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Old 02-10-2019, 10:04 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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We had to buy a washing machine a couple of years ago and it took us 30 minutes. My contribution was “I don’t need bells and whistles, it just needs to wash”. When we left, my fiancé said he and his ex would have argued for several days before buying one.

He likes the peace, the low key lifestyle, the ability to make his own decisions about money, the lack of arguing, the high stress home life. He said in his marriage there was never a discussion about things, she just made decisions and told him what was what. He’s told me a few things and I can see how he reacts when his ex pops up.

I just never understood why people treat the person they are supposed to love so badly. He is a good person, why did she try to beat him down?
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Old 02-10-2019, 08:34 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Disclaimer: I am not comparing my situation with Rockscan they are completely different, but I wanted to add my perspective on my own situation. That said....

Yes, I would have been the one fussing over the machine machine, cause I need a rapid wash for time, a sani cycle for when the kids shit their pants, and an regular cycle for the peed bed sheets, and the heavy duty cycle for when they puke on the area rugs.

My ex also loves his new low key lifestyle with his new life partner as he calls her (except for 6 nights a month) but maybe not handing over cs . No trying to coral 2 kids into snowsuits to a bus and daycare on time, no make lunches, no forgetting homework. I picture him enjoying a second cup of coffee, while mines gotten cold on the counter, not to worry its on the floor now, a 4 year old elbow knocked it over trying to reach the cereal box.

Then coming home to a kid free clean home not having to pick up kids from daycare, perhaps even enjoying a cocktail while I slurp on a 1/2 empty juice box from unpacking their lunches, cause heaven forbid they are allowed to throw out any trash in the school bins. Shall they order in, or whip something up together over another cocktail? After dinner they can snuggle up and catch up on Nexflix, while Paw Patrol to the Rescue belts outta our TV. We have already eaten our dinner, I stayed up late the night before to prep something for the crock-pot. Jeez I wonder between the 2 of them who will tidy up their kitchen? Mine will stay dirty till I get the homework supervised, the laundry started, bath and bedtime done, then I will hit the books for study time. By this time, they are probably in the bedroom working on their dream family. The new partner, will be the Pefect Mom, she will be able to handle it all, not like his "crazy ex".

I'd trade my high stress home life in a heartbeat for his. I would love to be that parent, the children love you just the same anyway. I dont hate my ex, I did love him and still do as the Father of our children, and yes sometimes we treated each other badly out of exasperation.

Thanks for my vent for the night!

Last edited by kate331; 02-10-2019 at 08:37 PM. Reason: sp
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Old 02-11-2019, 01:56 PM
Asphenaz Asphenaz is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I just never understood why people treat the person they are supposed to love so badly. He is a good person, why did she try to beat him down?
In my case the EX did and still doesn't realize it. She treated me poorly to ensure that I wouldn't turn out like other men in her life.

While I don't enjoy the solitude, I do enjoy being free to decide my course. I always love cooking with my kids and doing daddy and son/daughter days. I really enjoy the ability to come home and decompress, my home is a real sanctuary to the outside stress.

My ex did not like my family, but now my daughter has a great relationship and spend lots of time with her aunt and grand-mother.
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Old 02-14-2019, 10:34 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by kate331 View Post

Thanks for my vent for the night!
lol. vent away...when I see your posts- I absolutely sympathize- but I can only partly empathize because I can't imagine getting shit done with two special needs kids...and I freaking live at home with my mom who is barely a senior, very active, retired and is really hands-on with my daughter. Well- I know what I would do- and her name would be "nanny ____".

As to this post. I guess the best part is enjoying my time with my daughter. I have help with her now- I'm not dead on my feet by trying to keep my career up, run a house (financially and physically), and raise a high needs toddler. Honest to goodness- the best part is being able to eat my dinner at 7:00pm after I've fed my daughter. She plays with my parents while I take a 1/2hr to actually just enjoy a meal.

The other great part is starting to feel better about myself again- and remembering who I was/am. I'm starting to remember I'm an accomplished, attractive, badass lawyer.

I get to keep more of my take home pay- w00p!- even though I've got additional (re friggin astronomical) legal fees....because I don't have to buy everything for someone else besides my daughter.

I'm not worried about keeping up with anyone else (my ex was OBSESSED with us buying income properties- like all his friends have- and just appearances in general).
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