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Can primary residence parent control the child living schedule under joint custody?

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  • Can primary residence parent control the child living schedule under joint custody?

    Ex and I have a separation agreement that states:

    1. we have joint legal custody of our daughter
    2. daughter will primarily reside with the ex
    3. the ex and I will arrange a schedule for my visitation time with my daughter

    Since separation, rather than "visitation time", our daughter lived with each of us on a 60:40 shared living schedule for 2 years. This last year, my daughter has lived with me 50% of the time -- 2-2-3 alternating schedule.

    Until recently, my ex and I were amicable and cooperative with taking care of our daughter. Recently, things have become acrimonious. I suspect because her boyfriend is going through an acrimonious separation and divorce.

    Although we have joint custody, my ex makes unilateral decisions regarding our daughter.

    Today, rather than discuss with me, the ex has told me she will be keeping our daughter 5 nights a week and every other weekend. That I will only get her every other weekend and 2 hours one night a week.

    Does she have the right to do this even though we have joint custody? What can I do to prevent this and continue our 50:50 arrangement?

  • #2
    This is an emergency.

    You have a status quo of 50%, but an agreement that gives you nothing. If you fight for the status quo now you can probably keep it. If you wait too long then you lose the status quo, and then all you have is the agreement.

    To answer your question: Yes, she can absolutely do this to you if you allow it to happen. It is not even a "wrong" thing that could get her in trouble in court.

    You probably need to see a lawyer today, and if the lawyer is not willing to start filing legal paperwork immediately (as in this week), find a different lawyer.

    I would also immediately (as in today) send a written message saying that you strongly disagree with the ex unilaterally changing the status quo that was working well for your children. You also want her to agree that the status quo was 50%.

    Dear ex,

    For the last year we have been parenting under the 2-2-3 schedule. Our daughter has thrived under this arrangement. There is no reason to switch it. I strongly disagree with your unilateral, unexpected, and unfortunate attempts to change our schedule.

    Unless I hear otherwise from you, I will assume that we are reverting back to our usual 2-2-3 schedule starting on Monday and I will pick the kids up at X o'clock as usual.

    Sincerely,

    Wonderful me


    When she writes back and says no, reply that her reasoning is not in the best interests of the children, and reiterate that you will be there to pick up the kids unless you hear a good reason not to.

    Again, if you act now you can probably keep your kid. If you try to play nice here, you will likely lose. The next few weeks are critical.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you so much!

      Comment

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