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  • #16
    Agreed. A lot of people assume their ex has a mental illness when it’s really just anger or lack of control. Look at the background to your split and what decisions were made. If the ex was not happy about it or was focused on controlling things or getting back at you, that feeds the actions not a personality disorder.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by respondent View Post
      not for the sake of arguing, but as kids get older and more involved into sport of their choice, they could have that hockey 9 times a week instead of once, and what's even more exciting is that club to keep you on your toes would keep changing schedule, location etc. Besides, number of items going with kid every couple days would make it nightmare - you didn't divorce to meet your ex with that hockey gear bag few times a week.
      You won't ever be able to participate in an advanced sports program or drama/theater program that requires regular and consistent attendance if one or both of the parents are "high conflict". So, in my humble opinion this opinion is moot because either one or both of the high conflict parents will get the child tossed from the program.

      House League "A" and Competitive "AA/AAA" levels of hockey are limited and there are more than enough children feeding into these levels of hockey by silly parents chasing a dream that only has a 0.01% chance of success that programs/coaches don't need a high conflict parent (angry divorced) on the team.

      House league levels of hockey have to truly deal with the arguments in the halls, the throwing of equipment, screaming of kids being late for practices and games etc... They generally can't throw kids out. If a convener knows a team has a player that has high conflict parents they usually put more players on the team to cover the absence when the parents eventually fight over hockey. Trust me. I have seen this 1000 times.

      Team sports are great but, often, for young children they are not the only family member participating. Parents need to get along, get organized and get over their shit if they want their child to participate.

      If you have that much conflict... Put your kids in the swimming program on your night of the week and accept the fact that they probably aren't in the 0.01% going to the NHL and buy a lotto ticket. You have better chances to win their college/university tuition that way.

      Good Luck!
      Tayken

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
        You clearly don't know my ex. She is the definition of high-conflict. It drives her insane that our kids are 1/2 time with me. To the point where she wants regular check-ins with me to ensure I am always doing things her way. She believes she is the "primary" parent and time with me is "visits". If I were to bring sick kids to her in the morning, she would try to make a deal about my judgement in that the kids are not that sick....or suggest that they sleep terribly at my place compared to hers. Anything to dig at me and my parenting; suggesting the kids should be with her fulltime. My ex cannot see that she is a huge problem, and the detriment it causes to our kids.

        Why do you care or entertain her comments? Drop the kids off and go to work. Ignore her emails. The only reason she does it is because it bothers you. Stop giving her the satisfaction.


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          I disagree. Most of these arrangements are linked to anxious parents and not a Axis-II disorder of the personality. In many cases these long winded and very tightly wound agreements are to manage parental anxiety and to protect the parent who is not an anxious parent.

          These are parents that "see small red bumps" all over their children when even a medical professional does not. For these kinds of parents often they need rules to contain their anxiety.

          I have only see 1 personality disordered person in a court room. They had 2 trials and changed the face of 50-50 custody and access (positive change) for men in the province of Ontario. That person used to interact with this forum and the other parent. We all watched it unfold and helped the father in that matter navigate the legal system and how to successfully defend himself.

          I have observed MANY cases are driven by:

          1. Greed
          2. Revenge
          3. Stupid people
          4. Anxious stupid people
          5. Anxious parents
          6. Stupid anxious parents
          7. Lack of education / understanding

          See: https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/...ad.php?t=19845



          Good Luck!
          Tayken
          It me!

          I am said Stupid Anxious Parent....I'll qualify that I have a kid who's lips swell double their size for a multitude of allergies. And my ex definitely has a some kind of mental health issue.

          However- in addition to agreeing with what tayken and blink have posted as to the exchanges and times- I highly encourage people with high conflict situations, and/or jerk face exes, and/or who are also anxious to include very detailed outlines as to what to do in cases where kid(s) needs to go to emergency room, see doctors outside of regular checkups, pick up routine medications, etc etc etc....our agreement says who will take d5- how to notify the other parent; if routine checkup falls on her dad's time- he gets extra time to make it up, etc etc. It sounds insane- but it has helped a number of times to just point to the agreement in case of a conflict.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            Why do you care or entertain her comments? Drop the kids off and go to work. Ignore her emails. The only reason she does it is because it bothers you. Stop giving her the satisfaction.

            I did exactly that with my ex when she was interrupting into my parenting time. Only thing she decided to write about it via her lawyer to my lawyer, and also communicate in court about it - at the end did cost some extra legal fees on both ends with absolutely no result achieved.

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            • #21
              Because it was petty and unnecessary. Your lawyer should have ignored it and let her sink herself in court. Unless you are a threat to the kids theres absolutely no reason for her to deny your time.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                Because it was petty and unnecessary. Your lawyer should have ignored it and let her sink herself in court. Unless you are a threat to the kids theres absolutely no reason for her to deny your time.
                Even tiny email exchanges with lawyer does cost you, but yes, we were not responding to that nonsense. I suspect it did cost her more to write those essays than for me to ignore them, but it wasn't totally free.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by respondent View Post
                  Even tiny email exchanges with lawyer does cost you, but yes, we were not responding to that nonsense. I suspect it did cost her more to write those essays than for me to ignore them, but it wasn't totally free.

                  It should have been captured under your retainer agreement that your lawyer’s assistant would forward correspondence to you and then you give direction. Then you review everything at the meeting to put together court materials. If your lawyer is charging you for stupid stuff like this and reviewing things like this before sending it you, you need to review your contract. There is no reason they need to review anything before sending it to you. If you aren’t cc’d on the correspondence, you should receive it before they do anything.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                    You clearly don't know my ex. She is the definition of high-conflict. It drives her insane that our kids are 1/2 time with me.
                    If I can assist WorkingDad in navigating his file... Trust me... Yours is a cake walk in comparison. Two trials... Rare to see one trial... Let alone TWO.

                    Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                    To the point where she wants regular check-ins with me to ensure I am always doing things her way. She believes she is the "primary" parent and time with me is "visits". If I were to bring sick kids to her in the morning, she would try to make a deal about my judgement in that the kids are not that sick....or suggest that they sleep terribly at my place compared to hers. Anything to dig at me and my parenting; suggesting the kids should be with her fulltime. My ex cannot see that she is a huge problem, and the detriment it causes to our kids.
                    You clearly need to /ignore the other parent. The other parent has no recourse... they can call CAS but, CAS will eventually /ignore her... She won't go back to court because the "material change" required for her to even haver a judge hear the matter won't be met.

                    Time to ignore. Even for very small and young children. You will learn fast that unless your child has special needs... parents rarely need to talk. Especially when one is high conflict.

                    You probably attend to every TXT message, email, etc... When you don't need to.

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                      why do you care or entertain her comments? Drop the kids off and go to work. Ignore her emails. The only reason she does it is because it bothers you. Stop giving her the satisfaction.


                      Sent from my iphone using tapatalk
                      this ^^^^^^^^^^ !!!!!!!

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                        @ Rockscan and Respondent: Please start your own thread and/or private message one another- your messages have completely hijacked my thread and delve into someone's else's matter. Thank you!

                        Moderator: Requested to remove their posts from my thread. Thank you!
                        LOL.

                        Doubtful they will moderate out good content.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                          @ Rockscan and Respondent: Please start your own thread and/or private message one another- your messages have completely hijacked my thread and delve into someone's else's matter. Thank you!

                          Moderator: Requested to remove their posts from my thread. Thank you!
                          I apologize, wasn't intentional.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            While week about access may create little issues for sports, the one exchange per week saves from many other issues:

                            - school, holidays, pa/sick days, homework, appointments, less work - easier exchanging items, etc. And as the kids age, they'll prefer less transfers.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                              ...but ultimately its for the betterment of the kids that they see both parents frequently and not have long distances between exchanges.
                              Kids are fine with week about, it's usually the parents that feel it's too long. And alienation should not occur with 50/50 access unless you're giving the kids reasons to believe your ex.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Bogdan View Post
                                Another plus for pickups in mornings instead end of school ... this is coming from experience with my high conflict ex.

                                I've had (numerous) issues with my ex threatening and denying access .

                                In cases where she threatened to deny my parenting time (and kibosh my vacation plans) and pick up our child herself at the end of school ..... I would just sneak out from work early and pickup our child early myself (on what was technically my time anyways) without telling her ahead of time.

                                School can't do anything about preventing either parent from picking up child midday .. and Ex can't plead that you took the kid on her time.
                                don't underestimate creativity of your ex :-) My when she knew I had vacation scheduled sent a letter claiming that my kid isn't feeling well, and didn't send kid to school at all. I asked for note from doctor, which obviously was ignored, and she rejected giving me a child. As a result I had to go on trip without child, and then quite expectedly the day after she wrote "come and pick up the kid right now, it is your parenting time". Point is. If you have ex with a mood to annoy you, she will find the way.

                                Comment

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