwar;44847]Why in the world would he cancel medication/dental coverage for your child.... get on him for that! Include that he provide extended health coverage for your child...
              and possible life insurance is also a smart thing to do

              REPLY He did this because I was the one using the medical coverage the most. I had $2700 in bills but only had to pay $ 45 under their plan. My laywer said there was nothing that I could do to get him to re-instate that for my child or myself. Could the judge not order him to re-instate it. He did it out of spite(and told me too he would always cover for his daugher but for me - "sorry there will be no coverage") BTW, he did not get coverage for our daughter either.

              Comment


              • #8
                Constructive thinking.


                So they were arrested. Did they plead their case? What was the result? I always thought innocent until proven guilty. The Crown's brief with respect to that information is privileged. See Wagg et al.

                CanLII - 2004 CanLII 39048 (ON C.A.)


                With that aside - Why is your plan of sole custody superior to their plan of joint custody for your child?

                Supervised access is not a long term solution but rather interim disposition. If the other parent is harmful to the child -- Why even suggest supervised access?

                Are you expecting that parent to conform to your parenting style by holding your child's right to access to their other parent or am I missing something here.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by logicalvelocity View Post
                  Constructive thinking.


                  So they were arrested. Did they plead their case? What was the result? I always thought innocent until proven guilty. The Crown's brief with respect to that information is privileged. See Wagg et al.

                  CanLII - 2004 CanLII 39048 (ON C.A.)

                  ANSWER : I'm sorry but what is this related to ? His arrest regarding purchasing marijuana from a drug dealer, where it was a Federal drug unit that was surveillencing the house where his friend was the drug dealer and where my daughter spent the day there, and was in his care ?
                  Anyway, from what I gather he went to court to say that he "bought it for a friend" and I'm not sure what the outcome of that was ? Will that have a play in my application ?

                  With that aside - Why is your plan of sole custody superior to their plan of joint custody for your child?

                  ANSWER : I believe sole custody is needed vs joint custody/parenting for the following reasons.
                  His involvement with the law
                  He drinks alocohol to the point of intoxication and smokes marijuana on a daily basis and is unable to care for child while under the influence.
                  He has been physically and verbally abusive towards me, sometimes in front of Kiana.
                  he threatened to rip my head off when I phoned the police to report he was driving while under influence of alcohol
                  He yelles at, insults and degrades me.
                  Threathened to take my daughter away from me and has threatned to commit suicide.
                  He refused to allow our daughter to go for counselling - but had to when CAS advised him that it would be in Kiana's best interest and that he should be on board with it, and now he's saying he never knew about it.
                  He continues to want to engage me in conflict and will not work co-operatively with me.
                  He will not correspond (Peace Bond states email) with me re: Kiana, her needs, her events even when I have questions pertaining to that. I always inform him of the events. He wants my daughter to pass messages to me.

                  I have been primary caregiver. I worked part time so that I could always be available to take care of her day to day needs. I enrolled daughter in activities such as dance, literacy programs and would take her to every rehearsal and volunteer for her school trips and school events.
                  I am actively involved in both church and community in our town.
                  I do not do drugs.
                  I have always been the decision maker for activities surrounding our daughters needs in school, after school program activities etc. All he wanted to be was "informed".
                  Re : Her education - I set up her RESP when she was born - he fought me all the way about it. I was looking for her future - he did not want to contribute to it, evenfact, when I had earned extra money, and wanted to add to the plan, he objected citing he wanted the money for something else.
                  He's not looking after her best interests - things that would make her happy. e.g. he will not give me her passport to go on a 4 day holiday to visit her godfathers, even thought he was told over 30 days ago, had a copy of the itinerary, the phone number, contact people (all these people he and I have known for over 8 years).
                  and then of course there's more.

                  Supervised access is not a long term solution but rather interim disposition. If the other parent is harmful to the child -- Why even suggest supervised access?

                  ANSWER : I realize it is an interim solution. CAS has informed that they want to get results from their "collaterals", her supervisor, myself and also talk with our child's counsellor before we go to the next level of access.
                  He is not physicially abusive however the session notes from her counsellor says that it is the child who wishes access with him to continue on a supervised basis because she does not like to be alone with him and prefers it supervised (when someone is watching), she would sometimes hide under the bed when he started yelling at her or about me. That he's made inappropriate comments about me in front of her. That he speaks to her about grown up things, that she feels in the event she is left with him she would not be able to stand up against him.

                  Are you expecting that parent to conform to your parenting style by holding your child's right to access to their other parent or am I missing something here.
                  ANSWER : I would like our child to have a positive relationship with her father. She has a right to see him in a safe environment - Yes it needs to be safe, and yes as a mother I suppose I would like him to not talk about issues that are adult in content - e.g. he told her when he got arrested - that it was the police that were wrong, that the judge was wrong, that he did nothing wrong, he even told her that he spent the night in a jail cel, and that it was my fault that we are separated, that he is innocent. I on the other hand have NOT said to my daughter about his arrest and the content, nor the fact that we have been to court, his peace bond etc. All these things he tells her.
                  I see an improvement after her supervised visits - she's saying that he's better and it looks like the counselling and programs that she's taken has helped her to be more able to speak up for herself. Once she feels comfortable, I am quite happy to let the visits be unsupervised.
                  It was not me that asked for supervised access initially - it was CAS, but given the facts from the session notes, I believe it is a good idea for now.

                  Comment

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