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  • Refusing daycare during covid

    Hey everyone,

    Hope you’re all keeping safe.

    Looking for some opinions and expertise, as always.

    Ex and I have an 11 year old. Parenting time is roughly 40/60 (me 40, ex 60). We have nothing in writing or through the courts, even though we have been separated for several years - generally just go with the flow - but the gist of it is I spend most of non-school time with child, and ex spends most school time with him.

    However, from March Break (beginning of COVID) to the beginning of May, we had him week on, week off. We’re both working: Ex went back to work first week of May, and I’m essential, so have been working this whole time. Since ex has gone back to work, child has seen her about 7 days of the month due to her having long, inconsistent hours, with no childcare options. This seems to be the case for the foreseeable future. We also live about an hour apart so exchanges can be tricky when we’re both working. There’s no issue for childcare at my place, because my brother and partner are home, hence the drastic change in parenting time.

    Now, my child said to me the other day that he’s sad because mom told him that daycares will be opening soon, (Not sure if that’s actually true, but that’s neither here nor there) so he will be going back to daycare. She works seasonally so she re-enrols him every spring, and takes him out in the late fall. Child claims he doesn’t want to go because he’s 11 and most kids are younger + his friends are no longer enrolled. I don’t want him to go because I think it’s an unnecessary safety risk and a waste of money.

    Since this all started, I’ve told her that we can work around her schedule, and she can see him whenever she wants when she’s off, but she doesn’t feel it’s worth it if it’s just for a day.

    When/if the conversation comes up that she wants to enrol him in daycare, do I have a leg to stand on to say no? Any ideas of what my options are? Does an 11 year olds opinion re: not wanting to go to daycare carry any weight?

    Thanks.

  • #2
    If she needs daycare for her work then she can take kid there but she does not get to take kid there when you are working or at home on your time.

    You could tell her its a waste of both your money and kid is old enough see where it goes.

    Is there a program for kid to attend (possibly by zoom) on staying home alone? Maybe that might bolster your argument?

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks Rockscan, the suggestion of a stay home alone course is a great idea.

      As for your first point re: her needing daycare on her time, that’s the tricky part; we don’t really have any allocated time, every year has been slightly different, so discerning whose time is whose, is murky.

      Comment


      • #4
        Then it would be worth a conversation. The problem with not having designated times makes situations like this complicated. Might also be worth having a three way discussion with your child included to discuss their feelings on daycare.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          Then it would be worth a conversation. The problem with not having designated times makes situations like this complicated. Might also be worth having a three way discussion with your child included to discuss their feelings on daycare.
          This is a great way to go imo.

          OP- are you on amicable terms with your ex?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Googlelawstudent View Post
            When/if the conversation comes up that she wants to enrol him in daycare, do I have a leg to stand on to say no?
            Just to be clear, you have almost no legal leg to stand on. A nice conversation is definitely the way to go.

            Also, for your consideration, your agreement says 40% and you are getting more than that. She could always force it right back down to 40%. You can try the safety risk angle but you have to be willing to accept a massive escalation in hostilities.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
              This is a great way to go imo.

              OP- are you on amicable terms with your ex?
              Sorry for the delay - I didn’t get a notification. I’d say we’re amicable, yes. That said, we have been at odds in the past, and that usually happens when ex doesn’t have things go her way.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                Just to be clear, you have almost no legal leg to stand on. A nice conversation is definitely the way to go.

                Also, for your consideration, your agreement says 40% and you are getting more than that. She could always force it right back down to 40%. You can try the safety risk angle but you have to be willing to accept a massive escalation in hostilities.
                Sorry for the delay - didn’t see this comment sooner.

                Thanks for your response Janus. I always like to refer to this thread from the legal standpoint, so your perspective from that lens is appreciated. Particularly since I do worry about hostility from ex, but I am also quite worried about the health piece -. She has a heart condition and I a history of pneumonia.

                Comment

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