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  #1  
Old 04-13-2018, 11:02 PM
youngdad91 youngdad91 is offline
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Default demanded phone calls on fathers access weekend

my ex partner is sort of special. likes it all quiet when she's got the kid but when I have the kid she has to communicate with me or get me to show a reaction to her requests. her latest is asking for phone calls Friday nights the child is with me. I feel this disrupts our little time and routine and upsets the child. Mom is alienating child at her home and under her care and I feel I need some time without any presence from her to successfully counter act her influence.

I do give the phone calls to avoid giving her any sort of ammunition.

phone calls? yay or nay?
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:14 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Definitely NAY!!! My S7 is having a difficult time adjusting to the new access schedule, a call to me MOM would just exasperate the situation. If its just a weekend forget it. If its a whole week, then maybe 1 midweek call, but not at night before bed.

Just my 2 cents.
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:20 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Opps should have added:

Not that you would do anything to upset your child, but it can work both ways. Request nightly phone call on her time. That may be enough to get her from backing down.
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Old 04-14-2018, 03:04 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Default demanded phone calls on fathers access weekend

First, if you have your child with you, youre not being alienated. Stop throwing that term around. Alienated is no kid, no time, no contact, nothing.

You can do one of two things. Call her and let her have five minutes. Good night, see you soon, goodbye. Or you tell her you will try but it depends on what you are doing and she has no say on your time.

This is a control thing. Say no, ignore her, move on.
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Old 04-15-2018, 10:25 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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You need to keep in mind that although it may be “your” weekend it’s not about “you”. It’s about what’s in the best interests of your “child”. Not about your ex either. It’s about your child. Divorce and separation is stressful and painful for children too. Maybe even more so because they don’t get a say and their whole world is turned upside down.

You do not have to allow any contact at all between your ex and your child on “your” weekend. That’s up to you but be prepared for the consequences which may flow from that decision. Your ex may become more anxious and it may escalate the conflict between you even more or not. Your child may experience added stress and separation anxiety and may resent you for not allowing phone calls or not.

On the other hand, graciously allowing a 5 minute phone call may decrease your ex’s and your child’s anxiety. If it disrupts your child’s bed time routine then have the call happen 30-45 minutes before bedtime instead.

The point is that one of you has to step up and be the adult in the room. Doing so may include parenting not only your child but your ex as well.
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Old 04-15-2018, 12:14 PM
youngdad91 youngdad91 is offline
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Thanks guys. I really don't want to have to parent her or be responsible for her feelings. We are divorced after all.

Other thing, she starts getting the child to miss her and tells her the exiting things they are doing at their home the next day!

I know I am being the bigger person here by letting her have the call even though it's not court ordered but I need to be more focused on my relationship with the child given it's been classified as "at risk of deteriorating" given the alienation/brainwashing/influencing/whatever you want to call it that has been happening.

To be honest, one of the other reasons I decided to give in is because I will be asking for more access shortly - thought I give her one less reason to say no.
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Old 06-01-2018, 10:52 AM
Asphenaz Asphenaz is offline
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Take into consideration your ex's personality. Mine gave up after a few weeks because it was too hard for her. The kids barely want to talk to their mom when she calls, because it's all about her and not what they are up to.
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