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  • New member, old story...

    Hello all! New member who had stumbled across these forums a while back in my quest for information. Seems like a lot of good stuff here, so wanted to add my journey here also.

    Separated for almost two years now after a 13 year marriage, with a 9 year old son, and just trying to finalize a SA which we have been working on for almost a year through the collaborative law process.

    I won't go into the whole history of the ordeal, but as all here have experienced the resentment, frustration, humiliation, etc. I think you get the idea.

    Basically we have worked out the terms, amounts, duration, and everything looked good. Had her lawyer draw up the draft and picked it up last Friday to review it with my lawyer. Not fair (for example I handed her $75K equity in the house) but the cost of litigation would far outweigh the couple of hundred dollars per month I would gain. Eventually you don't taste your pride when you have to swallow it every day.

    Now, I pick up the draft at my lawyers, he flip the pages, says it looks good (I will refrain from commenting on this Barrister's stellar performance, let's just say family law is not a strong suit). I take it home and find things like fixed for 7 years regardless of any change in either parties circumstances or shall only terminate on October 1, 2015. There were other items, such as the issue of CPP pension splitting (never mentioned until I saw it in the agreement), or how about this: ...inoculate them from any judicial review now or at any time in the future... or ...they do not wish to have a court order a change in support which deviates from or overrides this agreement, especially with regard to spousal support... or ...any court reviewing this agreement at any time in the future is to uphold this agreement in its entirety...

    Now over the last 2 years, we have had our ups and downs, but have remained for the most part amicable, and kept our son insulated from our differences. We are fed up with the delays and the $25 phone calls and $900 interim bills for sweet FA, and have started to try and tweak this ourselves.
    What about situations such as sickness or injury which would prevent me from fulfilling the SA with my signature on the back? Am I supposed to lose everything, then go bankrupt, before she realizes you don't bite the hand that feeds you? She had discussed co-habitation with guy she's been dating. That's fine, but am I expected to pay his living costs too? Does a change of circumstance apply here, as his income is the same or more than mine?

    She thinks through litigation that she would retain the locked, non-negotiable clause how it is currently written. She doesn't realize I won't be going to court with a wimp. It's discouraging to get so close only to have it fall apart because of stubbornness.

    Any thoughts/insights appreciated.

  • #2
    Personally, I would NOT sign this and I would most certainly shift the issue from collaborative law to the real deal. Signing this as it is written with the wonderfully stated clauses will only send you to the poor house long before the ink dries.

    She obviously has not been playing fair or "collaborating" with you if this is how she has decided to respond to any willingness on your part to keep things civil. I think you should get that lawyer you’ve been considering; the way things stand in this SA you’d not have any option to make a single change regardless of how life changes. What happens if you get scaled back at work? Heck what happens if they down size and you go? This agreement means you are still on the hook for the amount enclosed. I would not let this go any further, she’s obviously only after one thing and it’s not civility.

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    • #3
      Thanks for the insight, FL. That was my first reaction. I really don't want to go to court over something so obvious, but if forced, well... you can only back someone into a corner for so long before they fight back.

      p.s. I am amazed after reading all the horror stories here over the past months. For all those whose situation is worse (both men and women), my heart goes out to you. FL, your username says it all. Can't wait to corner the next election candidate that shows up at my door...

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      • #4
        Originally posted by zeek View Post
        p.s. I am amazed after reading all the horror stories here over the past months. For all those whose situation is worse (both men and women), my heart goes out to you. FL, your username says it all. Can't wait to corner the next election candidate that shows up at my door...
        I had a good chuckle after one rep came to my door and I did ask alot of Family law questions. She looked like a scared cat trying to claw her way to the door. Usually it's me trying to non- so- obviously push them back out the door.
        I may have been a little confrontational with the issues that need to be addressed for both custodial and non-custodial parents, but my aim was to get some idea of whether or not family law reform was even a twinkle in their platform or future endeavours, guess what the answer was? LOL, they gave me the old "political reply" which basically was no reply to the actual questions AT ALL! But I enjoyed their visit.

        Best of luck to you, I hope things work out better for you.
        Keep us posted.

        FL

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