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  #1  
Old 09-17-2018, 07:19 PM
nofrills nofrills is offline
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Default Ex-wife wants to change the schedule in a separation agreement

Ex-wife wants to change schedule and I don't


Here some background

-kids are 5 boy and 8 girl
-we been separated/divorced for 2.5 years
-our separation agreement has the current schedule

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
Mom Mom Dad Mom Mom Dad Dad

Me 3 days a week
Mom 4 days a week

I am a fully involved father on weekends. I've done trips and given the kids experiences that I only dreamed of as a kid.

In summary, the ex-wife wants to change the schedule so that she has the kids every second Saturday, in exchange for a Monday. I've suggested an exchange an alternating Saturday for a Friday the following week, but she says a flat out no and takes it as an insult.

On Saturday's I only get them a 4pm which is already half the day gone.

Over the course of the last 2 years, some of our conversations have not been very good.
i) We have both argued in front of the kids.
ii) She has called the police to give me a warning that I was harrassing her by calling her at night to discuss issues. Can I call harassement on her, it not like she hung up the phone and didn't harrass me at the same time. (6 months ago)
iii) Once, I had a run in with the ex's boyfriend when he and her dropped the kids off at my condo. Kids saw me arguing through a the window, but they didn't hear anything (1.5 years ago)

Anyways, she has said she will use this against me mediation/court to change the schedule. (even though it has nothing to do with the schedule)

Can she use this against me and if we go to mediation and to court?
What are the chances of her being able to change the schedule after 2.5 years of status quo?

thanks you for your help.
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  #2  
Old 09-18-2018, 08:42 AM
good_mom good_mom is offline
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Communication should always be by e-mail only. Kids are doing well then, she has nothing as it had nothing ot do with your parenting. The only thing you can suggest is Family Wizard for communication. In fact suggest it now...

Good time to move to a 2-2-5-5 schedule no reason that you don’t get them 50/50

"Hey x, I'm glad you agree that time with the kids is important can we consider the following schedule as the kids will have a full weekend with both of us. They are older now and it is a perfect time to expand to 50/50. This will be a benefit to them.”

Mon-Tues MOM always
Wed-Thur DAD always
Weekends rotate

ex MoM from friday after school to Wed morning, Dad Wed after school till monday morning. Mom Monday after school til wed morning, Dad wed after school till Friday morning....and back to the top

All exchanges at daycare or school. add in that PD DAYS it till the other parent picks up in afternoon.

Last edited by good_mom; 09-18-2018 at 08:47 AM.
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  #3  
Old 09-18-2018, 08:55 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by good_mom View Post
Communication should always be by e-mail only. Kids are doing well then, she has nothing as it had nothing ot do with your parenting. The only thing you can suggest is Family Wizard for communication. In fact suggest it now...



Good time to move to a 2-2-5-5 schedule no reason that you don’t get them 50/50



"Hey x, I'm glad you agree that time with the kids is important can we consider the following schedule as the kids will have a full weekend with both of us. They are older now and it is a perfect time to expand to 50/50. This will be a benefit to them.”



Mon-Tues MOM always

Wed-Thur DAD always

Weekends rotate



ex MoM from friday after school to Wed morning, Dad Wed after school till monday morning. Mom Monday after school til wed morning, Dad wed after school till Friday morning....and back to the top



All exchanges at daycare or school. add in that PD DAYS it till the other parent picks up in afternoon.


Agreed with moving the schedule to 2-2-5-5... you both should be splitting weekends especially as the kids are in school... you need to do some weekday shifts with school/etc and she deserves some fun weekend time. It’s a fair schedule and one that many kids benefit from. Failing that I know my cousin does Mon & Wed with Mom and Tues & Thurs with Dad and alternate weekends so the stretches aren’t so long.


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  #4  
Old 09-18-2018, 08:01 PM
nofrills nofrills is offline
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thanks for your responses.

I would love to do the 2-2-5-5 split, but she refuses to look at any alternatives where she loses a day. For some reason she does not want to go to 50/50.

What are my chances of keeping my current schedule or 2255 if we go to mediation/court?
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  #5  
Old 09-18-2018, 10:33 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nofrills View Post
thanks for your responses.

I would love to do the 2-2-5-5 split, but she refuses to look at any alternatives where she loses a day. For some reason she does not want to go to 50/50.

What are my chances of keeping my current schedule or 2255 if we go to mediation/court?
No changes for anything to change in mediation. Mediators have no power and the objective is for both parties to compromise and come to a mutual agreement.

If you can't get agreement outside of mediation then the only other option is for someone to file with the court. As there is a 2.5 year status quo and an agreement (made on consent) in place a significant "material change in circumstance" will be required by the filing party to even move things forward.

Correction: You can go to arbitration which is basically private court. The arbitrator can be bound to the Rules and will have to evaluate a material change in circumstance.

The courts require real evidence for the demonstration of a "material change in circumstance". This is how they keep everyone who has settled true to their agreement.

"We had a deal and the law says bust a deal face the wheel (material change in circumstance)".

Most unrepresented litigants don't truly understand the complexity of demonstrating a "material change in circumstance".

Ultimately, you should sit on the agreement that is in place. Follow it and if the other party wants to change it. Let them file and try and demonstrate a material change in circumstance. I wish them luck with that because if something has been working well for 2.5 years and you both agreed to it... The barrier for establishing a material change in circumstance is HIGH. Very high.

You don't want to enter The Thunderdome that is court. Especially to fight over 1 day. You need a longer-term strategy and think "Beyond Thunderdome".

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #6  
Old 09-19-2018, 10:10 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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I agree with everyone!

a) 2255 is obviously the way to go
b) Mediation is a waste of time
c) Court is expensive and the likely result will be "no change"

So, don't agree to a change you don't want, but don't try to fight for a change that you won't get.
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Old 09-24-2018, 08:06 PM
nofrills nofrills is offline
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Hi Janus and Tayken,
thank you for your advice. I would love to have the 2255 as it is most fair, but my ex will have none of that. She wants mediation and I'm fine with that, but she says that she will take my saturday for a monday and will accept nothing else. So, even we go and she's not willing to compromise what is there point of mediation?

Unless, she thinks the mediator is going to change my mind or the mediator can change her mind.

Her last email to me was that I was stalling because i haven't filed my forms and she says this will look bad on me in mediation because she claims the kids are not happy. I disagree, I am a committed father and the kids are happy and happy being with me.

She has retained a new lawyer and says that if she doesn't get her way she will go to the "thunderdome" courts.

How does she to prove "material change" or that her taking my saturday and me losing a saturday night for a monday is in the best interest. (by the way she gives me the kids at 4pm on Saturday's and she already has the kids 4/7 days)


thank you.
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  #8  
Old 09-25-2018, 10:23 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nofrills View Post
How does she to prove "material change" or that her taking my saturday and me losing a saturday night for a monday is in the best interest.
She doesn't. As we have already said, the likely result of any court action in your case is "no change"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus
So, don't agree to a change you don't want, but don't try to fight for a change that you won't get.
See above, he sounds like a smart individual.
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  #9  
Old 09-28-2018, 01:52 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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So neither one of you can ever spend a full weekend with your children? I can see why you would both want to change that.
What is a thunderdome court?
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  #10  
Old 12-27-2018, 09:16 PM
nofrills nofrills is offline
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Hi,
I just want to give everyone an update and get some opinions.

Since September when the ex-wife requested to change the schedule, I have pushed off mediation because i felt there was no upside as I do not want to give up my Saturdays for a Monday.

-current schedule (Dad Wed/Sat/Sun, Mom Mon/Tue/Thur/Fri)

-Ex has brought in her lawyer demanding that I go to mediation
-I have postponed it because I am dealing with repairs to my house and it's Christmas
-Ex and her lawyer are claiming i'm to blame for the kids suffering by not going to mediation
-Kids (5 and 8) are fine when the come to my house, but have a hard time during the weekend pickups (transitions) sometime i have to drag them into the car. ex-wife does not help with transition
-Ex-wife has on numerous occasions told the kids they have a choice to stay at her house on my days and told the kids they have an opinion.
-kids think they can change the schedule.
-transitions were fine up until the summer.
-the transitions as of last month have gotten a lot harder. I am usually able to reason with the kids and settle them down in 20mins. Now it could take an hour to settle them down.
-ex-wife is claiming kids are emotionally damaged because she says they want to stay with her on Saturdays.

-i am an involved father, I do more activities and enrichment to the kids than my ex and i think she is jealous that i do so many things. (vacations, camps, skiing,tennis, galleries, fishing, cottages, travelling with my kids)

I know i asked this before, but what are her chances of proving a material change if she claims emotional damage?

Or is this normal for kids to act out and is this normal and can she use it against me to get my Saturday?

Anyone experience an ex-wife trying to change a schedule in a signed separation agreement?
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