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  • #16
    Just curious... kids aren't toddlers. Isn't there a rapid-transit train from Guelph to TO? People commute to and from work every day from there don't they?

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    • #17
      Originally posted by arabian View Post
      Just curious... kids aren't toddlers. Isn't there a rapid-transit train from Guelph to TO? People commute to and from work every day from there don't they?

      Toronto to Guelph isn't physically far at all. Maybe 70kms depending on what they refer to as "Toronto". I think of anything East of Guelph as Toronto.....

      While the physical distance isn't far, the commute could take hours thanks to the traffic and the 401.

      I think the kids are too young now to ride the Go, but it's a possibility for the future.

      There could be a massive quality of life improvement for the children if they moved to Guelph from Jane & Finch. However, if they're moving to Guelph from the Beaches, the improvement will be much less.

      Discuss the topic of moving with the other parent. They may be onboard with it if it benefits the children and has little impact on their access arrangements.

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      • #18
        I'm starting to take issue with boyfriends, girlfriends, stepparents, etc. logging in and asking questions related to children that aren't theirs.

        How do you explain to and convince a boyfriend/3rd party that the only relationship that counts is that between the child/father and child/mother. Frankly, if the parent gave a damm, they'd make an effort to be here and ask their own questions.

        It is so frustrating to see 3rd parties actively involving themselves in making major decisions for other people's children. I'm going to count myself lucky my ex' new wife didn't step into that role.

        You can move anywhere you like. The children cannot move without the express agreement of the other parent, or a court order from a judge.
        That is technically not accurate. Practically, many parents with primary custody move with kids within 100k radius -- unless the EOW seeks immediate legal action, it's all but done. The EOW would have a quite the fight on their hands to un-do.
        Last edited by mcdreamy; 06-09-2014, 08:33 PM.
        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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        • #19
          I've had the same concern since I joined this forum and you will recall that my opinion was/is not very popular.

          I think it would be beneficial for a new segment of the forum to be set up for 3rd parties (step parents/grand parents concerns).

          Often a new spouse or an ex get pitted against each other on this forum - kind of a new venue to take out one's frustrations when that isn't what the forum was intended for.
          Last edited by arabian; 06-09-2014, 08:37 PM. Reason: Another thought

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          • #20
            Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
            Toronto to Guelph isn't physically far at all. Maybe 70kms depending on what they refer to as "Toronto". I think of anything East of Guelph as Toronto.....

            While the physical distance isn't far, the commute could take hours thanks to the traffic and the 401.

            I think the kids are too young now to ride the Go, but it's a possibility for the future.

            There could be a massive quality of life improvement for the children if they moved to Guelph from Jane & Finch. However, if they're moving to Guelph from the Beaches, the improvement will be much less.

            Discuss the topic of moving with the other parent. They may be onboard with it if it benefits the children and has little impact on their access arrangements.
            93 kms the way most measure it - City Hall to City Hall. On a Friday afternoon in the summer, a couple of hours.

            Go Bus service isn't frequent, stops in a few places.

            Quality of life is more than just location. Easy access to both parents is in my opinion more important. 100 kms means its more difficult for the NCP to go to the kids events, apppointments, meet their teachers etc. Perhaps that is why the move is planned.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I've had the same concern since I joined this forum and you will recall that my opinion was/is not very popular.

              I think it would be beneficial for a new segment of the forum to be set up for 3rd parties (step parents/grand parents concerns).

              Often a new spouse or an ex get pitted against each other on this forum - kind of a new venue to take out one's frustrations when that isn't what the forum was intended for.
              Parenting of stepchildren is probably extremely frustrating and they would have questions as well, which deserve to be asked and answered. This OP just seems so blase, and not considering the long term effects of removing a child from their parent. No skin in the game.
              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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              • #22
                It's a distinction without a difference. Same kids. Same situation.

                If your answers are different because the OP is a parent or step parent then I guess we'd need a specific forum for gay parents, donor baby parents, adopted parents too?

                The moral of my story: take issue all you want as there are often more people that are involved and love children than just their bio parents.

                To propel my point a bit further, I've never had a doctor or a teacher take issue with the relationship I have with any of our children. If the intent and good is apparent - makes no difference who is advocating for these kids.

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                • #23
                  Parenting of stepchildren is probably extremely frustrating and they would have questions as well, which deserve to be asked and answered.
                  The step parent and their spouse are a family. For the most part they operate in a family unit and need to make informed decisions together. Like it or not, what each does in a silo affects the other. It is normal for families to collaborate and consult. This is evident in intact and healthy families.

                  This OP just seems so blase, and not considering the long term effects of removing a child from their parent. No skin in the game.
                  The OP is a step parent and therefore has no legal rights to make any legal decisions on the children.

                  Perhaps they are not considering the long term affects on the children (and I'd agree) but in the end the legal decision making is not theirs.

                  The step parent can sometimes influence the bio parent's decision making. I personally embrace those step parents that promote good for all involved. I couldn't care less if its the step parent, friend, neighbour or teacher who helped a family along the way. If its good, its good, its good. Yes, this is a simplistic view, but it is often more commonplace than one cares to admit.

                  If your issue is with WHO is involved, then perhaps you aren't seeing the forest for the trees.

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                  • #24
                    I am in agreement with McDreamy and Arabian and I do approach the subject differently when I am dealing with a non-parent-partner.

                    Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

                    The truth of the matter is, these are not her kids and this is not her responsibility even though she becomes a victim of the family dysfunction.

                    Stepmom, you have two options: leave or step back and let the chips fall where they may.
                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                      I am in agreement with McDreamy and Arabian and I do approach the subject differently when I am dealing with a non-parent-partner.

                      Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW



                      Good Luck!
                      Tayken

                      An excellent article - all step-parents should read this.

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                      • #26
                        So if it takes a " village" to raise a child" ( a phrase I have seen many times on this forum) and therefore that village has become the supporting family can they not have an opinion? Can they not seek advice and information to pass on to the Parent of the child to ensure " the village" is there to support. Just because they are not the bio parent does not mean they are less entitled to join a forum such as this. It seems that some here always assume that information,opinions and involvement with one parent of a separated family should " butt out" But, just as there needs to be communication between the bio parents there also needs to be communication between other family members new or old.

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                        • #27
                          I moved my 2 kids from Niagara to Toronto for work. Their dad didn't have much to do with school, doc appts etc their whole lives. I took care of everything. Our arrangement was that we met halfway every weekend and he had them from Friday night to Sunday night. He also had them holidays. And most of the time during the summer holidays. If there was important things going on at the school, he would come down for it.
                          When doing research I found that if you can prove that the life is better for the children, and is in their best interest then it's allowed. We since moved back to Niagara. Living in Toronto can be very difficult with kids and sometimes living just 100kms away will make mom happy, maybe for a better job, more money, better life than the situation there are in. The kids didn't see their dad any less then when we were in Toronto. It just took a bit longer to get them there. But splitting the distance made it better on everyone.
                          Anyways, it worked for us. We just sat down and explained things and asked if we could work something out where he benefitted too. Him getting them for the summer fulltime made it reasonable for him.

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                          • #28
                            Everyone and anyone can post and ask questions and give opinions on this forum.

                            I can get a neighbour to post on this forum to ask questions about my situation if I want to. I can get a stranger from another forum to post on this forum to ask questions about my situation, and so on. However, the clarity and accuracy of the information about my situation would quite probably be diluted. Furthermore, legal documents have my name on them (not my neighbour etc.).

                            Parenting issues are legally between the mother and the father, unless a 3rd party is specifically named on the court documents (through legal adoption of child or children's guardian).

                            Same goes for divorces and separations.

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                            • #29
                              I am starting to take issue with people jumping to conclusions about step-parents. I am a step-mother of two boys (now grown). I have never met my step-sons' mother. I have never communicated with her in any way. I have in no way involved myself in the issues between my husband and his ex-wife.

                              What I have done is make a home for my husband and his two sons, help support them both through college and university when their mother refused to help in any way, researched family law for my own edification and to help my husband.

                              I will be the proudest person at my step-son's university graduation this year. If your experience of step-parents is different, I feel sad for you. But I find I am the rule rather than the exception.

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                              • #30
                                Beachnana the answer to your question is this: We CAN seek information and participate as much as we want in a forum as this.

                                The end.

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