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  • Accusations of racism?

    The ex's ears must have been burning... (rolling my eyes).

    Out of the blue, I finally got a 1 sentence response to a confirmation of scheduling change, for the upcoming weekend. That was 1 sentence. Cool, finally confirmed.

    The rest of her email, was to bring up out of the blue, an issue that apparently my daughter has said comments "couple times to me but now ive really got to put my foot down." (according to mom). She also says in the next few sentences it's been an issue for "a couple of years now", but this is the first I'm hearing of it. Which is it? (rolling my eyes, again)

    Apparently, my 3 year old has said comments about her not liking people who are "dark" in colour. What? I'm just paraphrasing the comments mom sent me. The rest of the email, is accusatory towards me, about why I would teach my daughter such things, and that I'm a racist, and not a good role model for my daugther. etc, etc.

    This is utterly ridiculous. I'm guessing she's trying to start up a fight again, and of course, she's bring up her now "current" boyfriend again, as apparently he falls into this category. How would you handle such an email? It's obvious, she's trying to start something here again?

    I did respond to her already, only to:
    - tell her this has not been an issue that I have seen, at all, and that I've heard nothing from the school as well on this.
    - asked her, why I'm just hearing about this now, if this has been such a long running issue, according to her
    - asked her, to not use hostile communication, and to call me a racist, as it's oviously not true, and is not helpful.
    - asked her, what she's doing, as corrective measures, if these comments are really being made, when my daughter is with her?


    If she persists with the hostile communiation, is there any point in trying to keep this communication open with her? This seems another email, to just try and slander me, apparently.

    The only reason I responded at all, is my daughter did just start school, so she's seeing a lot of new kids and faces, so I have to factor in, that perhaps this has come up as an issue, seeing so many new kids at school?

    I'm guessing, this has not been an issue at all though.

  • #2
    It's a non issue. Your response to it was fine. Leave it there. There is no merit, as you say.

    She's baiting you.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by hadenough View Post
      It's a non issue. Your response to it was fine. Leave it there. There is no merit, as you say.

      She's baiting you.
      Agreed. Baseless accusation designed to incite conflict. Don't play the game.

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      • #4
        Buy your daughter a black faced doll and send it home with her and stick a ton of Black Power stickers on it...have some fun in your life!

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        • #5
          Suggest minimal response next time, along the lines of 'Thankyou for sharing your concerns with me'.

          Oh, and my D5 won't play with her black-boy doll ... should I be concerned? (just joking - if he had princess clothing and dreads probably he'd be more popular).

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          • #6
            OP; my ex made all kinds of bizarre and unfounded accusations. Blah blah blah. I decided early on that he could in fact say he was next in line to the Royal Throne. And who would care?

            Yes, initially it is shocking but train yourself to let a lot of this crap roll off you. Like that saying "water off a duck's back."

            Your child, at this age or any other, will "know" who you are and what you're all about by the example you set.

            PS: as for emails, keep them clean and to the point. Don't put anything in an email that you wouldn't write on the back of a post card.
            Last edited by hadenough; 10-04-2012, 12:17 PM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by hadenough View Post
              It's a non issue. Your response to it was fine. Leave it there. There is no merit, as you say.

              She's baiting you.
              "Conflict fishing" as identified by Hadenough. Don't get the hook in your mouth. Also, due to the age of the child, it is way too advance for any three year old to state.

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              • #8
                Yeah, I try to show that I will listen to a valid concern, if there is one (ex. I don't just delete her email - I respond in a civil manner - I keep all these emails), but this will likely go nowhere, as I don't think there is an issue, and if she responds further to my questions, it will just be the usual paragraphs of irrelevant crap, to bait a fight.

                Then I will ignore her, and will know there is no issue. :-)

                She's pretty high-conflict. I would not be surprised if she tries to create an issue with school, or CAS, around this now, since this is her newest claim. We shall see.

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                • #9
                  Message NBDad re: BS claims made to CAS. He's got a lot of experience dealing with those and can give you direction there. I wouldn't sweat it.

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                  • #10
                    I've got a few more emails from her, regarding this. I've not responded to anything further, as I checked into this.

                    Her hostile emails claim it's been a long-standing issue, but she didn't need to inform/involve me, as I'm the cause of the problem (racist remarks from our 3 year old). (rolling eyes). Wrote to me, that there are other issues too, but she doesn't have to involve me - she just deals with it. She claims she has been in touch with her CAS worker/contact about this particular issue.

                    I called this fellow directly, as I know who he is, and we've talked before. I asked him about this, and he confirmed they have never discussed anything in this regard.

                    So yeah, it seems it's just the usual "crazy". :-/

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                    • #11
                      You called the boyfriend and he told you he and your ex have never discussed this?

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                      • #12
                        No. She claims this is an issue that she has previously brought-up and discussed with her CAS guy (family services), against me. I called him, to ask about this, and he confirmed they have never discussed this issue, and it hasn't been an issue - at least relayed to him.

                        I don't even know the boyfriend. I've only seen him a handful of times, during pick-up/exchange times. Maybe 4 or 5 times ever. lol.

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                        • #13
                          Ahhh gotcha. Sorry, I missed that ONE crucial line in your previous post!

                          I was thinkin': that's ballz!

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                          • #14
                            Apparently, I lack those too...if the ex's emails are to be believed. (chuckle).

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                            • #15
                              Check her purse. That's where I keep 'mine'.

                              Comment

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