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  • Babysitting expenses - no receipts

    Scenario:

    A couple separates (never married) ten years ago when their child was just under two years old. The agreement states that the child's maternal grandmother will provide alternate care (babysitting) and no receipts will be provided. The child is now 11 (12 in March) and up until two months ago, mother (custodial parent) has informed the father (joint custody) of the babysitting expenses incurred for the month previous. The expenses have always been paid the first of the month. No questions asked.

    It is now suspected that the child is under the care of the grandmother very little if not at all. When asked for a breakdown of when the child is with grandmother, the mother refuses to provide information but says the deal is that grandmother is provided $200 a month regardless of how much time the child is there. Mother has taken to contacting father several times via email, texts and phone calls starting around the 26th of the month demanding babysitting reimbursement prior to the first of the month. Mother has also gotten the child to start calling and texting father to ask for the money. The grandmother is now interferring with access between child and father (as per the mother's request).

    How easy is it to have this section of the agreement altered? Mother will likely fight every step of the way and will continue to harass father and withhold access if she doesn't get her way. Is it common to have a separation agreement written stating that no paperwork or receipts are required? How can this be changed?

  • #2
    I would say that parent is vindictive and definitely not child centered if they withhold the child's access to their other parent because of disagreement with respect to extra curricular childcare expenses.

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    • #3
      By babysitting, do you mean before and after school care? If it is just for babysitting for the ex during her parenting time, I would tell her to get bent. It is her time and her responsibility to cover any babysitting costs. But if it is for daycare or school care, then he would be responsible for his proportion of the costs.

      Unfortunately, he has years and years of status quo against him when it comes to requesting receipts. If he wanted receipts, he should've asked at the beginning or at least at some point long ago.

      As for the wanting money prior to the 1st of the month, I would simply state that he is not in a position to provide any money to her at this time and that you will provide it to her at the 1st of the month as you have in the years prior. I would also simply state that you are not willing to discuss the matter of providing the money prior to 1st at any point in the future.

      If the child texts asking for the money, I would reply that the matter is between Dad and Mom, and the two of you will work it out. Then email the ex and state that the child should not be put in the middle of adult matters and having the child text on her behalf in not in the childs best interests.

      And as for Grandma making issues with exchanges or dads parenting time, grandma has no authority over the child when it comes to his dad. When dad shows up the child goes with him. If grandma makes a scene, I would simply state that she is not the authority figure here. If she persists, I would then make a motion to the courts to have the agreement changed to find an alternative care-giver as Grandma is incapable of being impartial and denegrates dad in front of the child. She is obviously not qualified to provide care if she is incapable of respecting dad's wishes as Dad is few wrungs above her in the pecking order.

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      • #4
        Thanks for your reply.

        There is no question that mom (CP) is vindictive and does not have the child's best interest at heart. At this point, the question we need answered is, what can we do about it?

        All common sense approaches have been used. What legal action can we take to make her harrassment and bullying stop? Has anyone ever successfully dealt with a malicious mom with a need to constantly harrass the other parent? Keep in mind, this separation is going on TEN years and it is only getting worse.

        Comment


        • #5
          File a motion to change the existing agreement due to the issues you have noted. Request (among other things) that receipts be required for re-reimbursement of child care expenses, and that the mother be required to pay a proportional share.

          Also request a police enforcement clause due to Grandma's denial off access. (Which you have documented)

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          • #6
            Thanks for the advice. If a motion is filed for child care receipts and police enforcement of access (dad is continually denied access on the account that mom says the son doesn't want to go) what happens if mom fights it? We really don't want this to go to court and mediation has not worked in the past. Mom is very, very erratic and angry.

            As per the previous post, we don't know what constitues "babysitting" anymore as mom won't share that information. She says that she has to pay grandma $200 each month regardless of how much the son goes. Mom also doesn't make lunches but instead has the grandma make lunches and has the son go and eat in her van at lunch.

            Bottom line here is that mom is irrational and for some reason feels the need to stir the pot at every angle. She left 15 text and email messages regarding babysitting payment prior to the first of the month even though there has NEVER been one missed babysitting payment.

            Will look into filing a motion but after reading other posts on this site about the system, we aren't hopeful.

            Comment


            • #7
              IN your affidavit, use the text messages from both your 11 yr old and your ex to prove your point about your ex being difficult.

              If there is no order for you to pay a set amount for babysitting, then I would not pay anymore. Your child should be able to look after his/her self after school. Perhaps send your child to a babysitting or home alone course. If the babysitting is for other than afterschool care, then perhaps you may want to ask for a variance to the access schedule, so that you have first right of refusal or if the days needed for babysitting are consistent, then you ask for the child for those days.

              You don't need to be scared of the courts. Just be prepared. Do your homework before, and know what the otherside will try to bring up to counter your claims. If you prove that the other side is vindictive, and unreasonable, the courts can and may change custody to you.

              Comment

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