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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 02-19-2019, 11:03 AM
Chip234 Chip234 is offline
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Has anyone had experience with denying access for the safety of their kids? (drunk driving with them, violence toward his girlfriend, all-night fights etc.)
I have called CAS but they're not always useful. We do not have a document regarding drinking and drugging during access (kids live with me and visit him). At least not yet...

Thank you
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Old 02-19-2019, 11:48 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Not for denying access- no...but yes- I have experience with requiring supervision when there are allegations of substance use.

Do you have an access/custody schedule in place? A court order or a separation agreement regarding when the kids go?

If there is nothing on there that allows you to deny access based on suspicions of substance use/abuse...then you have no legal grounds to deny your ex access.

If there is evidence of this- then you should be calling the police if your kids are in the car with him when he's driving drunk. You need to go to court and get an emergency order to require supervision.

Could you ask that his visits be supervised voluntarily? Although- alcoholics are never going to agree to this- because it would mean admitting that there is a problem.


How old are your kids?
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Old 02-19-2019, 02:57 PM
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You don't get to deny access by fiat. If ex shows up drunk, you call the police. Let them do it. Then go to court and have it made official.
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Old 02-19-2019, 03:13 PM
Chip234 Chip234 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Not for denying access- no...but yes- I have experience with requiring supervision when there are allegations of substance use.

Do you have an access/custody schedule in place? A court order or a separation agreement regarding when the kids go?

If there is nothing on there that allows you to deny access based on suspicions of substance use/abuse...then you have no legal grounds to deny your ex access.

If there is evidence of this- then you should be calling the police if your kids are in the car with him when he's driving drunk. You need to go to court and get an emergency order to require supervision.

Could you ask that his visits be supervised voluntarily? Although- alcoholics are never going to agree to this- because it would mean admitting that there is a problem.


How old are your kids?
Thank you, they are 8 and 10 and quite afraid of the domestic abuse and alcoholism that's going on at their father's house.
Maybe my first step would be CAS and then an (unenforceable lol) order stating that he can't be drinking or using during or before visitation....
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Old 02-19-2019, 03:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Chip234 View Post
Thank you, they are 8 and 10 and quite afraid of the domestic abuse and alcoholism that's going on at their father's house.
Maybe my first step would be CAS and then an (unenforceable lol) order stating that he can't be drinking or using during or before visitation....
At those ages, they should be calling the Children's Help Phone themselves if what you are saying is indeed true.
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Old 03-02-2019, 09:03 PM
ensorcelled ensorcelled is offline
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At those ages, they should be calling the Children's Help Phone themselves if what you are saying is indeed true.

KHP is now text message. And my son would rather stay in his room and play video games than confront his dad when he's drunk. I think you're asking a lot on these kids. They are likely outnumbered, out-weighed and living in a very fearful environment.
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Old 03-02-2019, 09:54 PM
Chip234 Chip234 is offline
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I've gotten legal advice and have spoken to CAS. Unless there's proof of the drinking, etc, like a DUI, there isnt anything CAS can do (surprise). All they care about is if there is an immediate threat to the safety of the kids (apparently this doesn't include psychological/emotional safety - again hard to prove a threat there...)
My next step is to deny access if I feel the need and hope I get away with it if Im brought to court, and to get an order (or try to, based on what the kids say and the CAS having been called) that changes the access parameters to supervised visits or something else. The burden of proof is on me to effect any change.
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Old 03-03-2019, 01:26 AM
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Quote:
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My next step is to deny access if I feel the need and hope I get away with it if Im brought to court
I would not count on it. It is tough for a custodial parent to lose custody, but denying access without a court order is a good first step down that road. At a minimum it would probably give your ex greater access than the current level, or maybe a finding of contempt which will hurt you in all future court appearances for the next decade or so.

Document, and bring it to court when you have evidence so you can get an order giving you the right to do what you want to do. If you do it yourself, the likely result is the opposite of your intended result.

Deliberately flouting court orders can have serious consequences, it tends to piss judges off. Be careful.
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