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  • Methods for paying spousal support

    Real quick background - my husband is de facto custodial parent. We are separated, and a few long months into our divorce. I was doing all of the driving, until I was in a car accident. My husband refused to drive the kids to me, and I went the last 25 days without seeing them.

    We had a motion yesterday, ordering both his driving and support. But he is telling me that the e-transfers we were doing are I sufficient now - and I will have to go pick my checks up at his lawyer's office from now on.

    This isn't court ordered, I can't drive there without a car. He knows this - how is support normally paid? Does it have to be witnessed by a third party, and signed by myself? I know he is doing this to make my life complicated - but I don't know my rights.

    Any help would be appreciated.

  • #2
    if you have court ordered support then go thru FRO

    Oops just re-read your answer, its not court ordered. Can you ask his lawyer to mail them to you? Maybe give them some self addressed stamped envelopes?
    Your ex is being an ass.

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    • #3
      How do you pay him CS? It would seem to reason, how you pay CS is how he should/could pay SS.

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      • #4
        Your lawyer can contact his lawyer and on consent have the payments put through FRO. IF the other party knows you are going to request this they will also know you will be successful in your request. Lawyers draw up an interim order with the appropriate wording. It can be done via fax.

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        • #5
          I am my own lawyer (that's a part time job in itself)

          I looked up FRO's website - I have to have not received a payment in 30 days... His lawyer knows his rights, and is hoping, I think (based on a letter sent to me, rather than having a court order - "advising me" on a few issues) that they are used to getting what they want when the other side is unrepresented.

          I guess I just wanted to know who's responsibility it is to make sure I get paid - bc this way, he's putting the responsibility on my shoulders. My motions went well yesterday (I got a few things that I wanted, even though his lawyer was seeking a full adjournment, and came totally unprepared), and I think there is a lot of questionable tactics being used, because I don't know better. I don't want to be taken advantage of, but I don't want to put my foot down and say "I won't pick it up" if that's how things normally go.

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          • #6
            The court ordered yesterday that he make bi-weekly payments. He paid w a check, but had to drive me to the bank to cash it. Told me I would have to pick the rest of them up from now on, since e-transfers don't come w receipts...

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            • #7
              Repeating what BF asked, how does your husband receive the CS payments you give him?

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              • #8
                I haven't made any. I think I have a really bizarre situation. I was married 11 years, since I was 18. My h is 6 years older than me, and a mechanical engineer. I was a homemaker the whole time - having gone straight from highschool to marriage. We have 3 children, ages 10,9 and 7.

                In dec of 2011, I told him I was cheating on him. Coming from a very religious background, I was subsequently disowned by my entire family, and most of my friends - for "having left the marriage". Between dec 3 and the 28th when I moved out, my family and h's friends helped him do everything from hide my van at a friends house so I couldn't drive, took my cell phone to my dad's... Parents let themselves into my house the day they found out - my dad took off w my kids, while my mom came storming up the stairs screaming "if you don't come down these stairs right now, I will drag you down." And etc. they were so desperate to see me do the right thing that they chased me out.

                I have been living w the new man since I moved out, and we have had a rough go of things trying to find work. My h makes $117,00 a year - I have claimed $0 since I have been filing my taxes.

                I filed papers in sept, we had a case conference back in oct, and nothing since - as we were waiting on my financial statement. No orders were made at the case conference. Two weeks ago, my h stopped making the payments he has made all year, and was still insisting on not driving the kids to me. I filed a motion, which was yesterday. The judge made the support payment order based on my records of his payments over the year. He was also ordered to drop the children off... The problem is, despite the judge ruling on the driving based on me being car-less, he only wrote "drop off".... My h was seriously contemplating not picking them up, and bc he knew I couldn't take them back, he wasn't so sure he was going to drop them off either. He told me today that he only has to do what the law says - he is doing me a favour by picking them up as well... It's becoming messy, which I never expected.

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                • #9
                  Wow, I'm really sorry, but I don't know where to begin to offer you any advice. I just don't want to get started on my reaction to the situation you got yourself into. You didn't think it would get messy?? The only way out of that is with a court order.

                  Here's all I can offer. Rearrange your priorities.

                  #1) Access to your kids. They should be the most important thing to you right now, not money. They have been dragged away from you and are now probably being brainwashed by your family and your ex and his family to hate you because of your adultery. You need to take action to heal this with them before it becomes irreversible. You're at a disadvantage to begin with, with your family siding against you, but you can't give up on your kids. How far away from them are you? Use your access to matter what you have to do. Borrow your new man's car, get another car through insurance, whatever it takes. Don't rely on the ex.

                  #2) Pay your child support. It sounds like your ex has had most of the access to them, and is rapidly working on having all of it. You have a financial obligation to support them. You can't claim a zero income. Get a minimum wage job slinging donuts. Have this new man help you out financially. Apply for assistance.

                  #3) Worry about any spousal support your ex may owe you last. You probably have a good case for receiving enough to go to school for a couple of years while you train for a career, as you are still young.

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                  • #10
                    It doesn't matter what happened during the relationship, the relationship is now over, if he is paying SS you cannot claim an income of $0 and at the very least you should have an income imputed to you, equal to minimum wage, however seeing as this new guy is supporting you, it is also possible to have this new guys income used for CS purposes.

                    You need to be careful not to push things, because you should be paying CS and he can certainly come after you for it.

                    You state you don't drive, but then state they hid your van? How did you have a van if you don't drive?

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                    • #11
                      Lawyer sounds like a buffoon - etransfers show on bank statements. Other payment options available with banks. There is always the old fashioned thing called post-dated cheques. He could also just go to your bank and make deposit directly to your account and request receipt from teller. What's so difficult?

                      If you get a court order and go through FRO he sure won't be able to dictate when and how he pays you. I would get that order asap, especially as you aren't mobile right now.

                      With that being said it is equally important for you to get your CS sorted out. In fact that should be a priority.
                      Last edited by arabian; 02-09-2013, 04:13 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Thanks for all of the helpful responses - seeing the kids has been #1 - but without funds, it's difficult... The judge at the case conference imputed min wage to me, and was essentially attributing CS to me, and subtracting that from the ss I'm receiving... It's probably not how it should work. We had one case conference, and the judge made no orders, save that i needed to have my financial statement filed. Said we were clearly getting no where on issues and we should just go to trial. After one case conference. He ordered nothing even temp regarding access, ss, CS etc...

                        I had started a biz back in 2009 - it was starting to do well.... But all the profits went back into it to buy equipment. I was looking at finally being in the red w it before we separated. Before that, I was a stay at home mom...

                        As to him already paying ss - the CRA won't recognize anything without the court order accompanying it - so he has no way of being credited for it as far as taxation goes. What I don't understand is why he never sought an order sooner - his lawyer knows he went a year w/o credit - why did she allow that?

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                        • #13
                          Very eloquent, thank you for your insightful perspective.

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                          • #14
                            You can't claim a zero income.
                            If her income is 0, then that is her income until imputed otherwise.

                            if he is paying SS you cannot claim an income of $0
                            Spousal support does not impact child support; the spousal support guidelines offer different tables, depending upon if there are children and where they are located.

                            at the very least you should have an income imputed to you, equal to minimum wage
                            If she is unable to drive due to injury it would not be unreasonable to speculate she is also unable to work. Obtaining disability would seem prudent.

                            it is also possible to have this new guys income used for CS purposes.
                            The impact of a new partner on support obligations - both child and spousal - is a nuanced area of the law. Avoid broad strokes.

                            Lawyer sounds like a buffoon - etransfers show on bank statements.
                            It would not be unreasonable to speculate that her ex feels bitter towards her following the breakdown of the relationship and the cause of the breakdown. From this, an inference that he is being deliberately difficult to inconvenience her would seem reasonable.

                            If you get a court order and go through FRO he sure won't be able to dictate when and how he pays you. I would get that order asap
                            Prudent.

                            With that being said it is equally important for you to get your CS sorted out.
                            She is paying Guideline child support.

                            After one case conference. He ordered nothing
                            Case conferences facilitate discussion. If you want an Order that your ex will oppose, you bring a motion or go to trial.

                            I don't understand is why he never sought an order sooner - his lawyer knows he went a year w/o credit - why did she allow that?
                            Orders can be retroactive.

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                            • #15
                              That was wonderful - thank you.

                              Comment

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